My Buddy Ack

My buddy Ack is 7, he has a very organic kind of wisdom. I was hanging out with he and his 2 older sisters who are fairly literal minded down to earth gals when he says, I'm going to read a story with my eyes closed. His sisters told him no, you can't do that. His reply "watch and learn." and he proceeded to tell a story with his eyes closed, it was a good one, Ack's stories are always imaginative and funny and he's quite a character. And I will carry his reply with me for the next time someone tells me I can't do something, or when I start to tell me I can't do something.

Watch and learn!

Overheard at Work

Spokesmodel - Did you see that Dollar Tree across the bridge has Victoria Pannie?
Evil - What are you talkin' about?
Me - Who the hell is Victoria Pannie?
S - You know, pannies from Victoria?
E - Your ass ain't flat what are you going to do with panties from Victoria's Secret?

The Oscars

I don't normally watch the Oscars but I'm up and Sharkbutt is appearing to be no longer nauseous and sitting on my lap. There is something sweet about the way he rubs his head around my hands getting all the pets he can.

Damn Cat

I was out and about today, did my customary Sunday morning massages and then moseyed on up to visit with my friend S. When I returned home the Stripe and the Shark presented themselves for pets and a visit, and I happened to notice the Shark had been scratched on his nose. Clever girl that I am, I went looking for some neosporin for his scratch. Found the Neosporin, put it on his nose and he proceeded to lick it off, we knew this would happen but then he hurled, on my shirt. Y to the u to the c to the k. YUCK! With a capital yuh. Damn cat.

Cats

I periodically sit and observe my cats. I notice that the Shark likes to growl at his toys, Puppy likes to growl at Shark and Stripe. And if Stripe's growling he probably has to go to the vet, because more likely than not, he can't pee.

Work...

I don't just overhear stupid shit at work sometimes it's uttered directly to my face. My second career is as a massage therapist so for that and other reasons my forearms are somewhat sizeable. So one of my work friends, blew into my office for a visit and said "Popeye called, he wants his forearms back." When I was in massage school someone asked me if I could squeeze open his can of spinach. I said no, but I can squeeze your neck until your eyes leave your skull. So, what in hell was the point of all this? Oh, I have mellowed a great deal in my 40's, this is not a bad thing. And work is stupid some days.

Dipshits on the Phone

Some genius called up this week and yelled at me extensively because he shredded his check. I finally said stop yelling at me like I'm the dumbass that put my check through the shredder.

I typically pick up the phone and snarl payroll and genius 1 says is this the credit union? No. says I.

Genius 2 says, may I speak to Ginger? I said no, does this sound like a titty bar to you?

Somethings Just Escape Me

Saw the mothership today, and the sister (and the fathership but he's not germane to this part of the story) I met them in the parking lot near where my sister lives and both of them are wearing flip flops. It's 11 degrees outside, their feet were looking extra blue. So we go to leave my sisters house and they're still wearing flip flops because they had pedicures and don't want to mess their toes up. I'm thinking frostbite and gangrene is apt to fuck your toes up more than putting a sock on fresh polish. But what do I know?

Youth, Skill, Old Age, Treachery and Knees

As I have no doubt prattled on about previously in this blog, I study the martial art Aikido, I had to take a break from it because I managed to get tendonitis in my patellar tendons. This is problematic in Aikido for 2 reasons, first of all getting ones ass up off the mat after one has been tossed to the mat requires quadricep strength and knee extension. Second of all, Aikido features suwari waza, or technique done from kneeling. Yep, even on my knees I'm dangerous. So I'd not return to Aikido even as my knees started to get better and I miss it. So I called and spoke to one of the sempai down there (sempai are senior students) and said that I'm going to have to give up suwari waza and was delighted to learn that this would not be a problem.

So I've got my gi in the laundry and my hakama folded and ready to roll. My weapons are bagged and ready to travel. Yeeha.

Overheard at Work

One of the women with whom I work, T, a/k/a the spokesmodel, dates a farmer in North Carolina, she travels to visit him fairly regularly and has become well acquainted with the farm and the farm animals. Anyway she was repeating a phone call she'd received the previous evening which she was recounting to another co-worker IL.

T - You know Jimmy's goat.
IL - The one you like?
T - Yeah.
IL - I know about it.
T - did I tell you it has pinkeye? and he's afraid it will infect the rest of the herd. I'm going to visit them, do you think I can get pink eye from the goat.
IL - I don't know.

You will notice that the question is not asked by IL - what in hell are you doing with the goat that you'd catch pink eye from it?

Concerning catching pink eye from the goat, apparently one can catch chlamydia from goat pink eye. (and how in hell would you manage that?) And you can catch mycoplasma pink eye - these would be small parasites that apparently feed on eye gook. Nasty!

Needless to say, if Terry comes back from NC with pink eye, she need not come to work until it's gone.