30 November 2007

Wardrobe Relativism

In a recent conversation with my friend S, we happened upon the topic of business casual. In her world, which is necessarily more formal than my world, business casual is casual clothing appropriate for business. In my world, business casual simply means your business is covered up, and when people come to work with their business showing we send people home.

29 November 2007

Hi My Name is Sharkb and...

I am apparently addicted to memes.

1. What is your occupation? Evil Minion, Financial Services. Often enabler of abject incompetence

> 2. What color are your socks right now? white socklets

> 3 . What are you listening to right now? S 'splaining something to IL while keeping a straight face. I'd not be able to do it.

> 4. What was the last thing you ate? veggie sausage and cheese on english muffin (yes, it cooks, too)

> 5. Can you drive a stick shift? probably, haven't done it in years though.

> 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? deep dark blue

> 7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My sister M.

> 8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Of course.

> 9. Favorite drink? Water, despite the rumor that fish both fuck and shit in it.

> 10. Favorite sport to watch? Rodeo, football.

> 11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Have you ever seen me with my 80% grey hair showing, no, I don't think so. So yes, of course I do.

> 12. Pets? cats X3 Sharkbutt, Stripe J and Puppy D. (yes, the D stands for dog.)

> 13. Favorite food? Tortilla soup, cheese enchiladas, meatballs, Tomorrow who knows? not liver.

> 14. What was the last movie you watched: One of the Harry Potters I think.

> 15. What do you do to vent anger? Lift very heavy weights. Wale on an 80lb punching bag, speak very quietly, deliberately and menacingly.

> 16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Kelly the cat.

> 17. What is your favorite, spring summer winter or fall? fall

> 18. Hugs or kisses? Kisses first but I like Both

> 19. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries

20. Educational background? I spent 17 years in Catholic schools. It has put a warp in my topspin, 'nuff said.


> 21. Living arrangements? Me and the 3 cats. A plethora of imaginary friends.

> 22. When was the last time you cried? Sharkb does not cry, she snots.

> 23. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, meditation cushion, likely a cat or 2.


> 24. Favorite smells? Cookies baking or garlic simmering, muffin

> 25. What inspires you? more often then I like rage.

> 26. What are you afraid of? being mindless, my temper, losing my mindlet it's too young to be out on its own.

> 27. Number of keys on your key ring? 2 on one, 11 on the other.

> 28. How many years at your current job? 23 years, 2 months 6 days but who's counting?

> 29. Favorite day of the week? Any day I get to see the sassy one

> 30. How many states have you lived in? 2 not including confusion and inebriation.

> 31. Favorite Holiday? Thanksgiving and Halloween.

> 32. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? No, but I've tossed full grown human beings 20 feet.

27 November 2007

Cuz We Have Not Had a Meme In a While...

Fictional character you'd most like to have dinner with?
Roz, the tender oozing blossom from Monsters Inc. I often like to channel her as a manager.

Historical figures you'd most like to have dinner with?
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Whoopi Goldberg, Venerable Tenzin Gephel,

When did you realize you were an adult?
Who you calling an adult, wench? Much earlier on than I actually, physically was an adult, but I internalized that I was somewhere around 40.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Grown up, shapely of buttocks, striped. I want to massage babies, massaging adults is fine, but can be tough on the thumbs

This was short and sweet, I'm tagging Sassafras Mama, Shazza and Sharkbutt

24 November 2007

And Yes, As a Matter of Fact

It still does smell like excessive smudging has gone on here. A combination of burnt, rope and scorched pine. Really bring sone into the autumnal campfire spirit in some exceedingly deranged way.

20 November 2007

Adventures in Smudging

Periodically, I fire up the smudging stick and send a little burnt sage and burnt cedar into the universe that is my house. To clear the energy and attract positive energy into the place, and that's a happy thing. Yesterday the sage burnt a little long, ok a lot long, if it burns long enough to trip the smoke alarm it's too long. So my house and I still smell as if we've had a rough week at the hashish parlor.

19 November 2007

Thanksgiving

Gratitude is quite underrated and since Thanksgiving is upcoming, it's good for me to reflect upon that for which I am grateful.

