East Coast Randori

When one is in the midst of Randori

2011-09-16T20:24:00.002-04:00

It might look something like this.

9-11-01

2011-09-11T16:56:00.002-04:00

Ten years ago today, when the first plane flew into the towers, I was at a viewing, yes the pre-funeral one for a dear friend's dad. I remember driving back to work and feeling as if something wasn't right but it wasn't until I got to work and saw CNN.com that I knew what had transpired. I was sent home because I live within 35 miles of NYC and the nearby military facility was being set up to receive injured folks that never came. I remember being at the chiropractor that evening and her husband at the time worked in the WTC but didn't make it in to work because he was attending a funeral.

I remember as the names of those murdered started to trickle in, I started to see familiar ones, a friend from grammar school and high school, some firemen I knew from karate class. And friends of some of my kid friends whose dads or moms just never were able to come home.

Just unthinkable, nearly unbearable to be adjacent to that much carnage and pain. Still raw 10 years later. But I learned to believe in hope, love and energy. And to be grateful for the lessons the universe brings me. Chief among them being, there is right now, and that's it.

Bardo

2010-12-06T20:18:00.002-05:00

Bardo is a Tibetan word, it means transition and often refers to the 49 day period between when dies and is reborn. October 18th was 49 days ago and my dad had a seizure while in mid sentence about 6pm, a code was called, an ambulance was called and at 6:54pm he was declared dead by the ER doc. At about 645 I was outside the ER treatment room where I heard someone say that was the third round of epi and he's been down 45 minutes. I've seen enough ER and Grey's Anatomy in my day to suspect a 4th round of epi would be administered. But before that discussion took place a security agent took me to the 'family room' where my sister and my mom were waiting to find out what was happening. By 7pm the doc on duty had told us that my dad had passed and by 730p we had called the out of town siblings to let them know and we were back at the house looking for wills and papers and a pizza. So for the first bunch of time I was numb as hell, and it's how I got through the viewing and funeral, or maybe I don't know how I got through any of it. But I did.

What Buddhist folks believe is this - 49 days after someone leaves this life, they're reborn. And one can undertake certain rituals to ease a loved ones transition and while I'm not really well versed on how to undertake this stuff officially, I go with what I understand. I know that the universe strives for balance, that's what karma is about and that by certain deeds one can throw the balance out of whack so that one's karma is eased. At least, that's how my accountant brain gets this. So for the past 49 days (and the 11 days before that when Rupe got) sick, I've liberated various sentient beings (108 crickets and 1000 worms) to ease their suffering. Chanted medicine Buddha mantras and when that didn't work out how I was hoping, I chanted 100 syllable Vajrasattva mantras for purification of karma.

So Rupe, welcome back, be safe and be happy. We still miss the hell out of you.

Stages of Grief

2010-11-16T19:44:00.002-05:00

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross spoke of 5 stages of grief. My experience so far has been 1 and it's none of the ones Kubler-Ross spoke of, it is and remains, what the fuck?

Don't know quite what I expected

2010-10-31T20:19:00.003-04:00

but this is so not any kind of linear experience. It was at first, Rupe got sick, he seemed to be getting better, didn't get better and died, we did the ritual stuff. That all was linear but the feelings aren't, they're more roller coastery then all that. And that's all I've got to say about that day.

On another note, today is Halloween, I gave out prunes. Individually wrapped prunes, until I ran out and had to give a kid an envelope of tuna. Not sure if it was cat tuna or people tuna. Got some more prunes and haven't had a trick or treater since.

So perhaps I've mentioned

2010-10-30T08:08:00.002-04:00

That October 18 was life changing for me in ways, I'd thought I'd considered. And as I am occasionally a thoughtful person I'd considered them across a breadth of emotions that I'd likely encounter as my parents, siblings, friends and assorted loved ones, acquaintances and family members aged. So breadth I was somewhat prepared for, depth I had no idea. At first I was just sad and numb, and I welcomed the numbness because it made it way easier to get through the public mourning events my people are inclined to do. But now when the mourning is done largely at home with the cat life and in the car, it's with a full bodied sadness, that I will confess is new to me.

As I described it in talking with one friend it's a hot mess of suck. And it will suck for an epic long time, but please do know that you care enough to try and take some of that away makes it suck a little less. And makes it suck a little less life and humor out of me. Which is about all I'm hoping for today.

Hmm where the hell have I been

2010-10-29T07:10:00.003-04:00

Sprained a wrist shopping back in May. Bought a 40lb kettlebell, dropped it, grabbed it with the last 2 fingers on the left hand and some ligament action said what the fuck? At the time I was training to test for first kyu in Aikido. So that had to be postponed because I had to rest me wrist. Which I did for about two weeks then wrapped it up and hopped back on the mat. The process of training was interesting because I started recognizing some but not all nuance. Which is, I suppose the story of my life. In the meantime, the siblings and I were planning what has become known as Anniversapalooza in celebration of the parental types 50th wedding anniversary. The week before which I tested for 1st kyu. Which went well, because the teacher I have trains us in such a way that you will do well. Then Anniversapalooza. Dinner at the sisters Friday, family portrait Saturday morning, out to dinner Saturday night. Wonderful stuff. So then we come to Thursday October 7. I get a frantic phone call from the mothership (who does not do frantic - ever) telling me to get to the ER, something was wrong with my father and it doesn't look good. And get ahold of the siblings. Thank God for blue tooth. The situation with my father after a battery of tests was something called hypokalemia. Not enough potassium in the blood. But there was also a whole bunch of atrial fibrillation that seemed to be better managed once the potassium situation got straightened out. At least for a while, like 11 days awhile. On October 18th at about 615pm in mid-sentence, Rupe stopped. Breathing,and talking and apparently living in the body he was occupying at the time. The called a code, and emts and took him up to the ER. And knowing entirely too much about what goes on at a code, you don't necessarily want to be outside the treatment room and hear the folks say, he's been down for 45 minutes and this is the third round of epi. Because there wasn't going to be a 4th round. I was then shown by a very nice security dude to the 'family room' in the ER where I found the mothership and the sister. Shortly after that, we had to sign some computer screens for the emts, and then the doc came in to tell us that Rupe had passed. From all accounts I'm thinking he was gone when his head hit his chest.

Some Post Funeral Thoughts

2010-10-24T13:19:00.003-04:00

To get you up to speed, my dad died suddenly October 18th. And it was every bit the hot mess of suck you'd expect. And then some. I have to interject some levity into the situation because otherwise it is unbearable.

Do not ask the adult children of the deceased (or anyone else for that matter) 'do you know who I am?' unless you want the honest answer. Ooh wait, Some kind of jackass. A moron, perhaps.

Do read people's body language, I know mine said loud and clear I am trying to get through this so please do not make me cry.

How do they know?

2010-06-05T15:19:00.002-04:00

Cats I mean - how do they know that I'm fresh out of the shower so it's time to hurl down my neck?

How do they know to hurl in my Crocs?
How do they know that if they lick my potato they get to keep it but the steak is mine all mine?

So, It's been a while

2010-05-09T22:00:00.003-04:00

It would seem that though I've been studiously avoiding being pinned down to a date to test for the next rank in Aikido. The date would seem to be nearly upon us - in June. Oddly, I enjoy preparing to test, even odder, I enjoy all the mat room you get to yourself while testing, it's the anticipation that has me really quite noncommittal.

These would seem to be the requirements: USAF testing requirements

Eek.

Funfilled Thanksgiving

2009-12-03T21:42:00.002-05:00

Ventured to the house of bro and sis in law for the family Thanksgiving gathering. Had not been in attendance for several years but was glad to make it down there this year. Nurtured my inner redneck with a trek to Bass Pro Shops and Gander Mountain. Freakin' awesome. Yes, I am that rarest of rare birds - buddhist redneck. Hey someone's got to do it. We had fine food and company and it was a fine, fine time. I have much to be thankful for!

Ryotetori Kokyuho

2009-11-17T21:29:00.002-05:00

We went through this technique in great detail today. I need to remember to move the feet so I get the arm extension right. And to move the feet so I get the hips moving. Hips need to be moving to move people. So it was interesting.

Then when it came time to take ukemi, had to remember to exhale when I hit the deck and bend into the fall.

We had ourselves...

2009-11-15T16:20:00.002-05:00

a li'l old nor'easter in these parts recently. Made for some lively surf.

Icepacks

2009-10-11T21:47:00.003-04:00

The Shark often complains about my affinity for ice packs. It's not that I necessarily have an affinity for them, it's that I have a phobia about inflammation in my soft tissue. Soft tissue being anything that's not bone which is hard tissue in the parlance of my people. I used to fight the inflammation with oral nsaids and herbal antiinflammatories and then my gut got ugly about it so that's not happening anymore. So I'm all over the ice packs.

Good times, good times.

