Funfilled Thanksgiving

Ventured to the house of bro and sis in law for the family Thanksgiving gathering. Had not been in attendance for several years but was glad to make it down there this year. Nurtured my inner redneck with a trek to Bass Pro Shops and Gander Mountain. Freakin' awesome. Yes, I am that rarest of rare birds - buddhist redneck. Hey someone's got to do it. We had fine food and company and it was a fine, fine time. I have much to be thankful for!

Ryotetori Kokyuho

We went through this technique in great detail today. I need to remember to move the feet so I get the arm extension right. And to move the feet so I get the hips moving. Hips need to be moving to move people. So it was interesting.

Then when it came time to take ukemi, had to remember to exhale when I hit the deck and bend into the fall.

We had ourselves...

a li'l old nor'easter in these parts recently. Made for some lively surf.

Icepacks

The Shark often complains about my affinity for ice packs. It's not that I necessarily have an affinity for them, it's that I have a phobia about inflammation in my soft tissue. Soft tissue being anything that's not bone which is hard tissue in the parlance of my people. I used to fight the inflammation with oral nsaids and herbal antiinflammatories and then my gut got ugly about it so that's not happening anymore. So I'm all over the ice packs.

Good times, good times.

The Universe is a funny old gal

Yesterday, my sister had an extra ticket to see Bruce of Springsteen. Perhaps you are familiar with the name. Like Springsteen, I grew up in Freehold NJ (sharkbutt will argue that I'm grown out not grown up, but whatever!) It's probably been about 10 years or so since I've seen he and the E Street Band in concert and probably been about 20 since I've seen them in concert in NJ. There is a religious fervor to the madness surrounding it and I ain't even gonna lie. I was swept up in it. And yeah, I know every word to every song. This got me home at about 1 this morning and the alarm at 6 was ugly and early. If ya know what I mean. But I had to fetch the mothership for our annual trek to the Race for the Cure. And there is a religious fervor to the race for the cure. The energy is extraordinary. And not just from the 15 kids I high fived on my way through.

Great weekend, very powerful stuff.

Sigh

This evenings adventure was shihonage. Or as I like to call it goddamn shihonage. For me it is one of the most frightening projection throws because if you don't keep your partners hand in the proper place you can really trash their shoulder.

This is what it looks like:

Yokomenuchi Shihonage

Meditation

Sharkbutt is helping me type this because my eyeballs are dilated. It is expected to take a while because we fight about the spelling. Sharkbutt being a way more creative speller than I. (note from sharkb - her mooey, that why her no spell fun)

There's all kinds of writing on the subject of meditation, not many of them discuss it in bare bones terms. I will, somedays the good feeling wash over you (sharkb - making you so full of the milk of human kindness that you moo) somedays it's like grinding glass between your teeth. Most days it just is what it is, sitting on your ass observing your thoughts. (shark - if you foodchik it your thought). The point is to sit quietly, quiet your mind and recognize your thoughts are just that thoughts.

(sharkb - try that, donut call it nuffin, sit and fink or donut fink)

24

I am marking 24 years of sobriety, the last time I had a drink was 9-23-85. In those twenty four years I have learned a thing or two about a thing or two and I will share 24 of them in case they might help someone else. These are not original at least not all of them, but to me they've been true.

1 - The universe gives you what you need to learn, which ain't necessarily what you want or deserve.

2 - The universe will repeat these things you need to learn until learn them.

3 - Once you get past fear as a motivator, you can allow yourself to be kind. Instinctively, naturally kind.

4 - Fearful people can be assholes, but mainly they're just scared.

5 - Assholes don't always have enough sense to be afraid.

6 - The need for resolution is an addiction.

7 - The need for understanding, yep, also an addiction.

8 - Somedays one day at a time is too damn far ahead to plan, somedays I managed it 5 minutes at a time.

9 - Farts smell because they're passing through shit on their way out. Hey, I didn't say it was all gonna be worthwhile things to know.

10 - Anger might not be healthy, but it was the only thing that got my ass out of bed for a lot of years.

11 - Sarongs, sports bras and tattoos is a scary, scary look for me.

12 - Turn into the source of the pain. Turning away, you take your eyes off it and start to fear 'it' which is more frightening than facing it and staring it down.

13 - Cat hurl remediation - step 1 - pick it up, step 2 - soak up the remaining liquid with paper towels - step 3 - sprinkle baking soda on the spot - step 4 - scrub with a brush and let sit - step 5 - vacuum it up.

14 - Bracing your abdomen during exertion will protect your low back. This is not sucking in your stomach, brace like you're going to be punched.

