Fluency

While I am quite fluent in English, having spoken it all my life, I consider my native tongue to be Douchebag. Douchebag is a lot like English yet far more profane. Even when the preface douchebag is unuttered it is implied and at work it seldom remains unuttered these days.

My career in profanity began at the ripe old age at 5, when at the supper table, I asked my grandfather to pass the motherfucking ketchup. Not realizing at the time that it was the granddaddy of all profanity, of course. The mothership and fathership carefully explained to me that this was not acceptable language for a young lady to use. I've seldom gone a day without using some variation on it since.