The Universe is a funny old gal

2009-10-04T18:43:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, my sister had an extra ticket to see Bruce of Springsteen. Perhaps you are familiar with the name. Like Springsteen, I grew up in Freehold NJ (sharkbutt will argue that I'm grown out not grown up, but whatever!) It's probably been about 10 years or so since I've seen he and the E Street Band in concert and probably been about 20 since I've seen them in concert in NJ. There is a religious fervor to the madness surrounding it and I ain't even gonna lie. I was swept up in it. And yeah, I know every word to every song. This got me home at about 1 this morning and the alarm at 6 was ugly and early. If ya know what I mean. But I had to fetch the mothership for our annual trek to the Race for the Cure. And there is a religious fervor to the race for the cure. The energy is extraordinary. And not just from the 15 kids I high fived on my way through.

Great weekend, very powerful stuff.

Sigh

2009-09-29T21:46:00.002-04:00

This evenings adventure was shihonage. Or as I like to call it goddamn shihonage. For me it is one of the most frightening projection throws because if you don't keep your partners hand in the proper place you can really trash their shoulder.

This is what it looks like:

Yokomenuchi Shihonage

Meditation

2009-09-26T11:52:00.002-04:00

Sharkbutt is helping me type this because my eyeballs are dilated. It is expected to take a while because we fight about the spelling. Sharkbutt being a way more creative speller than I. (note from sharkb - her mooey, that why her no spell fun)

There's all kinds of writing on the subject of meditation, not many of them discuss it in bare bones terms. I will, somedays the good feeling wash over you (sharkb - making you so full of the milk of human kindness that you moo) somedays it's like grinding glass between your teeth. Most days it just is what it is, sitting on your ass observing your thoughts. (shark - if you foodchik it your thought). The point is to sit quietly, quiet your mind and recognize your thoughts are just that thoughts.

(sharkb - try that, donut call it nuffin, sit and fink or donut fink)

24

2009-09-24T18:19:00.007-04:00

I am marking 24 years of sobriety, the last time I had a drink was 9-23-85. In those twenty four years I have learned a thing or two about a thing or two and I will share 24 of them in case they might help someone else. These are not original at least not all of them, but to me they've been true.

1 - The universe gives you what you need to learn, which ain't necessarily what you want or deserve.

2 - The universe will repeat these things you need to learn until learn them.

3 - Once you get past fear as a motivator, you can allow yourself to be kind. Instinctively, naturally kind.

4 - Fearful people can be assholes, but mainly they're just scared.

5 - Assholes don't always have enough sense to be afraid.

6 - The need for resolution is an addiction.

7 - The need for understanding, yep, also an addiction.

8 - Somedays one day at a time is too damn far ahead to plan, somedays I managed it 5 minutes at a time.

9 - Farts smell because they're passing through shit on their way out. Hey, I didn't say it was all gonna be worthwhile things to know.

10 - Anger might not be healthy, but it was the only thing that got my ass out of bed for a lot of years.

11 - Sarongs, sports bras and tattoos is a scary, scary look for me.

12 - Turn into the source of the pain. Turning away, you take your eyes off it and start to fear 'it' which is more frightening than facing it and staring it down.

13 - Cat hurl remediation - step 1 - pick it up, step 2 - soak up the remaining liquid with paper towels - step 3 - sprinkle baking soda on the spot - step 4 - scrub with a brush and let sit - step 5 - vacuum it up.

14 - Bracing your abdomen during exertion will protect your low back. This is not sucking in your stomach, brace like you're going to be punched.

15 - Meditate to quiet your mind.

16 - And meditate to quiet the voices in your head. You know, the negative ones. The ones you hear when the fear takes over, or the self loathing takes over.

17 - Self loathing is self absorbed, knock it the fuck off.

18 - Don't pass up an opportunity to have an inside joke with yourself.

19 - Examine and test your instincts well enough to trust them.

20 - Don't give your cats canned people tuna - it's really not good for them.

21 - Keeping your toilet seats up gives your cats the opportunity to fall in the toilet, and put cats toys in your toilet. It also messes up the feng shui in your house.

22 - Being on either end of a headbutt hurts like a bitch.

23 - Heartbreak sucks but if you handle it right, it creates more room in your heart.

24 - If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you ever going to love anyone else?

Some practical (more than not) some useless.

Mammography

2009-09-15T20:02:00.004-04:00

Someone (not me) will write a song about it. If you're familiar with the process, I'm telling you nothing you don't already know. If not, gather around children, it's a compelling story, which I tell elegantly. Ok, first of all, you're about 1/4 to 1/2 naked. Second of all, like some thrill ride at the carnival you're asked to step right up, where your naked trembling breast is placed on the platform, and it sticks to the platform so moving it at all requires lifting the entire thing and rearranging it. This is not the treat one might hope for. Let alone arranging it so that the freakin' nipple that's curling into itself in fear and trepidation can be spread out for the squeezing. Yeah, if your nipples hide, you do it again. And again and a goddamn gain, but I'm not bitter.

Whether we've met or not, you likely do not know this about me since I wear a bulletproof sportsbra except whilst in the shower but I do sport a bit of a rack. And as I am at an age where I need annual mammograms and no, they're not as perky as they used to be but thanks for your interest. Alas, how easily I digress. My point being that perky d-cups turn into pancakes in the chamber of horror, I mean mammography. And just as lefty has been freed with a looks good, you realize - we're going back in tooooooooooooooo squish the armpit. So the technician and I have now established a rapport, which is good because my boobs don't get handled this much on a first date. And I ask so, how bad is this going to screw up my already screwed up rotator cuff. It would seem not too bad. But again, I digress. As this proceeds, I get more and more outrageous. She's got me draped around, across and upside this machine, tells me to hold my breath and relax. I laugh wholeheartedly and say, um you gotta pick one. I can hold my breath or relax not both. Since my dignity is long since gone, as she proceeds to arrange righty for the squish, I say you've handled my breasts so much I feel I should at least buy you a drink. In case you ever were curious, it is entirely possible for an African-American woman to turn bright red.

There are many many things I like about the joint where I go to get my mammogram. They have robes in my size - V for vast. And they're robes, not damn gowns that my ass hangs out all out of and around. The feng shui in the place is calming and soothing. And most importantly, you know your results before you walk out of the door.

Happily, the girls are fine, the scarred up lymph nodes are still scarred up. (Did I mention I used to fight - a lot?) But everything is as it should be.

This isn't meant to scare anyone. Just do it, if not for you, for your kids, your friends, your family or the girls. You want to enjoy them, don't you?

4 Noble Truths

2009-09-11T22:25:00.002-04:00

Buddhist folks believe 4 things that are referred to as the four noble truths. I'll paraphrase because I'm not up for fancy language today.

1) In life there is suffering. (the Buddha doesn't say this but I will - duh)

2)The reason we suffer is because we are attached to things (places, people, pleasures, ego - crap like that).

3) We can make the suffering stop by relinquishing our attachments to things ( places, people, pleasures, ego - you get the idea)

4)The 8 fold path will lead you to the end of suffering. Which I will discuss at another time.

My prevailing reality this evening is that I took a fairly highflying aikido class this evening. I have planted my ass and the rest of me on a collection of 7 ice packs. I am gravity's bitch, and momentum is my friend. Also, fat (mine) does fly.

So I am at least for tonight a very simple soul - explained here above.

Sharkbutt would simply say that I'm a cow and I moo. I say maybe I'm imitating a lighthouse because I'm not moving quick enough to be a cow.

9-11-09

2009-09-11T22:22:00.002-04:00

I can and will collect my thoughts and add to the commentary. But what you really need to understand is this, from where I live, we could smell the fire, the army base I live adjacent to was frantically preparing for survivors that never came. Some of my friends died there, some kids I taught aikido to lost parents there. This hit us here in this part of the world hard. And we must not ever forget.

Sharkbutt will explain over on his blog

2009-09-10T21:30:00.002-04:00

But my attention isn't always where it should be, especially before I've had coffee. And the cats have vitamins, and I have vitamins and never the twain should ever meet. Well, it did again this morning. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Their vitamins taste like liver, I was expecting citrus. As Caroline Myss is inclined to say - wanna make God laugh? tell him your plans.

9/9/09

2009-09-09T16:15:00.002-04:00

Got nothing of consequence to say, yeah, yeah, when do I ever? Shut up. Thought the symmetry of the date today was nice. The weather is very fall like and I go for torture in a little while. Ok, technically it's a chiropractic treatment and not the rack but theres a lot of similarities.

Ahhh Lifestyle

2009-09-03T21:34:00.004-04:00

I was in Barnes and Noble looking for a copy of Better Slums and Hovels for a recipe. Oh shut up. I went looking for this in the lifestyle section, thinking that I'd find BS and H in there with Martha and Oprah. But no, I found these magazines pictured below and both the cowboy and weed mags did feature recipes. Who knew?