15 - Meditate to quiet your mind.

16 - And meditate to quiet the voices in your head. You know, the negative ones. The ones you hear when the fear takes over, or the self loathing takes over.

17 - Self loathing is self absorbed, knock it the fuck off.

18 - Don't pass up an opportunity to have an inside joke with yourself.

19 - Examine and test your instincts well enough to trust them.

20 - Don't give your cats canned people tuna - it's really not good for them.

21 - Keeping your toilet seats up gives your cats the opportunity to fall in the toilet, and put cats toys in your toilet. It also messes up the feng shui in your house.

22 - Being on either end of a headbutt hurts like a bitch.

23 - Heartbreak sucks but if you handle it right, it creates more room in your heart.

24 - If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you ever going to love anyone else?


Some practical (more than not) some useless.

Mammography

Someone (not me) will write a song about it. If you're familiar with the process, I'm telling you nothing you don't already know. If not, gather around children, it's a compelling story, which I tell elegantly. Ok, first of all, you're about 1/4 to 1/2 naked. Second of all, like some thrill ride at the carnival you're asked to step right up, where your naked trembling breast is placed on the platform, and it sticks to the platform so moving it at all requires lifting the entire thing and rearranging it. This is not the treat one might hope for. Let alone arranging it so that the freakin' nipple that's curling into itself in fear and trepidation can be spread out for the squeezing. Yeah, if your nipples hide, you do it again. And again and a goddamn gain, but I'm not bitter.

Whether we've met or not, you likely do not know this about me since I wear a bulletproof sportsbra except whilst in the shower but I do sport a bit of a rack. And as I am at an age where I need annual mammograms and no, they're not as perky as they used to be but thanks for your interest. Alas, how easily I digress. My point being that perky d-cups turn into pancakes in the chamber of horror, I mean mammography. And just as lefty has been freed with a looks good, you realize - we're going back in tooooooooooooooo squish the armpit. So the technician and I have now established a rapport, which is good because my boobs don't get handled this much on a first date. And I ask so, how bad is this going to screw up my already screwed up rotator cuff. It would seem not too bad. But again, I digress. As this proceeds, I get more and more outrageous. She's got me draped around, across and upside this machine, tells me to hold my breath and relax. I laugh wholeheartedly and say, um you gotta pick one. I can hold my breath or relax not both. Since my dignity is long since gone, as she proceeds to arrange righty for the squish, I say you've handled my breasts so much I feel I should at least buy you a drink. In case you ever were curious, it is entirely possible for an African-American woman to turn bright red.

There are many many things I like about the joint where I go to get my mammogram. They have robes in my size - V for vast. And they're robes, not damn gowns that my ass hangs out all out of and around. The feng shui in the place is calming and soothing. And most importantly, you know your results before you walk out of the door.

Happily, the girls are fine, the scarred up lymph nodes are still scarred up. (Did I mention I used to fight - a lot?) But everything is as it should be.

This isn't meant to scare anyone. Just do it, if not for you, for your kids, your friends, your family or the girls. You want to enjoy them, don't you?

4 Noble Truths

Buddhist folks believe 4 things that are referred to as the four noble truths. I'll paraphrase because I'm not up for fancy language today.

1) In life there is suffering. (the Buddha doesn't say this but I will - duh)

2)The reason we suffer is because we are attached to things (places, people, pleasures, ego - crap like that).

3) We can make the suffering stop by relinquishing our attachments to things ( places, people, pleasures, ego - you get the idea)

4)The 8 fold path will lead you to the end of suffering. Which I will discuss at another time.


My prevailing reality this evening is that I took a fairly highflying aikido class this evening. I have planted my ass and the rest of me on a collection of 7 ice packs. I am gravity's bitch, and momentum is my friend. Also, fat (mine) does fly.

So I am at least for tonight a very simple soul - explained here above.

Sharkbutt would simply say that I'm a cow and I moo. I say maybe I'm imitating a lighthouse because I'm not moving quick enough to be a cow.

9-11-09

I can and will collect my thoughts and add to the commentary. But what you really need to understand is this, from where I live, we could smell the fire, the army base I live adjacent to was frantically preparing for survivors that never came. Some of my friends died there, some kids I taught aikido to lost parents there. This hit us here in this part of the world hard. And we must not ever forget.

Sharkbutt will explain over on his blog

But my attention isn't always where it should be, especially before I've had coffee. And the cats have vitamins, and I have vitamins and never the twain should ever meet. Well, it did again this morning. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Their vitamins taste like liver, I was expecting citrus. As Caroline Myss is inclined to say - wanna make God laugh? tell him your plans.

