20 December 2008

The FReakin' Plague

So I have another year end coughter event (coughter is like laughter only not as funny) Not enjoying the coughing. But I'm lolling around watching Shrek, and am almost startled to see how much he reminds me of me. Well, except that I'm usually not green. And I don't need donkey, because I have Sharkbutt and the big cats.

12 December 2008

Sharkbutt Insists and Who Am I to Argue?

I am going to do this
but, no not quick enough for sharkbutt, I'm not a cow and I don't moo.

1) I drink a lot of water, I used to drink a lot of scotch, big lot.
2) I'm not that bad at cooking, I'm bad at keeping track of the recipe.
3) I do have a coworker that's nutty as squirrel poo.
4) My ring tone is the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - parallel with my life.
5) I skateboard in my living room.
6) Hanging out with the guys is even more peaceful than hanging out with the cats http://www.namgyal.org/
7) THe moon is full tonight and I was just out baying at it, the nastygram from the homeowners ass is probably already in the mail.
8) I read alot.
9) My Saturday wear is a hoody and a sarong, stylin'.
10) I'm thinking instead of gay people not being allowed to enter into marriage let's just call everyone's deal civil unions and be done with it.

07 December 2008

10 Honest things about me

Sharkbutt already did a fine job on this over at his blog, I shall update as the spirit moves me, but understand me now and hear me later, I'm not a cow, I do, however, moo.

24 November 2008

Fuck, Shit, Hell

My friend Ken died over the weekend. He was the guru of all things health benefits at our joint. Lots of fun, a good soul. We were the same age, his birthday the 22nd, mine's the 23rd. His cancer had been in remission, his prognosis was great, until the mets. All kinds of fucking mets. Showed up on his last PET scan. People have been walking around work looking lost since we were told he'd not be able to come back to work. Fuck, Shit, Hell, Damn.

01 November 2008

This was kind of cool

I have found Lama Surya Das to be insightful and pithy as hell.



Interview with Lama Surya Das

Insight From Bosco the Wonder Dog

You rong. You rexperiencink pain cos sara palin has her razor sharp rodent teef sunk in you leg. Her want to stop you from ebber gedding married n stuff. She say she reed yor blog and you an arab. She say she reed yor blog and you pal around wif nutjobs. She say you not even a reel amarican. chomp chomp. pain. see?

yor frend,

Bosco!

Dear Bosco,
To quote my dear Sharkbutt, you make a rinteresting point and are scary kind of right. He calls her Sarah Pale-end. I think she needs to get a grip and it needs to be a grip off of my leg and out of my damn pocket.
Thanks,
Sheena Sharkbutts foodchik.

31 October 2008

Not Just a Freakin' River in Egypt

Denial, it takes many forms and guises. Earlier in the week, I experienced knee pain, I don't do joint pain so I heeded the warning and refrained from Aikido until I could consult with P the torturer who is charged with all my orthopedic, chiropractic and muscular needs. She tested for a sartorius strain, no joy and checked the meniscus, nothing there - good news and given my symptoms thought perhaps my medial collateral ligament had been tweaked and perhaps I should rest and ice it. I have done that and it's gotten worse, and this is only my insight and certainly no reflection on any of the cadre of professional torturers I consult, but I think it's arthritis. It's no longer a medial deal and if I exercise (2.5 miles in 40 minutes @ the gym tonight) it feels better and it does, I'm guessing it's arthritis.

30 October 2008

From Bosco

Hi, it's Sharkbutt's fren Bosco!

Foodchick happy cos she got us doggs. Me happy too, but me think peeple crazee. Me watch tv newz wif foodchick, and the old guy that on all the time, he look like somebodee leff him out in da sun too long. He look he going to hab a stroke. And da lady what be wif him sometimes, they say on tv she gone rogue. Me know what dat iz from watching aminal planet wif foodchick! It meenz she turneded into a elephant that stampedes over everybodee and use its tusks to turn stuff over and uproot trees n stuff. And they trumpet lots. Then somebody shoot it wif trank dart and it go to sleep and wake up in circus act.

xo

Bosco!

1:22 PM

Hi Bosco, How are you? And your teeth? Give your foodchik a hello for me. I used to watch the tv news, but the old plastic guy looks too scary to me and the energy coming off him is looking more and more toxic. And yes, that lady sure seems to be stampeding and around and I'd sure not trust her with tusks. Both of them look to me like a trank dart would be a really good idea.

If Sharkbutt runs for president, I think he'd want you to be his vice president and chief advisor Bosco, you're really smart.

Have a happy day,
Sheena, sharkbutt's foodchik.

In My Ample Spare Time Tonight...

I have to further investigate the funeral methods of Tibetan Buddhists, I promised a friend that I would throw her one, and not that she's going anywhere, but this is probably something best not attempted on the fly.

I need to write about Reiki for another friend whilst ignoring the fucking doorbell.

If the weather is, as promised in the 60's this weekend, I need to liberate some sentient beings and pray over them to change the karmic balance a little for some folks I know.

I've gotta figure out the freakin' weather stripping.

And what I'm going to do is read, do laundry and exercise with the cats. Because that's really all I need to do. Though, I've been advised all I really need to do is breathe.

29 October 2008

Siiiiigh

My grandparents were old school, at the time of his death in 1995 my maternal grandfather was 103. We're talking old, old school. So I'm sitting here, watching the World Series game and we get a Cialis commercial. I can just picture being pulled up to the tv in my grandfather's house watching the world series together as we would do and trying to pretend that there was not a discussion of erectile dysfunction going on on the tv. Such a thing would have made his eyeballs explode, mine too.

25 October 2008

Triumph of Reason or what?

So the world is or is not in a recession, the stock market is pretty much in the shitter and the verbose class is hollering the sky is falling. Except no, the sky is not falling. Yes, the economic state of affairs is daunting. But no, the sky is still where it belongs. And if you (among the half dozen people that might stumble across my natterings) are reading this several things are true, your lungs are working, your heart is beating and with any kind of good luck you and your loved ones are in good health. You have access to a computer which suggests that you have access to healthy food, clean water, heat and shelter. So you're better off than most of the folks currently occupying the planet. And if you're a Phillies or Rays fan - you can just quit your bitchin' now.