Breathing

2009-09-03T16:04:00.002-04:00

In aikido as in other aspects of life, breathing is important. You want to be exhaling as you hit the floor to absorb some of the impact and inhale to push yourself back to standing. You would also want to exhale on the throw to gather the breath power/ki and put it into the throw.

In making my way through changes in my life both in the recent past and long time past, I've paid a lot of attention to my breath. Sometimes all I seemed to have the emotional strength to do was breathe. And sometimes that's all I did need to have the emotional strength to do. Breathe and be, be awareness being aware. Sounds all esoteric and bullshitty doesn't it? It's not. It's how I got sober, it's how I stayed sober, it's how I got strong, and it's how I've stayed strong.

Breathe, and be. Then do it again. And because my meditation technique is largely informed by Tibetan Buddhism it's ok while you're doing this to breathe and be and pet the cat, or scratch whatever you need to scratch.

AikidoT

2009-08-31T21:35:00.002-04:00

This one is kind of scary The instructor is Skip Chapman Sensei, Jersey Shore Aikikai.

Randori This instructor is Peter Bernath Sensei, Florida Aikikai.

This is the kind of randori referred to in the title of this blog. Bernath Sensei's is amazing.

More With The Ice

2009-08-31T21:31:00.002-04:00

SO, blah, blah, blah - the deal is I go to aikido, I fall. A lot. During I get thrown or pinned on the floor, sometimes I ask my sempai to throw me hard to practice I did all of that tonight. I need 11 ice packs to cover all the germane girl parts that need to be iced. My cats think I'm turning the joint into a penguin refuge. They also do not think I provide enough fish for it to be a good penguin refuge. And they object to the cold.

Somedays I want

2009-08-26T20:56:00.002-04:00

To exercise my keen command of gutter invective, and scream: "douche eared motherfuckers" whilst driving. It doesn't necessarily need to make sense especially if you snarl it with the proper intonation of disdain and menace. "Snot sucking fuckwad" is another favorite and I, of course, overuse the rhetorical "what's your fucking problem, did you douche with mace or stupid?"

After more years of therapy than I can recall, I can still find anger every damn day. Every damn day, for more than 30 years. I suppose I was expecting to be done being angry at some point. And I know at certain points I was afraid to stop being angry. But this is not that. I get tired of anger being my instinctive reaction so often still.

I can keep it in check when the parties at whom I might direct it, whether justifiably or not are important enough to me to work at managing it. But I am surprised that I still struggle with it every day. Still.

Quality Family Time

2009-08-23T22:36:00.002-04:00

I was sitting around with the parental units, the sisters, the nieces and the brother in law, and happened to make an offhand comment that I'd misplaced my good thong. The mothership remarked, "Jeez, that must be the size of a hula hoop." My response was, "true, but if I wear white grannies they make my ass look like a drive in movie screen."

The payoff was that we made the assembled parties shoot their respective beverages out their noses. I love it when the random hilarity leads to nosers.

What I Don't Quite Get

2009-08-20T21:56:00.002-04:00

amid all of the hoopla about health care reform and so forth, there's been an ongoing debate even since before Roe vs. Wade decision and folks who identify as conservative don't think women should be having abortions, finding the right to life to be a moral imperative. But many of these same paid talking heads see no moral imperative to insuring people's health? And are spreading ruckus and mess about the rationing of health care? Hello, if you have money and/or insurance, you get health care. If you don't have money and/or insurance, you don't. There's your rationing.

Now 'splain real slow for me, how that's moral, or justifiable.

Ru'roh

2009-08-15T16:11:00.002-04:00

Sharkbutt is going to be 5 next weekend and I promised him that he would be the baby cat until he was 5. He may or may not be concerned about this status but a recent reread of the homeowners ass bylaws indicates that I'm only supposed to have 2 cats. So one of these is my sister's who is boarding it with me whilst she travels.

ICE

2009-08-01T18:57:00.002-04:00

I spend a lot of quality time with ice packs on my person lately, at an attempt to keep inflammation away. With the aikido training comes the increased inflammation and there's only so much NSAID's that my guts will contend with so I'm all about the ice. Also, dropping turmeric capsules a couple of times a day, makes for interesting breath which is much less of a concern lately.

Todays Aikido Adventure

2009-07-27T21:51:00.003-04:00

Featured ai hanmi katatetori - which as luck would have it is standing in the same stance to your uke (loosely opponent, literally recipient but this is the party that initiates the attack and has the aikido done to them). Most basically you stand with your left foot forward and uke does the same or vice versa. Then they grab your wrist. Then you do something about it, in most techniques tonight we were breaking the severity of the grip by moving the ukes arm to a weaker spot usually away from their centerline, often in toward their face, ultimately landing them on their face or anterior side anyway. The beauty of this particular attack is that it's slower moving than being punched but the defenses are very similar and each technique you can do from either attack. Versatility is important. Because you'll see on yesterday's posting listing what all has got to be accomplished during the test there's no ai hanmi katatetori, but there is tsuki (punch).

So there ya go, or more accurately there I go, babbling happily about Aikido.

Soon I'll scrounge up some You Tube clips to link to, it'll make more sense.

It's Time

2009-07-26T19:56:00.002-04:00

After a chat with my aikido mentor and friend known as the Passion King, I've started preparing to test for the rank of 1st kyu in Aikido. I've trained in Aikido for the last 15 years the first 7 were pretty intense the last 8 less intensely. Although the last 9 months have amped it up. Which is good for my mental health, very good for my mental health. But to test I have to kick it up a notch or two. So this is what I'm expected to do. At the earlier levels, the techniques are called out and you do them. At this level the attack is called and you're expected to respond, it's an intense kind of fun. And my updates will be mainly focused on how that's going.

1st Kyu (300 days)
Katatori menuchi - 5 techniques
Yokomenuchi - 5 techniques
Morotetori - 5 techniques
Shomenuchi - 5 techniques
Ryotetori - 5 techniques
Koshinage - 5 techniques
Hanmi handachi Ushiro Waza - 5 techniques
Tantotori
Freestyle: 3 attackers

Fresh French Fried Hell

2009-07-16T21:26:00.002-04:00

I don't work with the all of the sharpest crayons in the box,and we seem to get into some semantic trouble with the dread business casual. Folks seem to think that as long as their business is covered, they're work appropriate. Um, no, this is not the case, and seriously one had such a short skirt on earlier in the week that she was going to be advised to wear a hairnet.

I've made a sign to go next to my NO WHINING sign, it says, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN WEAR IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD.

I really don't know what my next step should be but smart money says it will make my boss pee himself.

Randori

2009-07-10T18:18:00.002-04:00

Just because I like to repeat it every once in a while. Randori means to embrace chaos. Lately I think I'm also embodying chaos.

6 Things that Make me Happy

2009-05-30T10:24:00.002-04:00

Sharkbutt told me to do this so I'm doing it. Please consider yourself tagged.

1) Coffee - does this really require explanation?

2) Baseball - love me some baseball

3) Friends - new ones, old ones, consigliere ones ain't much worth doing without friends.

4) Water - yes, I know fish fuck in it, I'm still grateful for it.

5) Music - because now that the voices in my head have shut the fuck up, I've got a soundtrack.

6) The Sassy one - knows who she is, her and her loyal posse of boy and cats are quite the finest gift from the universe.

so

2009-05-18T21:04:00.001-04:00

I'm watching a baseball game and some lunatic on the Twins is making out with his baseball bat, after having strenuously conversed with same. Yeah ok.

Tibetan Medicine and Assorted Frolic

2009-05-01T19:46:00.003-04:00

I partook of some quality monk time up in Ithaca New York recently. The monks are at Namgyal Monastery, which is the North American Seat of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I'm a fan of him and his monks. I first encountered these monks at a Sand Mandala Construction they performed at a local college. Sand Mandalas

They radiate serenity even while performing this sacred construction that would quite frankly send me straight over the edge. Dropping grains of sand with this kind of precision, make this remarkable and beautiful mandala and then, the sand gets deposited with great ceremony into a body of water. To remind us of impermanence... I'm reminded of impermanence on those rare occasions I thoroughly clean my house and then mess it back up again.

The monastery was sponsoring Dr. Jampa Yonten who was speaking on Tibetan Medicine. It's described as a unique blend of Traditional Chinese Medicine, Ayurvedic, and shamanism. The components of health and energy they are most concerned with are wind, bile and phlegm. We did meditation, some Tibetan yoga, chanting (I really like chanting), circumnambulation (walking around a sacred structure chanting) and some discussion. It was interesting and I'm glad I did it.

Let's All Panic

2009-04-10T09:53:00.002-04:00

CC Sabathia got hit, a lot in his very first start for the Yankees. Let's forget that there are 162 games in the baseball season and that they will not lose all of them. And indeed, while the Yankees did not win the next game, they did win the one after that. Sheesh.