9/9/09

Got nothing of consequence to say, yeah, yeah, when do I ever? Shut up. Thought the symmetry of the date today was nice. The weather is very fall like and I go for torture in a little while. Ok, technically it's a chiropractic treatment and not the rack but theres a lot of similarities.

Ahhh Lifestyle

I was in Barnes and Noble looking for a copy of Better Slums and Hovels for a recipe. Oh shut up. I went looking for this in the lifestyle section, thinking that I'd find BS and H in there with Martha and Oprah. But no, I found these magazines pictured below and both the cowboy and weed mags did feature recipes. Who knew?

Breathing

In aikido as in other aspects of life, breathing is important. You want to be exhaling as you hit the floor to absorb some of the impact and inhale to push yourself back to standing. You would also want to exhale on the throw to gather the breath power/ki and put it into the throw.

In making my way through changes in my life both in the recent past and long time past, I've paid a lot of attention to my breath. Sometimes all I seemed to have the emotional strength to do was breathe. And sometimes that's all I did need to have the emotional strength to do. Breathe and be, be awareness being aware. Sounds all esoteric and bullshitty doesn't it? It's not. It's how I got sober, it's how I stayed sober, it's how I got strong, and it's how I've stayed strong.

Breathe, and be. Then do it again. And because my meditation technique is largely informed by Tibetan Buddhism it's ok while you're doing this to breathe and be and pet the cat, or scratch whatever you need to scratch.

AikidoT

This one is kind of scary The instructor is Skip Chapman Sensei, Jersey Shore Aikikai.

Randori This instructor is Peter Bernath Sensei, Florida Aikikai.

This is the kind of randori referred to in the title of this blog. Bernath Sensei's is amazing.

More With The Ice

SO, blah, blah, blah - the deal is I go to aikido, I fall. A lot. During I get thrown or pinned on the floor, sometimes I ask my sempai to throw me hard to practice I did all of that tonight. I need 11 ice packs to cover all the germane girl parts that need to be iced. My cats think I'm turning the joint into a penguin refuge. They also do not think I provide enough fish for it to be a good penguin refuge. And they object to the cold.

Somedays I want

To exercise my keen command of gutter invective, and scream: "douche eared motherfuckers" whilst driving. It doesn't necessarily need to make sense especially if you snarl it with the proper intonation of disdain and menace. "Snot sucking fuckwad" is another favorite and I, of course, overuse the rhetorical "what's your fucking problem, did you douche with mace or stupid?"

After more years of therapy than I can recall, I can still find anger every damn day. Every damn day, for more than 30 years. I suppose I was expecting to be done being angry at some point. And I know at certain points I was afraid to stop being angry. But this is not that. I get tired of anger being my instinctive reaction so often still.

I can keep it in check when the parties at whom I might direct it, whether justifiably or not are important enough to me to work at managing it. But I am surprised that I still struggle with it every day. Still.

Quality Family Time

I was sitting around with the parental units, the sisters, the nieces and the brother in law, and happened to make an offhand comment that I'd misplaced my good thong. The mothership remarked, "Jeez, that must be the size of a hula hoop." My response was, "true, but if I wear white grannies they make my ass look like a drive in movie screen."

The payoff was that we made the assembled parties shoot their respective beverages out their noses. I love it when the random hilarity leads to nosers.

What I Don't Quite Get

amid all of the hoopla about health care reform and so forth, there's been an ongoing debate even since before Roe vs. Wade decision and folks who identify as conservative don't think women should be having abortions, finding the right to life to be a moral imperative. But many of these same paid talking heads see no moral imperative to insuring people's health? And are spreading ruckus and mess about the rationing of health care? Hello, if you have money and/or insurance, you get health care. If you don't have money and/or insurance, you don't. There's your rationing.

Now 'splain real slow for me, how that's moral, or justifiable.

Ru'roh

Sharkbutt is going to be 5 next weekend and I promised him that he would be the baby cat until he was 5. He may or may not be concerned about this status but a recent reread of the homeowners ass bylaws indicates that I'm only supposed to have 2 cats. So one of these is my sister's who is boarding it with me whilst she travels.

ICE

I spend a lot of quality time with ice packs on my person lately, at an attempt to keep inflammation away. With the aikido training comes the increased inflammation and there's only so much NSAID's that my guts will contend with so I'm all about the ice. Also, dropping turmeric capsules a couple of times a day, makes for interesting breath which is much less of a concern lately.