If, like me, you enjoy the presence of pets in your life, you've got it as good as anyone can ask for. I've got an 18lb, striped 8 year old on my left lap, and a calico Puppy on my left shoulder. The Shark is patrolling the non-waters for snacks, toys and food. Eventually he will disturb one of the occupants so he can type his blog.

I'm grateful for those items mentioned above and that I have leisure time on a Saturday morning to type my thoughts.

19 October 2008

Things that make you go hmmm Revisited

Now, you know there wasn't any way I was letting this go. To review, friend passed along the opinion of her aunt that one can determine that one is pregnant by squatting over a mirror and seeing if one's cervix is blue. Since i was visiting the friendly neighborhood doc last week, I asked her to weigh in on the matter. She took my question very very seriously, as she is prone to do. But ventured that without sufficient lighting especially early in a pregnancy you ain't seeing that bad boy cervix. Then there's the whole matter of shedding enough light on the subject, I was left with visions of the doctor-style headlamp with reflector and the head of the wearer on its way adjacent to its own ass.

So amongst the medical profession, the bird eye view of the cervix mirror or no, not so much. However, the color of the vulva do change when one is pregnant. Who knew?

I Have More Than A Few Issues

with which I disagree with the Republican candidate for president, and the Republican Party.

This states it way better than I could.

If you're thinking of voting for McCain read this

13 October 2008

Random Pondering

As I type pondering it doesn't really look right to me, preferring the Jerseyism - pondle, which as you might anticipate is a combination of ponder and fondle. Hey, as a massage therapist, I'm a tactile thinker. That's my story and I stick to it. Well, and I have this whole semi-permanent soft porn reel looping through my head. Anyway, in my abundant free time (ha) I had an opportunity to take a real good look at my hands and forearms. For a large woman (I'm a shade under 5'10" fresh out of the chiropractor) my hands are small in length, but wide and for lack of a better word, thick. More than once my forearms have gathered some notice, especially memorable was the time, a friend said, "Hey Sheena, Pop-Eye called, he wants his forearms back." All in all, I'd say among my untattooed appendages they're my favorites.

I recall one experience during my clinical training as a massage therapist, the client, a woman in her late middle years, exclaiming for the better part of a half hour that my hands were so big. Good that she was prone, because, I looked at my hands, looked at her as if she had lost her mind and kept right on with what I was doing. Other people heard her remarks and after the massages were over came to investigate. To a person, we responded, what the fuck?

11 October 2008

Weight Watchers

Rejoined Weight Watchers the other week and have lost 4.8 lbs so far. It does find me more uttering more creative euphemisms to discribe my hunger.

I'm so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk.
I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a ragdoll.

Well, that's pretty much all I can put on a blog without getting a nastygram, I think.

07 October 2008

Back to Aikido

I'm quite excited about the prospect of returning to Aikido class tonight. Mainly, because I love Aikido - love it. More than once I've considered forgoing the old job and becoming an Ushi-deshi (kind of a live in minion) but then what would I do with the cats. And who the hell am I kidding, my 8 hours of paying miniondom is just fine thanks very much. Also, I'd set the goal (loosely as many of my goals are ever set) to earn the rank of Shodan (1st degree black belt) before my next birthday that ends in zero. No need to worry about what that is, if you know it's cuz you have the sense to keep quiet about it and if you don't know, either ask me or demonstrate the sense to keep quiet about it. And yep, I digress.

So, part of the prep for this entails finding the house garments - gi, hakama, belt, tape and braces for the joints that need taping and bracing. And vitamin N, naproxen - my anti-inflammatory agent of choice. Vitamin I Ibuprofen makes me act some kind of rabid so i can't take that one any more.

You can expect periodic updates on my training. The name of this blog is east coast randori - there's a definition of randori in the header, it's as apt a metaphor for life, at least my life as I've ever come across. And while I enjoy the one on one partner work of aikido where you learn the technique, refine the technique and learn to fall with a certain amount of grace. Randori brings it to the next level where rather than reacting to a set technique, you respond to what ever comes your way - a fist to the face, a grab from behind, whatever. Then dispatch the uke (attacker - although it really means the person receiving your technique) across the room. Sweet deal!

06 October 2008

Anger, Gratitude and the Whole Ball of Mess

When one has read entirely too much self-help literature as I admittedly have, one gets a big heaping dose of thought on the toxicity of anger. I do not completely disagree because I’m quite cognizant of the effects that my own anger has had on my relationships with others as well as with myself (talking to myself has not always been as pleasurable an activity as it is today). On the other hand, I know damn right well that for more years than I’d care to count anger kept me going and saved my life. In the main I manage it pretty well lately, and no longer rely on my own anger and rage getting me out of bed in the morning (and not because I have the ‘cat stomp on bladder alarm’ made famous by my cat Sharkbutt). So while I do work at being mindful of the whys of my emotions and dig to discern what's at the root of my shit.

So what I'm reading now is called Feeding Your Demons,by Tsultrim Allione and it talks about treating them compassionately. Visualizing my body melting into a nectar that feeds the demon and treating the demon with compassion, until it turns into an ally or a protective daemon. Now, anger ain't my only demon, not by a long damn shot. And most of the demons I've collected I collected before I was a teenager. So I've been holding them at arms length for a long time. Still get flashbacks from some of them. Yeah, PTSD kinds of flashbacks, and I thought I was just twitchy. Turns out it was maybe a little more than then twitchiness on my part.

So today, I'm beyond grateful to the anger and that somewhere deep inside I had the wisdom to use it for what I needed it, and mostly had the good sense to stay out of trouble. It took until I was about forty to be happy to be the person who I saw in the mirror every morning, and I'm grateful that I've hung in that long.