I am mystified

2009-03-24T18:14:00.002-04:00

by what could it possibly be about my bearing and demeanor that would suggest for the vaguest fraction of an instant that I have any interest in hearing how a veritable stranger burnt her genitalia. Truth be told I would have lived the rest of my life happily assuming that they removed her whup when they removed any suggestion of personality.

I don't consider myself a friendly soul, several of my closest friends have told me when they first met me that they considered me scary and yeah, that's what I'm going for because if you're afraid of me you're refraining from telling me just how you crisped up your va-jay-jay.

Plainspeaking

2009-03-21T07:57:00.002-04:00

Let us be clear, despite having converted to Buddhism some years ago, I was raised Catholic, by people who remain staunchly Catholic. I remain staunchly plainspoken and a big fan of logic. Pope Benedict XVI is a moron. A fool without flaw, dumber than a sack of hammers. His ill-informed remarks on condoms and that they do not work to prevent HIV infection are idiotic, moronic and just plain cruel. Ya know, adding to the sum total of suffering in the world as more people contract this disease. But what do we expect from a man who in one of his previous jobs in the Church (the world's original bureaucracy, and original organized crime organization but that dear reader is a subject for a whole other rant) denied the extent of the pedophilia problem within the Catholic Church.

This kind of logic is why the Catholic Church will be a dead institution in coming generations, foolish pronouncements like this are going to cause people to die needlessly:While the Roman Catholic Church's historic stance against contraception was known, it was the first time that a pope had spoken out publicly against the use of condoms to prevent HIV infection for more than 30 years, the IAS said.
Pope Benedict XVI sparked global condemnation with his comments as he began his first visit to Africa as pontiff on Tuesday
Benedict said on the plane taking him to Cameroon that AIDS "cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems."
The IAS insisted that condoms are a critical, cheap and proven element in HIV prevention.
"Instead of spreading ignorance, the Pope should use his global position of leadership to encourage young people, who are our future, to protect themselves and others from HIV infection using all the tools we have at our disposal, including condoms," said IAS president Julio Montaner.
"His remarks are insulting to the tireless efforts of committed scientific, public health and human rights leaders around the world to protect the poorest of the poor from HIV infection." this lucid commentary is Copyright © 2009 AFP. All rights reserved. The ravings mine.

Occasionally

2009-03-18T21:38:00.003-04:00

I am mistaken for one of my African American coworkers, we are mainly close in size (width) not so much height, and age. Complexion not so much.

I tend to find it endlessly entertaining.

Oddly

2009-03-04T21:36:00.001-05:00

I was accused of calling a coworker a strumpet today. Now, I will confess to using strumpet occasionally and appropriately but not regarding coworkers, $2 dollar shanty Irish whore, oh hell yes, strumpet? no.

Ok

2009-02-16T20:58:00.001-05:00

so I'm no longer quite so bitter about the Verizon and the support or lack there of fiasco, but I'm bitter enough, but since they didn't try to bill me for the 'premium' support I'd say they're running lucky. Because I'd have developed an entire product line of profanity for such an occasion. Transcending my personal fave rat bastard maggot fuckers.

Back

2009-01-29T19:41:00.002-05:00

well fuck, fuckin' Verizon, despite their lack of assistance, I'm back on line. apparently you have got to pay to speak to someone who actually speaks English, despite having been transferred from the folks who sorta speak English to the premium technical support the tech could not speak to me until I spoke to a salesperson.

Left to figure out on my own it took a while. I'm hoping there are other alternatives but recalling the verbal abuse I've heaped upon the technical support at the other avenues available to me, I fear I may have to rig some kind of tin can, string arrangement.

Fuckers.

The Tradition Was...

2009-01-18T09:46:00.003-05:00

to dance with them that brung ya. But in the case of President Elect Obama, it's more of a fuck them that brung ya. Rick Warren? Really? Several weeks ago when I learned of the invitation of Warren to deliver the inaugural invocation, I'm pondered that for a while reading transcripts of comments Pastor Warren gave equating Gay Marriage to pedophilia. Note to Pastor Warren: pedophiles are historically much more likely to be in your line of work. Feeling disrespected and pissed off, I wrote to the Obama folk and having received the standard dash off, thanks for your comments automated email response, I removed myself from their mailing list as well as the mailing lists of Move-On.org and the HRC. Perhaps not the ideal solution but I'm past the point of enabling people to treat me with disrespect. And taking my money out of the political marketplace was my main way to do it. I don't need to pay to get fucked.

I continue to fantasize about my own political party, one that promotes the position that freedom from religion is as important as freedom of religion, also one that actively questions why marriage is considered a civil business at all when it's historical origins include being considered a sacrament by the Catholic Church and thus why aren't all 'marriages' simply civil unions within the law. Why is one being issued a licensed for what clearly originated as a religious instituion, oh yeah and historically a way for men to own women? I know for a fact back in my Catholic days I didn't not require a license to be baptized, first communioned or confirmed, and nobody had better obtain one to get me extreme unctioned or else we gonna brawl.

Yeah

2009-01-03T21:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Freakin' New Year.

Blah, blah, blah.

The FReakin' Plague

2008-12-20T19:06:00.003-05:00

So I have another year end coughter event (coughter is like laughter only not as funny) Not enjoying the coughing. But I'm lolling around watching Shrek, and am almost startled to see how much he reminds me of me. Well, except that I'm usually not green. And I don't need donkey, because I have Sharkbutt and the big cats.

Sharkbutt Insists and Who Am I to Argue?

2008-12-12T20:52:00.002-05:00

I am going to do this
but, no not quick enough for sharkbutt, I'm not a cow and I don't moo.

1) I drink a lot of water, I used to drink a lot of scotch, big lot.
2) I'm not that bad at cooking, I'm bad at keeping track of the recipe.
3) I do have a coworker that's nutty as squirrel poo.
4) My ring tone is the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - parallel with my life.
5) I skateboard in my living room.
6) Hanging out with the guys is even more peaceful than hanging out with the cats http://www.namgyal.org/
7) THe moon is full tonight and I was just out baying at it, the nastygram from the homeowners ass is probably already in the mail.
8) I read alot.
9) My Saturday wear is a hoody and a sarong, stylin'.
10) I'm thinking instead of gay people not being allowed to enter into marriage let's just call everyone's deal civil unions and be done with it.

10 Honest things about me

2008-12-07T19:59:00.001-05:00

Sharkbutt already did a fine job on this over at his blog, I shall update as the spirit moves me, but understand me now and hear me later, I'm not a cow, I do, however, moo.

Fuck, Shit, Hell

2008-11-24T21:12:00.004-05:00

My friend Ken died over the weekend. He was the guru of all things health benefits at our joint. Lots of fun, a good soul. We were the same age, his birthday the 22nd, mine's the 23rd. His cancer had been in remission, his prognosis was great, until the mets. All kinds of fucking mets. Showed up on his last PET scan. People have been walking around work looking lost since we were told he'd not be able to come back to work. Fuck, Shit, Hell, Damn.

This was kind of cool

2008-11-01T10:30:00.001-04:00

I have found Lama Surya Das to be insightful and pithy as hell.

Interview with Lama Surya Das

Insight From Bosco the Wonder Dog

2008-11-01T10:24:00.002-04:00

You rong. You rexperiencink pain cos sara palin has her razor sharp rodent teef sunk in you leg. Her want to stop you from ebber gedding married n stuff. She say she reed yor blog and you an arab. She say she reed yor blog and you pal around wif nutjobs. She say you not even a reel amarican. chomp chomp. pain. see?

yor frend,

Bosco!

Dear Bosco,
To quote my dear Sharkbutt, you make a rinteresting point and are scary kind of right. He calls her Sarah Pale-end. I think she needs to get a grip and it needs to be a grip off of my leg and out of my damn pocket.
Thanks,
Sheena Sharkbutts foodchik.

Not Just a Freakin' River in Egypt

2008-10-31T20:36:00.004-04:00

Denial, it takes many forms and guises. Earlier in the week, I experienced knee pain, I don't do joint pain so I heeded the warning and refrained from Aikido until I could consult with P the torturer who is charged with all my orthopedic, chiropractic and muscular needs. She tested for a sartorius strain, no joy and checked the meniscus, nothing there - good news and given my symptoms thought perhaps my medial collateral ligament had been tweaked and perhaps I should rest and ice it. I have done that and it's gotten worse, and this is only my insight and certainly no reflection on any of the cadre of professional torturers I consult, but I think it's arthritis. It's no longer a medial deal and if I exercise (2.5 miles in 40 minutes @ the gym tonight) it feels better and it does, I'm guessing it's arthritis.

From Bosco

2008-10-30T19:09:00.003-04:00

Hi, it's Sharkbutt's fren Bosco!

