Books On CD

Most days my commute consists of a 100 mile round trip and I decided to use my time slightly more wisely by listening to books on cd. So today, I'm listening to Pema Chodron "From Fear to Fearlessness". She speaks of maitri - loving kindness meditation and compassion and how we are connected to all beings. I've been doing a variation on the compassion meditation for years (having taken vows and such it's all part of the deal). I've heard several people speak on the subject, read about, listened to various other Buddhist teachers on the subject and gone to Buddha camp. and each time I've caught the part about being compassionate with oneself but it never really quite sunk in until today.

A little backstory, I'm a sober alcoholic. It's been 22 years, 4 month and 6 days, but who is counting? I'd spent much of the last 6 weeks getting over a couple of cold and the cough that wouldn't leave. And for coughing, I can take cough drops or I can take a cough preparation with codeine (no dextromethorpan because it can interact way badly with something I take for my knees). Now, the advantage to codeine is that I sleep like a rock, this disadvantage - now that I've stopped coughing it is time to stop the codeine which I did Sunday night. And I've not slept more than 2 consecutive hours in the interim. So I'm frustrated with myself and irritable that I am having trouble sleeping again. Very frustrated, very irritable. So here is where the being compassionate with myself comes in, let go of my expectation that I'm either going to or not going to sleep. Breathe and if sleep doesn't come - chant to myself 'may I know happiness and the root of happiness.' And just be with that.