04 October 2008

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Dined with some friends the night before last and then a different group of friends last night as well. With me so far? One of me pals from night before last remarked that she'd heard that if one's cervix is blue in color that indicates that one is pregnant. Now, as a matter of vajayjay generalities I'm not unfamiliar with the turf in question here, and because I have a vajayjay as well as dine from that side of the buffet, I will even go so far as to claim a certain expertise. And I can safely say in my travels I've not ever seen a cervix from the squatting or any other viewpoint. My thought is that if you're dealing with that much ambient light emanating from that region pregnancy is not as much of an issue as getting the flashlight out of that hoohoo. I'm just sayin'. So I broached the question with the last nights gang of friends who, like me, enjoy the other side of the buffet and they've all concurred with my logic here.

And if you happen to be keeping score Euphemisms 3, Anatomically accurate noun - 1.

30 September 2008

Deep Thoughts

Ok, I lie, nothing deep about this one. Michelle Obama will be the hottest first lady - ever!!!!

23 September 2008

06 September 2008

Rev girls 5 for Friday - Vulnerability

1. Is vulnerability something that comes easily to you, or are you a private person?
Not even remotely. Vulnerability has been among my biggest fears.

2.How important is it to keep up a professional persona in work/ ministry?
I don't manage to do it, so I'm not finding it important.

3. Masks, a form of self protection discuss...
I think masks are a form of self protection. I'm more comfortable with the concept of walls, I believe that with me what you see is what you get. But what you see is what I'm willing to show. And that ain't always much.

4. Who knows you warts and all?
My consigliere.

5. Share a book, a prayer, a piece of music, a poem or a person that touches the deep place in your soul, and calls you to be who you are most authentically.
For as long as space endures, for as long as sentient beings remain, may I too remain to dispel the misery of the world.

26 August 2008

Hopes and Dreams

Someone pointed out that one's blog is a good place to talk about one's hopes and dreams.

I hope coworker I.L. gets laryngytis real soon, for real long.

I wish Dominos would bring me a hot fudge sundae and a bottle of Aleve.

I wish I wasn't allergic to topical treatments for poison ivy. And it goes without saying I wish I wasn't allergic to poison ivy.

I wish the cats would learn to use the toilet already, damn it to hell.

I've been dreaming about monkeys a lot lately, not sure what that's about.

I had turkey chili for dinner and hope I don't dream about chili. Or Chile for that matter.

23 August 2008

Science in the Private Interest

Strains of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science" whirled through my head (note to self: must discuss my "life has a sound track" theory in another blog posting) as I investigated just what no longer fresh hell was percolating in my refrigerator. I'd not be surprised to find that some of that which I cleared out of my refrigerator would cure blindness. I'm guessing I missed more than somewhat the 2006 versions of mess in my fridge. Hmm, vintage yogurt, I should sell it on ebay. Ha!

04 August 2008

Why?

Do the dregs of my green drink and the dregs of my protein shake smell like the french fried hell of monkey ass?

Does Sharkbutt the catlet lick my head so much?

Does it feel so damn good to be able to fix my own shirt collar? **Yay for range of motion.**

Range of motion is a beautiful thing

My left shoulder is fucked up, or more accurately I would propose that I've likely got a spot of tendinitis in the long head of my bicepts and there's something awry with the supraspinatus tendon as well, or to keep it short my shoulder is fucked up. My good bud, M, and I swapped massages today and she mentioned that my left shoulder was visibly fucked up. So she went to work and now it is a rare delight of shoulder motion!!!!! Yay!

03 August 2008

Are you freakin' kiddin' me with this?

Apparently not, Christ in a cheetoh

I've got an idea, how about instead of looking for the son of God in food products, try reading up on his life and his message. Ya know that whole love another deal.

02 August 2008

Hmm

Unlike Christiane Amanpour I have not ever met His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Amanpour Dalai Lama

But I have made the acquaintance of several Tibetan Buddhist monks, most of whom were ordained by HH the DL. And I have found them all to be simply mesmerizing in the serenity that just emanates from them in waves. Luckily, I'd also found it to be contagious.

To Elaborate ...

on the C word used in the previous post, no need to go back. C as in Catholic and my 17 fun filled action packed years in Catholic school, she said ironically. The 17 years are not indicative of an intrinsic slowness on my part that required any repeat performances but of a journey that started when I was 5 and ended with a BS in Accounting - yes, nuns as teachers of the counting of the bean, who knew? It was an interesting journey, crowded with activities such as youth groups, hell, at a point I was even a CCD teacher(Confraternity of Christian Doctrine). And at another point I had a job turning pages of sheet music for a church organist.

There were many intended and unintended benefits, until I started my present job and let my grammar go straight to hell, both my written and spoken grammar were impeccable and the spelling isn't half bad either. But that was of course, the point of being sent to Catholic school. The unintended benefit was in having so intense an exposure to doctrine and dogma, they taught me to reason, and think. Heaven help them.

31 July 2008

Meme Thing From Shazza

The rules:
1. Post the link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 songs you are embarrassed to admit to others that you like and tell why.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post

Here's Shazza's link: !Random!

Ok, here's the twist, even though I'm what people call a lapsed Catholic (pshaw, I ran, I didn't lapse) I spent a lot of time in Catholic school and a lot of time in church and really, the music is the only thing I miss. Appalling, yes, but if it ain't Baroque don't fix it. (I'm here 'til Tuesday try the veal and be sure to tip your hardworking waitresses and bartenders)

1- O' Come O' Come Emmanuel - if your ass is in grade school, they (the nuns) make you sing a lot to keep you busy.

2- Don't recall the title but the lyric - O saving victim open wide the gates of heaven to man below... ya just don't get lyrics like that in Tibetan chants, even if I spoke more than 6 words of Tibetan.

3- Ave Maria - my sister and I occasionally indulge in Mafia movie/chickflick marathons. We get through the slow parts but fastforwarding and chanting 1,2,3, die. But we both agreed that we will not allow this to be played at any funerals we are in charge of, because someone always gets whacked!