Foodchick happy cos she got us doggs. Me happy too, but me think peeple crazee. Me watch tv newz wif foodchick, and the old guy that on all the time, he look like somebodee leff him out in da sun too long. He look he going to hab a stroke. And da lady what be wif him sometimes, they say on tv she gone rogue. Me know what dat iz from watching aminal planet wif foodchick! It meenz she turneded into a elephant that stampedes over everybodee and use its tusks to turn stuff over and uproot trees n stuff. And they trumpet lots. Then somebody shoot it wif trank dart and it go to sleep and wake up in circus act.

xo

Bosco!

1:22 PM

Hi Bosco, How are you? And your teeth? Give your foodchik a hello for me. I used to watch the tv news, but the old plastic guy looks too scary to me and the energy coming off him is looking more and more toxic. And yes, that lady sure seems to be stampeding and around and I'd sure not trust her with tusks. Both of them look to me like a trank dart would be a really good idea.

If Sharkbutt runs for president, I think he'd want you to be his vice president and chief advisor Bosco, you're really smart.

Have a happy day,
Sheena, sharkbutt's foodchik.

In My Ample Spare Time Tonight...

2008-10-30T19:03:00.003-04:00

I have to further investigate the funeral methods of Tibetan Buddhists, I promised a friend that I would throw her one, and not that she's going anywhere, but this is probably something best not attempted on the fly.

I need to write about Reiki for another friend whilst ignoring the fucking doorbell.

If the weather is, as promised in the 60's this weekend, I need to liberate some sentient beings and pray over them to change the karmic balance a little for some folks I know.

I've gotta figure out the freakin' weather stripping.

And what I'm going to do is read, do laundry and exercise with the cats. Because that's really all I need to do. Though, I've been advised all I really need to do is breathe.

Siiiiigh

2008-10-29T21:46:00.002-04:00

My grandparents were old school, at the time of his death in 1995 my maternal grandfather was 103. We're talking old, old school. So I'm sitting here, watching the World Series game and we get a Cialis commercial. I can just picture being pulled up to the tv in my grandfather's house watching the world series together as we would do and trying to pretend that there was not a discussion of erectile dysfunction going on on the tv. Such a thing would have made his eyeballs explode, mine too.

Triumph of Reason or what?

2008-10-25T09:04:00.002-04:00

So the world is or is not in a recession, the stock market is pretty much in the shitter and the verbose class is hollering the sky is falling. Except no, the sky is not falling. Yes, the economic state of affairs is daunting. But no, the sky is still where it belongs. And if you (among the half dozen people that might stumble across my natterings) are reading this several things are true, your lungs are working, your heart is beating and with any kind of good luck you and your loved ones are in good health. You have access to a computer which suggests that you have access to healthy food, clean water, heat and shelter. So you're better off than most of the folks currently occupying the planet. And if you're a Phillies or Rays fan - you can just quit your bitchin' now.

If, like me, you enjoy the presence of pets in your life, you've got it as good as anyone can ask for. I've got an 18lb, striped 8 year old on my left lap, and a calico Puppy on my left shoulder. The Shark is patrolling the non-waters for snacks, toys and food. Eventually he will disturb one of the occupants so he can type his blog.

I'm grateful for those items mentioned above and that I have leisure time on a Saturday morning to type my thoughts.

Things that make you go hmmm Revisited

2008-10-19T12:42:00.002-04:00

Now, you know there wasn't any way I was letting this go. To review, friend passed along the opinion of her aunt that one can determine that one is pregnant by squatting over a mirror and seeing if one's cervix is blue. Since i was visiting the friendly neighborhood doc last week, I asked her to weigh in on the matter. She took my question very very seriously, as she is prone to do. But ventured that without sufficient lighting especially early in a pregnancy you ain't seeing that bad boy cervix. Then there's the whole matter of shedding enough light on the subject, I was left with visions of the doctor-style headlamp with reflector and the head of the wearer on its way adjacent to its own ass.

So amongst the medical profession, the bird eye view of the cervix mirror or no, not so much. However, the color of the vulva do change when one is pregnant. Who knew?

I Have More Than A Few Issues

2008-10-19T12:27:00.003-04:00

with which I disagree with the Republican candidate for president, and the Republican Party.

This states it way better than I could.

If you're thinking of voting for McCain read this

Random Pondering

2008-10-13T07:22:00.002-04:00

As I type pondering it doesn't really look right to me, preferring the Jerseyism - pondle, which as you might anticipate is a combination of ponder and fondle. Hey, as a massage therapist, I'm a tactile thinker. That's my story and I stick to it. Well, and I have this whole semi-permanent soft porn reel looping through my head. Anyway, in my abundant free time (ha) I had an opportunity to take a real good look at my hands and forearms. For a large woman (I'm a shade under 5'10" fresh out of the chiropractor) my hands are small in length, but wide and for lack of a better word, thick. More than once my forearms have gathered some notice, especially memorable was the time, a friend said, "Hey Sheena, Pop-Eye called, he wants his forearms back." All in all, I'd say among my untattooed appendages they're my favorites.

I recall one experience during my clinical training as a massage therapist, the client, a woman in her late middle years, exclaiming for the better part of a half hour that my hands were so big. Good that she was prone, because, I looked at my hands, looked at her as if she had lost her mind and kept right on with what I was doing. Other people heard her remarks and after the massages were over came to investigate. To a person, we responded, what the fuck?

Weight Watchers

2008-10-11T15:22:00.002-04:00

Rejoined Weight Watchers the other week and have lost 4.8 lbs so far. It does find me more uttering more creative euphemisms to discribe my hunger.

I'm so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk.
I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a ragdoll.

Well, that's pretty much all I can put on a blog without getting a nastygram, I think.

Back to Aikido

2008-10-07T08:36:00.003-04:00

I'm quite excited about the prospect of returning to Aikido class tonight. Mainly, because I love Aikido - love it. More than once I've considered forgoing the old job and becoming an Ushi-deshi (kind of a live in minion) but then what would I do with the cats. And who the hell am I kidding, my 8 hours of paying miniondom is just fine thanks very much. Also, I'd set the goal (loosely as many of my goals are ever set) to earn the rank of Shodan (1st degree black belt) before my next birthday that ends in zero. No need to worry about what that is, if you know it's cuz you have the sense to keep quiet about it and if you don't know, either ask me or demonstrate the sense to keep quiet about it. And yep, I digress.

So, part of the prep for this entails finding the house garments - gi, hakama, belt, tape and braces for the joints that need taping and bracing. And vitamin N, naproxen - my anti-inflammatory agent of choice. Vitamin I Ibuprofen makes me act some kind of rabid so i can't take that one any more.

You can expect periodic updates on my training. The name of this blog is east coast randori - there's a definition of randori in the header, it's as apt a metaphor for life, at least my life as I've ever come across. And while I enjoy the one on one partner work of aikido where you learn the technique, refine the technique and learn to fall with a certain amount of grace. Randori brings it to the next level where rather than reacting to a set technique, you respond to what ever comes your way - a fist to the face, a grab from behind, whatever. Then dispatch the uke (attacker - although it really means the person receiving your technique) across the room. Sweet deal!

Anger, Gratitude and the Whole Ball of Mess

2008-10-06T20:32:00.003-04:00

When one has read entirely too much self-help literature as I admittedly have, one gets a big heaping dose of thought on the toxicity of anger. I do not completely disagree because I’m quite cognizant of the effects that my own anger has had on my relationships with others as well as with myself (talking to myself has not always been as pleasurable an activity as it is today). On the other hand, I know damn right well that for more years than I’d care to count anger kept me going and saved my life. In the main I manage it pretty well lately, and no longer rely on my own anger and rage getting me out of bed in the morning (and not because I have the ‘cat stomp on bladder alarm’ made famous by my cat Sharkbutt). So while I do work at being mindful of the whys of my emotions and dig to discern what's at the root of my shit.

So what I'm reading now is called Feeding Your Demons,by Tsultrim Allione and it talks about treating them compassionately. Visualizing my body melting into a nectar that feeds the demon and treating the demon with compassion, until it turns into an ally or a protective daemon. Now, anger ain't my only demon, not by a long damn shot. And most of the demons I've collected I collected before I was a teenager. So I've been holding them at arms length for a long time. Still get flashbacks from some of them. Yeah, PTSD kinds of flashbacks, and I thought I was just twitchy. Turns out it was maybe a little more than then twitchiness on my part.