My health and the health of my family and friends.
Work that is way more entertaining than is imaginable.
Cats that are way more entertaining than is imaginable.

More later.

16 November 2007

HMMM

The randori portion of this blog means to embrace chaos, and in the main I believe I do. But this was one of those days where the chaos that is work walked up to me and bitchslapped me right across the chops. I spent much of the morning and early after noon looking for 856.81 in 5.9 billion dollars, and compulsive wench that I am I found it. All the while answering the same goddamned dumb questions I answered yesterday. And yes, for the same person.

13 November 2007

Oh What Fun!

My dentist has a new hygienist, I learned this from my sister who has had a visit with said hygienist and swore, "if she tells me to open big one more time, I'm gonna crack her." So I'm so not excited at the prospect of breaking in a new hygienist, I'd been working with J the former, and we'd reached rapproachment on several subjects such as the liberal use of topical anesthetic, digging whilst cleaning the teeth is fine but once you've poked me in my liver, appendix or frontal lobe it's time to back the fuck off, and I mean now. To say that I was not confident that that information had been adequately noted and explained in my chart is perhaps, an understatement.

So A comes out and introduces herself to me and apologizes for the tardiness. I said we need to reach an understanding here, you know you're not going to hurt me or we will have issues. Big, big issues. So she probed gently at first and then less so, until I pointed out that you've got my appendix on the end of your spear there, Toots and need to back off. She finished someone gingerly though not so much so that I failed to feel her probing upside my frontal lobe. But all in all I'd say it was reasonably successful.

11 November 2007

Intact

I have this side gig as a massage therapist and my main requirements of myself are that I'm not possessing an infectious disease (crazy is genetic not infectious) and the skin of my hands and forearms be intact. Well, we've met the former of the criteria today but not the latter. As I fished in drawer for a potholder last night, I scraped the middle finger of my right hand upside a pretty damn sharp knife. Not pretty. And the Nuskin is not keeping it together well enough that we can call it intact, but I am rather high on the fumes so I suppose it's all good.

09 November 2007

Inane Cubed

You may or may not know that I help my kitten Sharkbutt write a blog. It's called Advice From a Shark - http://www.sharkbutt.blogspot.com. And as inane as my ramblings here in my own blog are, they become cubed, possibly even quadrupled when I help Sharkbutt with his advice giving, observations on life its ownself etc. Today's entry paraphrased a question that I've been asked by coworkers more than once in the 20 exceedingly odd years I've been at my job. The question, not one of those life changing existential ones, not at all. But the age old 'why do farts stink?'

08 November 2007

So

Work is a rare delight of fucking moron. The powers that be spent several million bucks on a client contact management system, and nothing on training people to use it. So for my dirty dozen, I'm the trainer. It's rather scary that I'm turned lose on this training business, because my ability to describe what one should be doing in short sentences is pretty damn good, but my ability to do it without using some quite profane language is a whole 'nother story.

07 November 2007

Siiiiiigh!

My hair was about 80% grey at my visit to G the magician. G the magician is a hair stylist and a color genius, which is why I persist in the beauty marathon every 6 weeks. G will ask, what are we doing? I will respond, let's shave it and see how it looks when the grey grows out. G will respond, let's not and just say we did. Me: A'ight, the usual then, unless we can get by with just doing roots. We can seldom get by with just doing roots. So 4 hours later, I've had color, (lather, rinse repeat, condition, rinse repeat) foils (lather rinse repeat again, condition, rinse repeat again) then cut. My hair tends to grow out rather than long so there's a lot of chopping to thin it out that occurs. Then G will carefully blow it out and style it to the point of distraction.

My own styling of my coif consists of the following, wash, rinse, condition, rinse and on Tuesdays I comb it. High maintenance, I ain't.

06 November 2007

Election Day

There is a movement afoot called GRIP - get rid of incumbent politicians. And while I can certainly relate to the sentiment, there are some quite decent incumbents. Whatever you're feeling about any of them, just make sure to vote.

05 November 2007

Who Knew?

You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors.
You have a deep, complex personality - and you are always expressing something about yourself.
Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense... and sometimes overwhelming.
Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships.

Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.

Tag, I'm It!

My friend Shazza at http://randomthoughtsandactsofstupidty.blogspot.com/ has tagged me with a meme, 10 random things about myself. Good gravy, I'm so random it alarms even me.

1. Right handed but left footed.
2. I have 6 tattoos.
3. One way in which I keep myself entertained is to make up my own lyrics to popular songs and even for obscure songs. And I do a rendition of a lullaby that is both educational and stimulating... the lyric is Whaddya gonna get if you eat raw pork? Trichinosis (which when pronounced tricky noses with a gentle grab to the baby's nose generally gets a laugh from said baby)
4. I've worn bifocals since I was 19. (ok, yeah when I can find them)
5. It's currently 41 degrees outside and I've still got windows open and the heat off.
6. Spent 17 years in Catholic schools, 'splains a lot, doesn't it?
7. One of the most worthwhile things I've done in my life was spend a week at Buddha camp, another one was to teach my nieces how to play talking clothes rack. "Put the yellow back, it brings out the red in your eyes."
8. Yes, I so do feel the energy at vortexes.
9. I love flamingos. Love 'em. Live, plastic, it doesn't matter, I just love 'em.
10. Doing yoga gives me gas, but I still do it.

I tag the actual SassafrasMama and the actual Sharkbutt.

04 November 2007

F&^$ing Cats

By way of disclaimer, I love my cats, unconditionally. All that being said, when I discovered the dumped over litter box this morning I was ready to shred the little farts. Occasionally, a turd will get kicked out onto the carpet but this was a fully upended box of stank. And of course, I discovered it when I was on my way out to do a massage this morning. Evil hell cats.

03 November 2007

Loose Cat

No, not one of mine, one of the neighbors has a charcoal grey guy on the loose. He's often on the loose and it makes Stripe nuts. He's racing up the stairs and down to keep an eye on the interloper. Puppy reigns from her perch on the back of the love seat and really does not appear to give a hot damn. Sharkbutt remains in his new customary spot on the grounding pad on the bed. Me, I'm sitting on my shapely ass, watching the weather channel, waiting for the arrival of this nor'easter rain that's predicted as a result of the remnants Hurricane Noel. It's windy, it's cloudy but it's not raining and that's not a bad thing.

02 November 2007

Surprise!

When I roll in from work, I'm usually laden with the basics, lunch sack, armload of mail, to-go mug, gps, cell phone and whatever other accoutrement traveled with me to the 7 letter word for hell (Trenton). So with full arms I stroll to put my stuff away, or at least down before I make the arrival head call. As I bent over to place the mug down I noticed that I'd placed my boot in puke. And as I've been wearing hiking boots almost exclusively since my return from Sedona last month, I had treads full of hurl. Joy. So before throwing together some supper, my trusty plastic knife and I went to town and the treads of hurl. And not surprisingly I did not feel much like supper.

01 November 2007

Epithets I've Used More Than Once Today

Yellow bellied doucherocket
Semi literate single toothed jackass
Fuck wit.

Nice language from a buddhist, huh?

Getting Old is Hell

I've been having an issue or two with my left shoulder. Getting my arm over my head is a red hot mess and hurts like hell so I just don't do it. But having mentioned it to my trusted chiropractor (who is the best on the planet) she seemed to think that it would be better to investigate what was going on and devise a way to remedy it. So first she engaged in neurological and functional testing (or eliminating the possibility of someone actually having gotten on my last nerve and fucking it up). So neurologically I'm intact (yay!) but my left shoulder blade doesn't move when I move my arm which jacks the head of my humerus into the joint socket and tends to cram the soft tissue structures together and cause pain. Apparently, this requires that the musculature of my lower rotator cuff and lower trapezius has to get cracking and pull this puppy down on the rib cage and out the way. Currently, I'm on two exercises to facilitate this change and of course I've over done them and now my upper back/shoulder hurts. Which simply means that it's time to bust out the ice.

And I'm guessing this is due to my unfortunate preference to sleep on my left side. Damn it. I'm barely trainable when I'm awake and alert, forget when I'm asleep.