4- Mickey by Toni Basil - ok not churchy, but cheerleadery and even more importantly corny as hell.

5- Milkshake by Kelis - this in and of itself is not a terribly embarrassing song, certainly not in the league with church music and Toni Basil. What renders it appallingly embarrassing for me is the Pavlovian effect it has on my ass shaking. I'm generously supplied with ass and so that it doesn't get away from me and hurt anyone, mostly it's clenched. Milkshake rocks it loose!

So anyone reading this, if you feel like it, consider yourself tagged

22 July 2008

Well, Speaking of Getting Out of MY HEAD

and back in my body. Wore a brand new bullet proof sports bra today, the puppies where perky, the puppies were not moving. The puppies were trapped like rats. And typically if I'm upright the puppies are brassiered, but when I got to my car this afternoon, I went all free willie on the twins. There is nothing that quite grabs the attention like sore breasts. Trust me.

21 July 2008

But I Liked This One and Sharkbutt Did not

He says it has too many words.

Sharkbutt and I enjoyed this

Choices

Every once in a while the universe manages to give me a semi-brisk swat upside the head, a reminder to please pay attention. Starts off gently, but if I ignore it for too long the reminders become less gentle and more profound. Having learned quite some time ago that there really are no such things as coincidences, I slowly begin to acknowledge what I've apparently always known. My work here isn't done yet, as much as I'd like to coast at my previous accomplishments of mucking out the stalls of my past, I'm reminded, nope, not done yet, not by a long damn shot. As much as I like to believe I've accepted the past as reality, there are aspects of it that I go out of my way to avoid thinking about, feeling about and exploring in order to have them fit into the whole as opposed to monitoring their expulsion to the corner. Unbidden they roar to the surface, and I'm off on a roller coaster ride but this time of my own volition. Reminding myself that equanimity is nice fucking work if you can get it, but not at the cost of numbing out. Having spent as much time as I did as a blackout drunk, I know that numbing out doesn't really work too well for me. Nor did the rage addiction style of numbing out, nor is the bulk in which I've wrapped myself to help preserve the illusion of invulnerability by keeping most ordinary kinds of vulnerability at bay. Nor does this whole bliss kitten meditation addicted trip I've been on of late. Which I was trying to pretend that I didn't know. So it's time for me to wade on into the middle of the tumultuous essence that I've been skirting the sides of for a little too long now. The good news to me at least is that I will get out of my head for a bit and back into my body and who knows, perhaps my right goddamned mind. Whatever that is.

08 July 2008

Beach

I went to the beach with the fabulous Ms. S and the amazing JT yesterday. It was a delightful day at the beach, cooling breeze, not too too sunny. Not terribly crowded and the company was excellent. I have always been a big beach fan and periodically go and sit alone or with some of my grown up friends. But it's always delightful to go with JT, his excitement at being at the beach reflects my own and while I'm not entirely certain he finds it as soothing as I do. I'm not entirely certain anyone finds it as soothing as I do. The time I've spent at the beach has been the secret to any remaining mental health I possess.

01 July 2008

I get the sense

that my moon is in Uranus, or perhaps my head is in my anus. This is just a collection of how well my day went.

1 - Installed panty shield sticky side up. Was not prepared for the depilatory efficiency.

2 - Whilst in my office, gave by sunburnt cleavage a scratch and discovered Stripe the cats morning antibiotic dose in said cleavage.

3 - Coworker L had obvious bruising and swelling to ring finger (this was obvious from across the room) knowing L is on umpteen kinds of cardiac meds including blood thinners, I suggested she go see the nurse. Given my own experience with the nurse, I should not have been surprised that L was sent back with an ice pack. The nurse suggested she take a Benadryl or two thinking that something had bitten her. So good, the mice probably have their own pets that bite.

4 - One word - shart.

5 - Burnt the torilla chips whilst mesquite smoking them and dropped one of them down me cleavage. Joy more itching.

I will leave it there for now, noting that it is not 9 pm yet.

29 June 2008

Well Yes, Since I Brought It Up

I am premenstrual severely, premenstrual. I was buzzing around Wegman's with the fabulous Ms. S, the cutest girl on two feet and this is usually a pleasant, even delightful experience for me. Do not get me wrong the aspect of basking in the company of Ms. S is withhout fail a delight. But my body chemistry has murderous intent and one simple twat adjacent to the avocados had days that were way past numbered.

A confession: I've been banned from a couple of supermarkets in my day, when I had the panties of evil (as I often refer to PMS) under far less control than I do today. And both of my bannings resulted in my behavior after I'd been hit with a shopping cart, in both cases, I was hit more than once and objected rather strenuously, loudly and as I am large, largely. This did not prevent me from being hit. In the one instance I simply turned around reached for the offending cart behind me in the checkout line and upended it. I was escorted from the store. the other time I was hit twice, but followed the offender to the parking lot and upended the cart on the hood of her car. 'Twas then, I said to myself "self, we may required professional help"...

Which we sought, from the shrink knowns as "that fucking woman in H-D". It's time to go work on my anger management exercises or tomorrow will not be an optimal work experience for anyone.

And Now for Something Completely Different - Cynthia Heimel

The brilliance of Cynthia Heimel is in its complete glorious glory here:

12:26 | PMS and Outfits · Cynthia Heimel
Hello, I’m premenstrual. So I’ve chained myself to the radiator.

Why? Must you ask?

I’ve chained myself to the radiator because if I give myself an inch, I’ll go shopping. And if I go shopping I will buy something. And that thing I buy, that thing I find myself madly and irrevocably in love with, the thing that I think I’ve secretly wanted all my life and only finally had the courage to buy will probably be a brightly voluminous turquoise jumpsuit with epaulets. I’m not crazy about jumpsuits. I’ve shunned turquoise since I was seven. I hate epaulets.