So today, I'm beyond grateful to the anger and that somewhere deep inside I had the wisdom to use it for what I needed it, and mostly had the good sense to stay out of trouble. It took until I was about forty to be happy to be the person who I saw in the mirror every morning, and I'm grateful that I've hung in that long.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

2008-10-04T11:05:00.002-04:00

Dined with some friends the night before last and then a different group of friends last night as well. With me so far? One of me pals from night before last remarked that she'd heard that if one's cervix is blue in color that indicates that one is pregnant. Now, as a matter of vajayjay generalities I'm not unfamiliar with the turf in question here, and because I have a vajayjay as well as dine from that side of the buffet, I will even go so far as to claim a certain expertise. And I can safely say in my travels I've not ever seen a cervix from the squatting or any other viewpoint. My thought is that if you're dealing with that much ambient light emanating from that region pregnancy is not as much of an issue as getting the flashlight out of that hoohoo. I'm just sayin'. So I broached the question with the last nights gang of friends who, like me, enjoy the other side of the buffet and they've all concurred with my logic here.

And if you happen to be keeping score Euphemisms 3, Anatomically accurate noun - 1.

Deep Thoughts

2008-09-30T20:22:00.002-04:00

Ok, I lie, nothing deep about this one. Michelle Obama will be the hottest first lady - ever!!!!

Back

2008-09-23T18:47:00.003-04:00

Rev girls 5 for Friday - Vulnerability

2008-09-06T11:51:00.002-04:00

1. Is vulnerability something that comes easily to you, or are you a private person?
Not even remotely. Vulnerability has been among my biggest fears.

2.How important is it to keep up a professional persona in work/ ministry?
I don't manage to do it, so I'm not finding it important.

3. Masks, a form of self protection discuss...
I think masks are a form of self protection. I'm more comfortable with the concept of walls, I believe that with me what you see is what you get. But what you see is what I'm willing to show. And that ain't always much.

4. Who knows you warts and all?
My consigliere.

5. Share a book, a prayer, a piece of music, a poem or a person that touches the deep place in your soul, and calls you to be who you are most authentically.
For as long as space endures, for as long as sentient beings remain, may I too remain to dispel the misery of the world.

Hopes and Dreams

2008-08-26T19:59:00.004-04:00

Someone pointed out that one's blog is a good place to talk about one's hopes and dreams.

I hope coworker I.L. gets laryngytis real soon, for real long.

I wish Dominos would bring me a hot fudge sundae and a bottle of Aleve.

I wish I wasn't allergic to topical treatments for poison ivy. And it goes without saying I wish I wasn't allergic to poison ivy.

I wish the cats would learn to use the toilet already, damn it to hell.

I've been dreaming about monkeys a lot lately, not sure what that's about.

I had turkey chili for dinner and hope I don't dream about chili. Or Chile for that matter.

Science in the Private Interest

2008-08-23T16:19:00.002-04:00

Strains of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science" whirled through my head (note to self: must discuss my "life has a sound track" theory in another blog posting) as I investigated just what no longer fresh hell was percolating in my refrigerator. I'd not be surprised to find that some of that which I cleared out of my refrigerator would cure blindness. I'm guessing I missed more than somewhat the 2006 versions of mess in my fridge. Hmm, vintage yogurt, I should sell it on ebay. Ha!

Why?

2008-08-04T20:10:00.002-04:00

Do the dregs of my green drink and the dregs of my protein shake smell like the french fried hell of monkey ass?

Does Sharkbutt the catlet lick my head so much?

Does it feel so damn good to be able to fix my own shirt collar? **Yay for range of motion.**

Range of motion is a beautiful thing

2008-08-04T15:07:00.002-04:00

My left shoulder is fucked up, or more accurately I would propose that I've likely got a spot of tendinitis in the long head of my bicepts and there's something awry with the supraspinatus tendon as well, or to keep it short my shoulder is fucked up. My good bud, M, and I swapped massages today and she mentioned that my left shoulder was visibly fucked up. So she went to work and now it is a rare delight of shoulder motion!!!!! Yay!

Are you freakin' kiddin' me with this?

2008-08-03T07:31:00.001-04:00

Apparently not, Christ in a cheetoh

I've got an idea, how about instead of looking for the son of God in food products, try reading up on his life and his message. Ya know that whole love another deal.

Hmm

2008-08-02T14:46:00.002-04:00

Unlike Christiane Amanpour I have not ever met His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Amanpour Dalai Lama

But I have made the acquaintance of several Tibetan Buddhist monks, most of whom were ordained by HH the DL. And I have found them all to be simply mesmerizing in the serenity that just emanates from them in waves. Luckily, I'd also found it to be contagious.

To Elaborate ...

2008-08-02T10:07:00.002-04:00

on the C word used in the previous post, no need to go back. C as in Catholic and my 17 fun filled action packed years in Catholic school, she said ironically. The 17 years are not indicative of an intrinsic slowness on my part that required any repeat performances but of a journey that started when I was 5 and ended with a BS in Accounting - yes, nuns as teachers of the counting of the bean, who knew? It was an interesting journey, crowded with activities such as youth groups, hell, at a point I was even a CCD teacher(Confraternity of Christian Doctrine). And at another point I had a job turning pages of sheet music for a church organist.

There were many intended and unintended benefits, until I started my present job and let my grammar go straight to hell, both my written and spoken grammar were impeccable and the spelling isn't half bad either. But that was of course, the point of being sent to Catholic school. The unintended benefit was in having so intense an exposure to doctrine and dogma, they taught me to reason, and think. Heaven help them.

Meme Thing From Shazza

2008-07-31T20:29:00.003-04:00

The rules:
1. Post the link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 songs you are embarrassed to admit to others that you like and tell why.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post

Here's Shazza's link: !Random!

Ok, here's the twist, even though I'm what people call a lapsed Catholic (pshaw, I ran, I didn't lapse) I spent a lot of time in Catholic school and a lot of time in church and really, the music is the only thing I miss. Appalling, yes, but if it ain't Baroque don't fix it. (I'm here 'til Tuesday try the veal and be sure to tip your hardworking waitresses and bartenders)

1- O' Come O' Come Emmanuel - if your ass is in grade school, they (the nuns) make you sing a lot to keep you busy.

2- Don't recall the title but the lyric - O saving victim open wide the gates of heaven to man below... ya just don't get lyrics like that in Tibetan chants, even if I spoke more than 6 words of Tibetan.

3- Ave Maria - my sister and I occasionally indulge in Mafia movie/chickflick marathons. We get through the slow parts but fastforwarding and chanting 1,2,3, die. But we both agreed that we will not allow this to be played at any funerals we are in charge of, because someone always gets whacked!

4- Mickey by Toni Basil - ok not churchy, but cheerleadery and even more importantly corny as hell.

5- Milkshake by Kelis - this in and of itself is not a terribly embarrassing song, certainly not in the league with church music and Toni Basil. What renders it appallingly embarrassing for me is the Pavlovian effect it has on my ass shaking. I'm generously supplied with ass and so that it doesn't get away from me and hurt anyone, mostly it's clenched. Milkshake rocks it loose!

So anyone reading this, if you feel like it, consider yourself tagged

Well, Speaking of Getting Out of MY HEAD

2008-07-22T19:46:00.002-04:00

and back in my body. Wore a brand new bullet proof sports bra today, the puppies where perky, the puppies were not moving. The puppies were trapped like rats. And typically if I'm upright the puppies are brassiered, but when I got to my car this afternoon, I went all free willie on the twins. There is nothing that quite grabs the attention like sore breasts. Trust me.

But I Liked This One and Sharkbutt Did not

2008-07-21T19:05:00.000-04:00

He says it has too many words.

Sharkbutt and I enjoyed this

2008-07-21T18:48:00.000-04:00

Choices

2008-07-21T13:07:00.002-04:00

Every once in a while the universe manages to give me a semi-brisk swat upside the head, a reminder to please pay attention. Starts off gently, but if I ignore it for too long the reminders become less gentle and more profound. Having learned quite some time ago that there really are no such things as coincidences, I slowly begin to acknowledge what I've apparently always known. My work here isn't done yet, as much as I'd like to coast at my previous accomplishments of mucking out the stalls of my past, I'm reminded, nope, not done yet, not by a long damn shot. As much as I like to believe I've accepted the past as reality, there are aspects of it that I go out of my way to avoid thinking about, feeling about and exploring in order to have them fit into the whole as opposed to monitoring their expulsion to the corner. Unbidden they roar to the surface, and I'm off on a roller coaster ride but this time of my own volition. Reminding myself that equanimity is nice fucking work if you can get it, but not at the cost of numbing out. Having spent as much time as I did as a blackout drunk, I know that numbing out doesn't really work too well for me. Nor did the rage addiction style of numbing out, nor is the bulk in which I've wrapped myself to help preserve the illusion of invulnerability by keeping most ordinary kinds of vulnerability at bay. Nor does this whole bliss kitten meditation addicted trip I've been on of late. Which I was trying to pretend that I didn't know. So it's time for me to wade on into the middle of the tumultuous essence that I've been skirting the sides of for a little too long now. The good news to me at least is that I will get out of my head for a bit and back into my body and who knows, perhaps my right goddamned mind. Whatever that is.