Todays Aikido Adventure

Featured ai hanmi katatetori - which as luck would have it is standing in the same stance to your uke (loosely opponent, literally recipient but this is the party that initiates the attack and has the aikido done to them). Most basically you stand with your left foot forward and uke does the same or vice versa. Then they grab your wrist. Then you do something about it, in most techniques tonight we were breaking the severity of the grip by moving the ukes arm to a weaker spot usually away from their centerline, often in toward their face, ultimately landing them on their face or anterior side anyway. The beauty of this particular attack is that it's slower moving than being punched but the defenses are very similar and each technique you can do from either attack. Versatility is important. Because you'll see on yesterday's posting listing what all has got to be accomplished during the test there's no ai hanmi katatetori, but there is tsuki (punch).

So there ya go, or more accurately there I go, babbling happily about Aikido.

Soon I'll scrounge up some You Tube clips to link to, it'll make more sense.

It's Time

After a chat with my aikido mentor and friend known as the Passion King, I've started preparing to test for the rank of 1st kyu in Aikido. I've trained in Aikido for the last 15 years the first 7 were pretty intense the last 8 less intensely. Although the last 9 months have amped it up. Which is good for my mental health, very good for my mental health. But to test I have to kick it up a notch or two. So this is what I'm expected to do. At the earlier levels, the techniques are called out and you do them. At this level the attack is called and you're expected to respond, it's an intense kind of fun. And my updates will be mainly focused on how that's going.


1st Kyu (300 days)
Katatori menuchi - 5 techniques
Yokomenuchi - 5 techniques
Morotetori - 5 techniques
Shomenuchi - 5 techniques
Ryotetori - 5 techniques
Koshinage - 5 techniques
Hanmi handachi Ushiro Waza - 5 techniques
Tantotori
Freestyle: 3 attackers

Fresh French Fried Hell

I don't work with the all of the sharpest crayons in the box,and we seem to get into some semantic trouble with the dread business casual. Folks seem to think that as long as their business is covered, they're work appropriate. Um, no, this is not the case, and seriously one had such a short skirt on earlier in the week that she was going to be advised to wear a hairnet.

I've made a sign to go next to my NO WHINING sign, it says, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN WEAR IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD.

I really don't know what my next step should be but smart money says it will make my boss pee himself.

Randori

Just because I like to repeat it every once in a while. Randori means to embrace chaos. Lately I think I'm also embodying chaos.

6 Things that Make me Happy

Sharkbutt told me to do this so I'm doing it. Please consider yourself tagged.

1) Coffee - does this really require explanation?

2) Baseball - love me some baseball

3) Friends - new ones, old ones, consigliere ones ain't much worth doing without friends.

4) Water - yes, I know fish fuck in it, I'm still grateful for it.

5) Music - because now that the voices in my head have shut the fuck up, I've got a soundtrack.

6) The Sassy one - knows who she is, her and her loyal posse of boy and cats are quite the finest gift from the universe.

so

I'm watching a baseball game and some lunatic on the Twins is making out with his baseball bat, after having strenuously conversed with same. Yeah ok.

Tibetan Medicine and Assorted Frolic

I partook of some quality monk time up in Ithaca New York recently. The monks are at Namgyal Monastery, which is the North American Seat of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I'm a fan of him and his monks. I first encountered these monks at a Sand Mandala Construction they performed at a local college. Sand Mandalas

They radiate serenity even while performing this sacred construction that would quite frankly send me straight over the edge. Dropping grains of sand with this kind of precision, make this remarkable and beautiful mandala and then, the sand gets deposited with great ceremony into a body of water. To remind us of impermanence... I'm reminded of impermanence on those rare occasions I thoroughly clean my house and then mess it back up again.

The monastery was sponsoring Dr. Jampa Yonten who was speaking on Tibetan Medicine. It's described as a unique blend of Traditional Chinese Medicine, Ayurvedic, and shamanism. The components of health and energy they are most concerned with are wind, bile and phlegm. We did meditation, some Tibetan yoga, chanting (I really like chanting), circumnambulation (walking around a sacred structure chanting) and some discussion. It was interesting and I'm glad I did it.

Let's All Panic

CC Sabathia got hit, a lot in his very first start for the Yankees. Let's forget that there are 162 games in the baseball season and that they will not lose all of them. And indeed, while the Yankees did not win the next game, they did win the one after that. Sheesh.

I am mystified

by what could it possibly be about my bearing and demeanor that would suggest for the vaguest fraction of an instant that I have any interest in hearing how a veritable stranger burnt her genitalia. Truth be told I would have lived the rest of my life happily assuming that they removed her whup when they removed any suggestion of personality.