But today I don’t. Today I think of epaulets as the bee’s knees. Today I think I might have been hasty in condemning jumpsuits and turquoise. Today I want to be wild and free as the wind. I have PMS. I am insane. Really bonkers. If you live in England and happen to have PMS when you commit a murder, you can be acquitted. England is a very enlightened country.

You wouldn’t believe the boots I got once. Putrid green. There was fringe involved, and I believe some silver studs. Maybe not, I can’t bear to open the box and look at them.

The buying of unfortunately colored boots is the biggest symptom of PMS. I was having a business lunch with a perfectly awful girl once, the kind of girl who steals boyfriends. She was wearing neon-blue, leather cowboy boots. Snakeskin and suede inserts. Scalloped tops. Tassels. Beige stacked heels. Excruciating. You could kill yourself just looking at them.

“What do you think of my boots?” she asked.

“When did you buy them?” I asked.

“Last week sometime,” she said.

“When was your last period?” I asked.

“It just started today,” she said. “Why?”

“No reason,” I said. “The boots are extremely pleasant.”

“You don’t think they’re a little busy or something? I’m having doubts.”

“On the contrary, I think your boots are very stylish and delightful,” I said, remembering how she tried to steal Rita’s boyfriend at a party once.

Once in the throes of PMS I had to go to a crucial meeting that would determine my entire future. I had to look great.

I surveyed the contents of my closet and burst into tears.

“I have nothing to wear!” I wailed. “Everying I own is too boring, boring, boring!”

Then I ransacked my drawers until I came upon this utterly charming, tomato-red sweater shoved behind some old bathing suits.

“Why, you cute thing,” I said to the sweater. “I wonder why I buried you.” Then, looking behind some boxes in a closet, I happened upon a magenta skirt.

“What a chic idea,” I decided.

I went through my tights and in a trice found a lovely burgundy-hued pair. A cerise jacket and scarlet shoes completed my ensemble.

“I am a symphony of reds,” I sang to myself as I left the house.

Luckily a security guard stopped me on my way to the meeting.

“You’re kidding about the outfit, right?” he asked.

“Out of my way, little man,” I commanded. “You just don’t understand innovations of style.”

“I understand that you look just like my wife does right before she gets her period,” he said. “‘Joe,’ my wife says, ‘you ever catch me trying to leave the house like this, lock me in a closet.’”

“You think a bright green dress instead?” I asked him.

”Do yourself a favor, go home and put on a navy suit,” he said.

So I did and so here are the PMS rules. Neglect them at your own peril:

Mark of on your calendar the day you will become insane. When that day arrives, you are officially on PMS-Watch. Call a nonpremenstrual friend to make decisions for you, even what to have for breakfast, because if she doesn’t, you’ll have Ring Dings and Valium.
When you’re not premenstrual, assemble a tasteful outfit for meetings-that-could-change-your-life. Make sure this ensemble hangs in the designated PMS area of your closet. Make sure you wear it.
One week before your period, give all your credit cards to a close friend. Tell her to lock them up until your third day of menstruation. By then the desire for hideous boots has flown.
Keep away from guns, knives, and epaulets.

28 June 2008

More Vermin in the Workplace




Apparently the extermination methods are more than somewhat effective.

21 June 2008

Vermin In The Workplace Day 2


We had another mouse appearance at work yesterday and as Evil Queen I was summoned! Am still mystified as to what was expected of me. My sprinting and catching wild animals days have pretty much passed me by. So this mouse was a bold fellow, just stood there calmly eyeballing me as I eyeballed him and I quickly slid a box lid under him and marched us over to the elevators. He, I and my friend G who was descending to the fresh hell of the 3rd floor rode down and I proceeded to take him to the first floor, intending to release him into the wilds of Trenton. As I departed the elevator, I was met by C of the maintenance staff who escorted the young mouse to the back yard. I am now known as both Evil Queen and mouse whisperer. This photo is more than somewhat blurry but is the mouse in question in the boxlid mentioned.

19 June 2008

Vermin in the Workplace

No I'm not referring to coworkers. One of my folks spotted a mouse making a break for it across her foot. She provided earsplitting shrieks as did the mouse, but I wasn't telling her that was the mouse shrieking. And at heart I am the Evil Queen so I'm bring some of my catlets toy mice to work to see what kind of hell I can raise.

17 June 2008

OH FRESH HELL!

I returned to work from a week off for good behavior and it just gets deeper in fucked up moronic nonsense. One of the minions makes it more and more obvious on a daily basis that she requires both hands, a road map and GPS to find her ass. Years ago I promised myself that I no longer literally or figuratively beat my head against the wall. Today, I came very close to breaking that promise to myself.

14 June 2008

Hmmm

So I'm off to a wedding later today, I'm not much for weddings and not simply because my kind are discouraged from having them and so forth. It's mainly because the sentiment expressed is not based in the reality of history. Love, forever, blah, blah, blah. Back in the day, it was a way to maintain a woman as property. People seem to forget that. And then you have the religical nuts who maintain that God has a hand in all this, ummm, hi, in that case it's just sanctified fucking and let's us knock off with this pretense of trying to holy it up, shall we? Then there is this whole business of people putting more time, energy and attention in to the wedding than they do into the marriage. Why? Is it because it's a couple of multi-billion dollar a year businesses, weddings and divorces? And marriage is work, sometimes brutally hard work? It is hard to know.

08 June 2008

Meme A Roo

I stole this one from Shazza at Random :

Technology
Q: What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Sharkbutt's baby picture

Q: How many televisions do you have in your house?
2

BIOLOGY
Q: Are you right handed or left handed?
Mainly right handed.

Q:Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
glass, teeth.

Q: What is the last heavy item you lifted?
My freezer

Q: Have you ever been knocked out?
Oddly, no I don't think so, even thought I fought for 20 odd years. So down yes, out no.

Bullshitology

Q: If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Hepzibah, no, not really

Q: What color do you think looks best on you?
Light blue, steel grey, cool colors.

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
Are bugs considered non-food items? And I suppose teeth are non food items, and back when I enjoyed tequila the wormage.