Beach

2008-07-08T19:51:00.002-04:00

I went to the beach with the fabulous Ms. S and the amazing JT yesterday. It was a delightful day at the beach, cooling breeze, not too too sunny. Not terribly crowded and the company was excellent. I have always been a big beach fan and periodically go and sit alone or with some of my grown up friends. But it's always delightful to go with JT, his excitement at being at the beach reflects my own and while I'm not entirely certain he finds it as soothing as I do. I'm not entirely certain anyone finds it as soothing as I do. The time I've spent at the beach has been the secret to any remaining mental health I possess.

I get the sense

2008-07-01T20:46:00.004-04:00

that my moon is in Uranus, or perhaps my head is in my anus. This is just a collection of how well my day went.

1 - Installed panty shield sticky side up. Was not prepared for the depilatory efficiency.

2 - Whilst in my office, gave by sunburnt cleavage a scratch and discovered Stripe the cats morning antibiotic dose in said cleavage.

3 - Coworker L had obvious bruising and swelling to ring finger (this was obvious from across the room) knowing L is on umpteen kinds of cardiac meds including blood thinners, I suggested she go see the nurse. Given my own experience with the nurse, I should not have been surprised that L was sent back with an ice pack. The nurse suggested she take a Benadryl or two thinking that something had bitten her. So good, the mice probably have their own pets that bite.

4 - One word - shart.

5 - Burnt the torilla chips whilst mesquite smoking them and dropped one of them down me cleavage. Joy more itching.

I will leave it there for now, noting that it is not 9 pm yet.

Well Yes, Since I Brought It Up

2008-06-29T19:56:00.002-04:00

I am premenstrual severely, premenstrual. I was buzzing around Wegman's with the fabulous Ms. S, the cutest girl on two feet and this is usually a pleasant, even delightful experience for me. Do not get me wrong the aspect of basking in the company of Ms. S is withhout fail a delight. But my body chemistry has murderous intent and one simple twat adjacent to the avocados had days that were way past numbered.

A confession: I've been banned from a couple of supermarkets in my day, when I had the panties of evil (as I often refer to PMS) under far less control than I do today. And both of my bannings resulted in my behavior after I'd been hit with a shopping cart, in both cases, I was hit more than once and objected rather strenuously, loudly and as I am large, largely. This did not prevent me from being hit. In the one instance I simply turned around reached for the offending cart behind me in the checkout line and upended it. I was escorted from the store. the other time I was hit twice, but followed the offender to the parking lot and upended the cart on the hood of her car. 'Twas then, I said to myself "self, we may required professional help"...

Which we sought, from the shrink knowns as "that fucking woman in H-D". It's time to go work on my anger management exercises or tomorrow will not be an optimal work experience for anyone.

And Now for Something Completely Different - Cynthia Heimel

2008-06-29T19:54:00.001-04:00

The brilliance of Cynthia Heimel is in its complete glorious glory here:

12:26 | PMS and Outfits · Cynthia Heimel
Hello, I’m premenstrual. So I’ve chained myself to the radiator.

Why? Must you ask?

I’ve chained myself to the radiator because if I give myself an inch, I’ll go shopping. And if I go shopping I will buy something. And that thing I buy, that thing I find myself madly and irrevocably in love with, the thing that I think I’ve secretly wanted all my life and only finally had the courage to buy will probably be a brightly voluminous turquoise jumpsuit with epaulets. I’m not crazy about jumpsuits. I’ve shunned turquoise since I was seven. I hate epaulets.

But today I don’t. Today I think of epaulets as the bee’s knees. Today I think I might have been hasty in condemning jumpsuits and turquoise. Today I want to be wild and free as the wind. I have PMS. I am insane. Really bonkers. If you live in England and happen to have PMS when you commit a murder, you can be acquitted. England is a very enlightened country.

You wouldn’t believe the boots I got once. Putrid green. There was fringe involved, and I believe some silver studs. Maybe not, I can’t bear to open the box and look at them.

The buying of unfortunately colored boots is the biggest symptom of PMS. I was having a business lunch with a perfectly awful girl once, the kind of girl who steals boyfriends. She was wearing neon-blue, leather cowboy boots. Snakeskin and suede inserts. Scalloped tops. Tassels. Beige stacked heels. Excruciating. You could kill yourself just looking at them.

“What do you think of my boots?” she asked.

“When did you buy them?” I asked.

“Last week sometime,” she said.

“When was your last period?” I asked.

“It just started today,” she said. “Why?”

“No reason,” I said. “The boots are extremely pleasant.”

“You don’t think they’re a little busy or something? I’m having doubts.”

“On the contrary, I think your boots are very stylish and delightful,” I said, remembering how she tried to steal Rita’s boyfriend at a party once.

Once in the throes of PMS I had to go to a crucial meeting that would determine my entire future. I had to look great.

I surveyed the contents of my closet and burst into tears.

“I have nothing to wear!” I wailed. “Everying I own is too boring, boring, boring!”

Then I ransacked my drawers until I came upon this utterly charming, tomato-red sweater shoved behind some old bathing suits.

“Why, you cute thing,” I said to the sweater. “I wonder why I buried you.” Then, looking behind some boxes in a closet, I happened upon a magenta skirt.

“What a chic idea,” I decided.

I went through my tights and in a trice found a lovely burgundy-hued pair. A cerise jacket and scarlet shoes completed my ensemble.

“I am a symphony of reds,” I sang to myself as I left the house.

Luckily a security guard stopped me on my way to the meeting.

“You’re kidding about the outfit, right?” he asked.

“Out of my way, little man,” I commanded. “You just don’t understand innovations of style.”

“I understand that you look just like my wife does right before she gets her period,” he said. “‘Joe,’ my wife says, ‘you ever catch me trying to leave the house like this, lock me in a closet.’”

“You think a bright green dress instead?” I asked him.

”Do yourself a favor, go home and put on a navy suit,” he said.

So I did and so here are the PMS rules. Neglect them at your own peril:

Mark of on your calendar the day you will become insane. When that day arrives, you are officially on PMS-Watch. Call a nonpremenstrual friend to make decisions for you, even what to have for breakfast, because if she doesn’t, you’ll have Ring Dings and Valium.
When you’re not premenstrual, assemble a tasteful outfit for meetings-that-could-change-your-life. Make sure this ensemble hangs in the designated PMS area of your closet. Make sure you wear it.
One week before your period, give all your credit cards to a close friend. Tell her to lock them up until your third day of menstruation. By then the desire for hideous boots has flown.
Keep away from guns, knives, and epaulets.

More Vermin in the Workplace

2008-06-28T19:07:00.001-04:00

Apparently the extermination methods are more than somewhat effective.

Vermin In The Workplace Day 2

2008-06-21T08:44:00.003-04:00

We had another mouse appearance at work yesterday and as Evil Queen I was summoned! Am still mystified as to what was expected of me. My sprinting and catching wild animals days have pretty much passed me by. So this mouse was a bold fellow, just stood there calmly eyeballing me as I eyeballed him and I quickly slid a box lid under him and marched us over to the elevators. He, I and my friend G who was descending to the fresh hell of the 3rd floor rode down and I proceeded to take him to the first floor, intending to release him into the wilds of Trenton. As I departed the elevator, I was met by C of the maintenance staff who escorted the young mouse to the back yard. I am now known as both Evil Queen and mouse whisperer. This photo is more than somewhat blurry but is the mouse in question in the boxlid mentioned.

Vermin in the Workplace

2008-06-19T20:59:00.002-04:00

No I'm not referring to coworkers. One of my folks spotted a mouse making a break for it across her foot. She provided earsplitting shrieks as did the mouse, but I wasn't telling her that was the mouse shrieking. And at heart I am the Evil Queen so I'm bring some of my catlets toy mice to work to see what kind of hell I can raise.

OH FRESH HELL!

2008-06-17T18:50:00.003-04:00

I returned to work from a week off for good behavior and it just gets deeper in fucked up moronic nonsense. One of the minions makes it more and more obvious on a daily basis that she requires both hands, a road map and GPS to find her ass. Years ago I promised myself that I no longer literally or figuratively beat my head against the wall. Today, I came very close to breaking that promise to myself.

Hmmm

2008-06-14T13:11:00.003-04:00

So I'm off to a wedding later today, I'm not much for weddings and not simply because my kind are discouraged from having them and so forth. It's mainly because the sentiment expressed is not based in the reality of history. Love, forever, blah, blah, blah. Back in the day, it was a way to maintain a woman as property. People seem to forget that. And then you have the religical nuts who maintain that God has a hand in all this, ummm, hi, in that case it's just sanctified fucking and let's us knock off with this pretense of trying to holy it up, shall we? Then there is this whole business of people putting more time, energy and attention in to the wedding than they do into the marriage. Why? Is it because it's a couple of multi-billion dollar a year businesses, weddings and divorces? And marriage is work, sometimes brutally hard work? It is hard to know.