I don't consider myself a friendly soul, several of my closest friends have told me when they first met me that they considered me scary and yeah, that's what I'm going for because if you're afraid of me you're refraining from telling me just how you crisped up your va-jay-jay.

Plainspeaking

Let us be clear, despite having converted to Buddhism some years ago, I was raised Catholic, by people who remain staunchly Catholic. I remain staunchly plainspoken and a big fan of logic. Pope Benedict XVI is a moron. A fool without flaw, dumber than a sack of hammers. His ill-informed remarks on condoms and that they do not work to prevent HIV infection are idiotic, moronic and just plain cruel. Ya know, adding to the sum total of suffering in the world as more people contract this disease. But what do we expect from a man who in one of his previous jobs in the Church (the world's original bureaucracy, and original organized crime organization but that dear reader is a subject for a whole other rant) denied the extent of the pedophilia problem within the Catholic Church.

This kind of logic is why the Catholic Church will be a dead institution in coming generations, foolish pronouncements like this are going to cause people to die needlessly:While the Roman Catholic Church's historic stance against contraception was known, it was the first time that a pope had spoken out publicly against the use of condoms to prevent HIV infection for more than 30 years, the IAS said.
Pope Benedict XVI sparked global condemnation with his comments as he began his first visit to Africa as pontiff on Tuesday
Benedict said on the plane taking him to Cameroon that AIDS "cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems."
The IAS insisted that condoms are a critical, cheap and proven element in HIV prevention.
"Instead of spreading ignorance, the Pope should use his global position of leadership to encourage young people, who are our future, to protect themselves and others from HIV infection using all the tools we have at our disposal, including condoms," said IAS president Julio Montaner.
"His remarks are insulting to the tireless efforts of committed scientific, public health and human rights leaders around the world to protect the poorest of the poor from HIV infection." this lucid commentary is Copyright © 2009 AFP. All rights reserved. The ravings mine.

Occasionally

I am mistaken for one of my African American coworkers, we are mainly close in size (width) not so much height, and age. Complexion not so much.

I tend to find it endlessly entertaining.

Oddly

I was accused of calling a coworker a strumpet today. Now, I will confess to using strumpet occasionally and appropriately but not regarding coworkers, $2 dollar shanty Irish whore, oh hell yes, strumpet? no.

Ok

so I'm no longer quite so bitter about the Verizon and the support or lack there of fiasco, but I'm bitter enough, but since they didn't try to bill me for the 'premium' support I'd say they're running lucky. Because I'd have developed an entire product line of profanity for such an occasion. Transcending my personal fave rat bastard maggot fuckers.

Back

well fuck, fuckin' Verizon, despite their lack of assistance, I'm back on line. apparently you have got to pay to speak to someone who actually speaks English, despite having been transferred from the folks who sorta speak English to the premium technical support the tech could not speak to me until I spoke to a salesperson.

Left to figure out on my own it took a while. I'm hoping there are other alternatives but recalling the verbal abuse I've heaped upon the technical support at the other avenues available to me, I fear I may have to rig some kind of tin can, string arrangement.

Fuckers.

The Tradition Was...

to dance with them that brung ya. But in the case of President Elect Obama, it's more of a fuck them that brung ya. Rick Warren? Really? Several weeks ago when I learned of the invitation of Warren to deliver the inaugural invocation, I'm pondered that for a while reading transcripts of comments Pastor Warren gave equating Gay Marriage to pedophilia. Note to Pastor Warren: pedophiles are historically much more likely to be in your line of work. Feeling disrespected and pissed off, I wrote to the Obama folk and having received the standard dash off, thanks for your comments automated email response, I removed myself from their mailing list as well as the mailing lists of Move-On.org and the HRC. Perhaps not the ideal solution but I'm past the point of enabling people to treat me with disrespect. And taking my money out of the political marketplace was my main way to do it. I don't need to pay to get fucked.

I continue to fantasize about my own political party, one that promotes the position that freedom from religion is as important as freedom of religion, also one that actively questions why marriage is considered a civil business at all when it's historical origins include being considered a sacrament by the Catholic Church and thus why aren't all 'marriages' simply civil unions within the law. Why is one being issued a licensed for what clearly originated as a religious instituion, oh yeah and historically a way for men to own women? I know for a fact back in my Catholic days I didn't not require a license to be baptized, first communioned or confirmed, and nobody had better obtain one to get me extreme unctioned or else we gonna brawl.

Yeah

Happy Freakin' New Year.

Blah, blah, blah.