Meme A Roo

2008-06-08T12:11:00.002-04:00

I stole this one from Shazza at Random :

Technology
Q: What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Sharkbutt's baby picture

Q: How many televisions do you have in your house?
2

BIOLOGY
Q: Are you right handed or left handed?
Mainly right handed.

Q:Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
glass, teeth.

Q: What is the last heavy item you lifted?
My freezer

Q: Have you ever been knocked out?
Oddly, no I don't think so, even thought I fought for 20 odd years. So down yes, out no.

Bullshitology

Q: If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Hepzibah, no, not really

Q: What color do you think looks best on you?
Light blue, steel grey, cool colors.

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
Are bugs considered non-food items? And I suppose teeth are non food items, and back when I enjoyed tequila the wormage.

Dareology

Q: Would you kiss a member of the same sex for 100 dollars?
Duh...I'd do it for free!

Q: Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for 200,000$?
Oh hell no!

Q: Would you never blog again for 50,000$?
There will come a point when I tire of reading my nonsense and will not blog again for nothing. So sure.

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for 1,000$?
Um, no, not ever.

Q: Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for a million dollars?
there was a time when I thought my life would be incomplete without taking a couple of particular human lives for free, fortuitously that time has passed so unless it was a bizarre juncture of events where the taking of the life would alleviate that persons suffering, I'd have to decline.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
Wallet, keys

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
I would not know

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
Carpet

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
What is the point of showering if one is going to sit.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
I don't think I own any, my feet are too effed up for flip flops.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last person who texted you?
My sister M.

Q: Last person who called you?
Stacy

Q: Last person you hugged?
My consigliere

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
23, 11, I like 'em odd.

Q: Season?
Fall

Q: Color?
Indigo

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
Stacy

Q: Mood?
Tired, Hungry, Blasphemous.

Q: Listening to?
Ceiling fan

Q: Worrying about?
Will these effing cats learn how to use the toilet.

Q: Wearing?
shorts, shirt, shades, dainties.

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
the truck

Q: What can you not wait to do?
if I don't have to wait I don't, If I have to wait, I wait. there's no can't.

Q: Do you smile often?
oh fuck no.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
Um, no, not even remotely, I'm a NJ native, who outposted for 4 years in Scranton so my friendliest mood is surly, my unfriendliest rabid. there's not much middle ground here.

More With the Doom!

2008-06-01T16:49:00.001-04:00

Condi Rice meets Kiss

Yes, that KISS - 70's glam band extraordinaire. Perhaps it's time to start bending over and practice kissing our asses goodbye.

Yet Another Sign of Impending Doom

2008-05-31T10:21:00.003-04:00

I received a link to the following below in an email from this vendor this morning. Yes, it's true I do wear underwear. More often than not they're black, beyond that there will be no further discussion of my dainties, which as is much of my wardrobe, purchased for functionality and, truth be told practicality. If I could find machine washable, bulletproof dainties to match my machine washable, bulletproof sports bras I'd be in hog heaven.

Imagine my surprise to find that JMS (a division of Sara Lee, who also bring you Champion and Hanes brand sportswear and used to bring you Coach handbags but now I digress) is marketing an EXTREME MAKEUNDER. Doom, I say doom!

To me this is just asking for people to make puppets out of them and sell them on ETSY!

DUDES!!

2008-05-30T10:16:00.001-04:00

So would you believe Stripey my high maintenance cat has already successfully used the toilet apparatus? He did. I'm so proud, bursting with triumphant pride. And yes, it speaks ill of the quality of my life.

Because Aspirations for the End of Suffering of all Sentient Beings Does Not Keep Me Nearly Busy Enough

2008-05-28T20:54:00.002-04:00

I've decided that it's time for the cats to be toilet trained. I'd seen this proposed for years and must confess to being exceedingly curious about the video many of the kits include. Who is the video for, the cats or the foodchik/dude? Since I did not buy an apparatus that involved video I still cannot answer that question. Photos and updates as events warrant or as my whim of iron moves me.

Fascia

2008-05-22T19:25:00.002-04:00

Siiigh, I inadvertently strained the transversus abdominis in the lower medial left. Which basically means I jacked up my low belly adjacent to my groin and above my whup where such things attach, ok technically the musculature inserts to the symphasis pubis. Damn it to hell! and when I move my neck just right I feel that in my vajayjay and in a veritable sheath of connective tissue in between my neck and my whup. And my mission is to both rest and ice this region of my girlish self. Now I'm a big big fan of the therapeutic value of ice, the efficiency with which it reduces inflammation and that really nifty part after the throbbing bone chilling ache where things go numb. Not so much with either the bone chilling ache or it's predecessor freezing process on my belly. Whilst things are still inflamed (read painful) I cannot try any of my umpteen tricks for helping increase the circulation to the the regions in question.

Not sure quite how I did it, but since it's me, I'm pretty sure it was doing one damn dumb thing or another.

What part of May 19th at 10:00am do you not understand?

2008-05-19T18:25:00.002-04:00

My main occupation these days is a payroll queen. We pay once a month and today we closed at 10:00am. At 10:05, someone whirled insisting that his system problem was my problem and demanding I fix it. A) not my system, not my problem B) you're late you need to kiss my ass in Macy's window motherfucker so get gone. So in not so many words I told him to fuck off and I called his boss and told her that if he pulled this shit again he was going out the window and we're on the 7th floor.

Until I was 40 my greatest regret in life was that I'd not killed anyone and then I mellowed out, but today that good old rage was back. I was ready to choke the eyeballs out of this fucker.

Blah, Blah, Freakin' Blah a meme deal

2008-05-17T10:30:00.002-04:00

What is your occupation? Bliss Kitten, oh wait the one, I get paid for, full-time professional Evil Minion - Accounting and Finance

What color are your socks right now? One's black, one's white. Shut up. It was not a pretty morning

What are you listening to right now? The weeds being whacked

What was the last thing that you ate? Protein shake, oh wait drank that. Pre-bed dose of pure green, oh wait drank that too. Chicken.

Can you drive a stick shift? It's been a while but sure.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Usually Indigo, today Magenta, mainly because E Dillon referred to me as the bluebird of happiness, luckily I did not refer to her as the greenbird of mental illness.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? I think Elaine

How old are you today? 25 years younger than my mother, 31 years older than my oldest niece

Favorite drink? Iced red chai, water

What is your favorite sport to watch? rodeo

Have you ever dyed your hair? Um it's about 90% snow fucking white so yes

Favorite food? Mexican

Last movie you watched? Smart People - excellent flick

Favorite Day of the year? Any day I get to the beach, any day in AZ, September 24

What do you do to vent anger? Glare, Curse, rant, beat the snot out of the 80lb punching bag in the cats room

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was never what you'd call a child. brass knuckles

What is your favorite season? All but fall spring are enjoying most favored nation status.

Hugs or kisses? both goddamn it.

Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry

When was the last time you cried? I do not cry, I snot. Not recently What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and sharkbutt, he lurks there. I keep telling him we're gay friendly here and he can come out of the closet.

Who is the friend you have had the longest? Who is the friend you have known the shortest? I don't effing know, this friendship stuff is not my first time around an incarnation with any of you.
Favorite smells? SM, cinnamon

Who inspires you? In no particular order, my mom, SM, LC, my friends, dalai lama, IJJ, Sugano Sensei

What are you afraid of? losing a loved one, losing my mind (which is, I suppose losing a loved one)

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? spicy

Favorite car I like? Black Mazda 3 Speed hatchback

Favorite cat breed? muttleys

Number of keys on your key ring? 3 rings, 2 keys, a leatherman on one, 12 keys on the other, 3 keys on the other

How many years at your current job? 24 on September 17 but really who's counting

Favorite day of the week? Saturday

How many states have you lived in? 2 - NJ and PA

Do you think you're funny? yes, when I'm not fearing for my remaining 3 sane brain cells, yes.

Where to go when you need TMI

2008-05-17T08:01:00.003-04:00

The NY tabloids of course,

TMI

Now, if you want to give it a miss, I understand but don't want you to miss the high points, it is a gold lame leopard print thong with flames along the waistband belonging to Jason Giambi to which the article refers. Players wear it to break a hitting slump. It is washed in between wearings. And I'm guessing unless Giambi starts hitting real soon, he's going to be the only one wearing it for a time.

Knowing that my own mothership had several ironclad rules, I can only imagine how appalled the mothership of J. Giambi is to read on the front page of the NYDailyNews about her son sharing his panties.

Love this

2008-05-16T21:13:00.000-04:00

and if I knew to whom to attribute it, I would, in a hot minute.

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me...It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied..."The one I feed."