Dareology

Q: Would you kiss a member of the same sex for 100 dollars?
Duh...I'd do it for free!

Q: Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for 200,000$?
Oh hell no!

Q: Would you never blog again for 50,000$?
There will come a point when I tire of reading my nonsense and will not blog again for nothing. So sure.

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for 1,000$?
Um, no, not ever.

Q: Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for a million dollars?
there was a time when I thought my life would be incomplete without taking a couple of particular human lives for free, fortuitously that time has passed so unless it was a bizarre juncture of events where the taking of the life would alleviate that persons suffering, I'd have to decline.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
Wallet, keys

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
I would not know

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
Carpet

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
What is the point of showering if one is going to sit.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
I don't think I own any, my feet are too effed up for flip flops.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last person who texted you?
My sister M.

Q: Last person who called you?
Stacy

Q: Last person you hugged?
My consigliere

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
23, 11, I like 'em odd.

Q: Season?
Fall

Q: Color?
Indigo

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
Stacy

Q: Mood?
Tired, Hungry, Blasphemous.

Q: Listening to?
Ceiling fan

Q: Worrying about?
Will these effing cats learn how to use the toilet.

Q: Wearing?
shorts, shirt, shades, dainties.

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
the truck

Q: What can you not wait to do?
if I don't have to wait I don't, If I have to wait, I wait. there's no can't.

Q: Do you smile often?
oh fuck no.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
Um, no, not even remotely, I'm a NJ native, who outposted for 4 years in Scranton so my friendliest mood is surly, my unfriendliest rabid. there's not much middle ground here.

01 June 2008

More With the Doom!

Condi Rice meets Kiss

Yes, that KISS - 70's glam band extraordinaire. Perhaps it's time to start bending over and practice kissing our asses goodbye.

31 May 2008

Yet Another Sign of Impending Doom

I received a link to the following below in an email from this vendor this morning. Yes, it's true I do wear underwear. More often than not they're black, beyond that there will be no further discussion of my dainties, which as is much of my wardrobe, purchased for functionality and, truth be told practicality. If I could find machine washable, bulletproof dainties to match my machine washable, bulletproof sports bras I'd be in hog heaven.

Imagine my surprise to find that JMS (a division of Sara Lee, who also bring you Champion and Hanes brand sportswear and used to bring you Coach handbags but now I digress) is marketing an EXTREME MAKEUNDER. Doom, I say doom!

To me this is just asking for people to make puppets out of them and sell them on ETSY!

30 May 2008

DUDES!!

So would you believe Stripey my high maintenance cat has already successfully used the toilet apparatus? He did. I'm so proud, bursting with triumphant pride. And yes, it speaks ill of the quality of my life.

28 May 2008

Because Aspirations for the End of Suffering of all Sentient Beings Does Not Keep Me Nearly Busy Enough

I've decided that it's time for the cats to be toilet trained. I'd seen this proposed for years and must confess to being exceedingly curious about the video many of the kits include. Who is the video for, the cats or the foodchik/dude? Since I did not buy an apparatus that involved video I still cannot answer that question. Photos and updates as events warrant or as my whim of iron moves me.

22 May 2008

Fascia

Siiigh, I inadvertently strained the transversus abdominis in the lower medial left. Which basically means I jacked up my low belly adjacent to my groin and above my whup where such things attach, ok technically the musculature inserts to the symphasis pubis. Damn it to hell! and when I move my neck just right I feel that in my vajayjay and in a veritable sheath of connective tissue in between my neck and my whup. And my mission is to both rest and ice this region of my girlish self. Now I'm a big big fan of the therapeutic value of ice, the efficiency with which it reduces inflammation and that really nifty part after the throbbing bone chilling ache where things go numb. Not so much with either the bone chilling ache or it's predecessor freezing process on my belly. Whilst things are still inflamed (read painful) I cannot try any of my umpteen tricks for helping increase the circulation to the the regions in question.

Not sure quite how I did it, but since it's me, I'm pretty sure it was doing one damn dumb thing or another.

19 May 2008

What part of May 19th at 10:00am do you not understand?

My main occupation these days is a payroll queen. We pay once a month and today we closed at 10:00am. At 10:05, someone whirled insisting that his system problem was my problem and demanding I fix it. A) not my system, not my problem B) you're late you need to kiss my ass in Macy's window motherfucker so get gone. So in not so many words I told him to fuck off and I called his boss and told her that if he pulled this shit again he was going out the window and we're on the 7th floor.

Until I was 40 my greatest regret in life was that I'd not killed anyone and then I mellowed out, but today that good old rage was back. I was ready to choke the eyeballs out of this fucker.

17 May 2008

Blah, Blah, Freakin' Blah a meme deal

What is your occupation? Bliss Kitten, oh wait the one, I get paid for, full-time professional Evil Minion - Accounting and Finance

What color are your socks right now? One's black, one's white. Shut up. It was not a pretty morning

What are you listening to right now? The weeds being whacked

What was the last thing that you ate? Protein shake, oh wait drank that. Pre-bed dose of pure green, oh wait drank that too. Chicken.

Can you drive a stick shift? It's been a while but sure.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Usually Indigo, today Magenta, mainly because E Dillon referred to me as the bluebird of happiness, luckily I did not refer to her as the greenbird of mental illness.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? I think Elaine

How old are you today? 25 years younger than my mother, 31 years older than my oldest niece

Favorite drink? Iced red chai, water

What is your favorite sport to watch? rodeo

Have you ever dyed your hair? Um it's about 90% snow fucking white so yes

Favorite food? Mexican

Last movie you watched? Smart People - excellent flick

Favorite Day of the year? Any day I get to the beach, any day in AZ, September 24

What do you do to vent anger? Glare, Curse, rant, beat the snot out of the 80lb punching bag in the cats room

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was never what you'd call a child. brass knuckles

What is your favorite season? All but fall spring are enjoying most favored nation status.

Hugs or kisses? both goddamn it.

Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry


When was the last time you cried? I do not cry, I snot. Not recently What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and sharkbutt, he lurks there. I keep telling him we're gay friendly here and he can come out of the closet.

Who is the friend you have had the longest? Who is the friend you have known the shortest? I don't effing know, this friendship stuff is not my first time around an incarnation with any of you.
Favorite smells? SM, cinnamon

Who inspires you? In no particular order, my mom, SM, LC, my friends, dalai lama, IJJ, Sugano Sensei

What are you afraid of? losing a loved one, losing my mind (which is, I suppose losing a loved one)

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? spicy

Favorite car I like? Black Mazda 3 Speed hatchback

Favorite cat breed? muttleys

Number of keys on your key ring? 3 rings, 2 keys, a leatherman on one, 12 keys on the other, 3 keys on the other

How many years at your current job? 24 on September 17 but really who's counting

Favorite day of the week? Saturday

How many states have you lived in? 2 - NJ and PA

Do you think you're funny? yes, when I'm not fearing for my remaining 3 sane brain cells, yes.

Where to go when you need TMI

The NY tabloids of course,

TMI

Now, if you want to give it a miss, I understand but don't want you to miss the high points, it is a gold lame leopard print thong with flames along the waistband belonging to Jason Giambi to which the article refers. Players wear it to break a hitting slump. It is washed in between wearings. And I'm guessing unless Giambi starts hitting real soon, he's going to be the only one wearing it for a time.

Knowing that my own mothership had several ironclad rules, I can only imagine how appalled the mothership of J. Giambi is to read on the front page of the NYDailyNews about her son sharing his panties.

16 May 2008

Love this

and if I knew to whom to attribute it, I would, in a hot minute.

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me...It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied..."The one I feed."

15 May 2008

Hmmm

What does it say about me that I wanted to call in sick to work to go to Ithaca for a hunger strike? And then what does it say that I won't do it?

I've been to Buddha Camp with these folks and they're good souls. Being around the monks was truly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Anyway, more about them here Namgyal Ithaca


Dear Students and Friends,

The Namgyal Venerable Monks, along with the Tibetan Association of Ithaca, will be leading a two-day Tibetan Sympathetic and Solidarity Hunger Strike on May 16 – 17, 2008, in honor of Tibetans who have lost their lives, those who still suffer under Chinese rule for the cause of Tibetan freedom, and to further raise awareness and highlight the urgent need for the following actions in Tibet:

· The opening of a concrete dialogue between His Holiness the Dalai Lama and the Chinese government
· The United Nations sending an independent international envoy to fully investigate the human rights situation in Tibet
· The Chinese government allowing doctors and medical equipment into Tibet, extending immediate care to those in need of medical attention
· The Chinese government releasing all monks and lay persons currently imprisoned for engaging in human rights protests in Tibet
· The Chinese government ending the killings and torture of innocent Tibetans throughout the whole of Tibet
· The Chinese government allowing international media into Tibet, for unobstructed free press throughout the whole of Tibet

The Namgyal Venerable Monks and Tibetan Association members will be at the Ithaca Commons, Center Pavilion, from 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM on Friday and Saturday, May 16 & 17, where they will be engaged in meditation, prayers for the cause of Tibetan freedom and world peace, and dedication prayers for those who have passed in the struggle for a free Tibet. Namgyal students, friends and community members are welcome to participate in each full-day 12-hour fast, or for any amount of time throughout each day of the two-day Tibetan Sympathetic and Solidarity Hunger Strike.

With warm regards,
Namgyal Monastery

Venue: Ithaca Commons, Center Pavilion
Time: Friday May 16th, 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM
Saturday May 17th, 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM

14 May 2008

My Consiglieri and Me

So have you ever walked into a room, perhaps hostile to the subject at hand or not, but seemingly completely unwittingly set in motion a series of choices that changes your life forever? It has happened to me, more than once within the last 10 -15 years and I’ve been lucky enough to be paying sufficient attention to at least be able to look back and see just what it is I’ve set in motion.
In October of 1994, my friend Barb told me about Aikido, a martial art I knew very little about but hey, it was martial, it was art, I went and watched the class she was taking, and I signed up. Met some new people, learned all kinds of new and mostly good things about myself. Then in December 2000, I’m on the phone with my friend IJJ and I am supposed to be studying for a final in The Economics of Healthcare and after hanging up with IJJ, I sit and read the stuff for the zillionth time and say to myself, self something’s gotta give. So back to Aikido (which by the way is where I’d met IJJ) my Sensei is finishing up his course of study at Somerset School of Massage. And something resonated with me as massage was something I’d always wanted to do, and would usually do for anyone that’d stand still for it. So by March 2001, I’m enrolled for the June 2001-2002 12 month class at SSMT. Now, I’d always enjoyed school, always enjoy learning stuff and I was enraptured by massage school, anatomy, grease, the whole bit.
It’s useful to note, that at this point I had so many rough edges still that it’d be fair to call me prickly or even nuts, because I was but that’s a story for another day. Well, 3 months, almost to the day of starting massage school was 9-11-01 and knowing what I know now about energy and so forth – there was a major energetic shift on the planet. But at that point, I knew very little of energy but can recognize the energetic shift in hindsight. In November of 2001, there came the weekend that marks almost the halfway point of massage school – Experience Weekend, or let’s pimp the continuing ed to a captive audience for 2 days. Basically each of the continuing ed instructors, presented an hour and a half or so, on whatever their particular offering was. So I was quite excited about the Neuromuscular Therapy, Shiatsu, all the hands on stuff, Chi Kung was interesting but still a little ‘wifty’ for me. So Sunday morning, my cohort Ro drags me into the front row of Reiki which to me seems to be all wifty all the time. I’m not a front row dweller, generally preferring to take the smart ass back corner by the window seat. But here we were front and center and my body language was resistant, ok, it was hostile, arms crossed over my chest, legs crossed and the steely weather eye ball cast upon the presenters.
The main presenters were 2 reiki master candidates, and a Reiki master. Now I will say this about that, the Reiki Master – A – pure eye candy. Looks like Angelina Jolie’s taller sister. The Reiki master candidates – E had and has the kindest eyes and L radiates life force – if you’d not ever seen a force of nature before you might not know what to look for, I have seen quite a few in my time and L is certainly one of them. So there was talk of energy – ki – which of course, I knew of from Aikido, and one does not develop at least some skills at chucking people around the room without a decent working knowledge of ki. Then there’s Rei, now in my training Rei means to honor, but in reiki they refer to rei as universal or spiritual. And when combined into reiki it’s universal life force energy, which surrounds and is in everything. Everyone has some natural ability to be tuned into this life force energy but the study and practice of reiki increases your connectedness. And by the way, at the time I WAS BUYING NONE OF IT, wouldn’t have taken a free coupon had one been offered. So they had us offer one another Reiki, and here I am sitting in the front row, thinking what the fuck so loudly, I’d bet it was audible. Ro had placed her hands on my head then shoulders in the demonstrated style and then someone else came over and put a hand on the back of my left shoulder. It felt as if my heart shifted from right to left in my chest and my body started to hum. Tripped me out. Now, one would not ever refer to me as a kinetic person, I am much more of a slave to inertia and momentum, but after this I had to go outside and jump up and down and my 30 year battle with insomnia was won. Yes, after one hands on deal from something I was absolutely resistant to, A still tells stories about this. And to make an exceedingly long story short, the first continuing ed class I signed on for was Reiki 1, then Reiki 2, then Advanced Practitioner and 2 years later I found myself in the Reiki Master course. The Reiki Master course as practiced by the Center of Living Light (purveyors of Reiki and Light) is a year long adventure where the coursework is centered mainly around one subject and that subject was me. So whilst, I was doing the formal monthly coursework with A, L and I had become close friends and she helped guide me down the road of what I like to call who the fuck am I and what have I done with the real me? She really did the heavy lifting to get me to where and who I am today. And for that I’m overwhelmed with gratitude, and if you know me now and didn’t know me before you should be too. And if you know me now and knew me before you’re still in freakin’ awe.
So to illustrate, when I first started in this RMC (Reiki Master Candidate), I was so disinclined to discuss my feelings, I would not use the word ‘feelings’ preferring instead to call them the ‘f’ word. Hell, disinclined to discuss I was disinclined to admit I had any feelings ever about anything. So, L, helped me to cross that divide and not by dragging me kicking and screaming although sometimes I felt that might have been funner or at least funnier. But by gently asking questions, and going all the way into what the shit was really about, and what core of feelings I was actually trying to handle or more accurately trying to not handle. (I will engage in a certain amount of this with people who seek it, but I’m a blunt instrument where L is finely tuned, insightful and brilliant) Also, there is the whole business of decoding the messages the universe tries to hip us up with, and there were so many messages, I didn’t want to see or hear, but I was never alone in having to deal with them. So I did, and that I think has made much of the difference in allowing me to completely change my life.
I am blessed with several friends named L and to distinguish them this L is referred to as my consigliere, she’s a very gifted one and I was lucky to have been led to make all the different choices that led me to this place and this time, with this consigliere. So if you read all this way, would you be so kind as to send L good energy and a warm thought? Thanks, we appreciate it.

13 May 2008


Meme thingy
OK...I saw this meme on Shazza's Blog
http://randomthoughtsandactsofstupidty.blogspot.com

I didn't want to be left out so I did it too!

How to: put your itunes/ipod on shuffle and press next for each question. write down the song that's playing as an answer.
If anything, it's a good way to see what kind of music is on other peoples iPods. And just how many Rolling Stones songs I've got on this ipod.

1) How would you describe yourself? Damn, I wish I was your Lover Sophie B Hawkins
2) What do you like in a guy/girl? Push It Salt n Pepa
3) What is your motto? Early in the Morning Robert Palmer
4) What do your friends think of you? It's Only Make Believe Robert Gordon
5) What do you think about often? I touch Myself The Divinyls
6) What do your parents think of you? Say Hey, Crystal Waters
7) What do you think of your best friend? Wasted On the Way Crosby Stills Nash and Young
8) What do you think of the person you like? Offshore Chicane
9) What do you want to be when you grow up? Wondering Where the Lions Are, Bruce Cockburn
10) What do you think when you see the person you like? Waiting on a Friend Rolling Stones
11) What song will they play at your wedding? Vertigo U2
12) What will they play at your funeral? Beautiful Day U2
13) What is your hobby/interest? She's a Beauty - The Tubes
14) What is your biggest fear? Too Much Time on My Hands Styx
15) What is your biggest secret? Cecelia Simon and Garfunkel
16) What do you think of your friends? First Cut is the Deepest Cheryl Crow
17) What is your theme song? She Was Hot - Rolling Stones
18) What do you think of your family?Under Pressure Queen and David Bowie
19) What is your best friend's theme song? Inside Out Phil Collins
20) What is your mood right now? Rumble Doll Patti Scialfa
21) If your heart could talk what would it say? I need a lover Pat Benatar
22) What do your co-workers think of you? You Shook Me All Night Long Melissa Etheridge
23) What does your future look like? Somewhere In Between Lifehouse



11 May 2008

Mother's Day

Happy mother's day to all you mothers out there. It always seems to me that choosing to become a mother is possibly the most hopeful action one might undertake in this lifetime. It's also brave as hell too. Buddhists believe that each being we encounter was at one time or another our mother or our child, and that we would go far karmically as well as increase the amount of kindness in the world if we treated one another as such.

And yes, I'm plenty cognizant of the relationship challenges many of us face with our mothers, but because of the fundamental nature of the human parenting situation, the give and take, which on most of our parts involved a whole lot more taking than giving as we grew up... anyway, the following resonates with me, and it's early so I know it's one Buddhist or another that said it, I read it in something Dean Sluyter wrote - as long as we are at war with our parents we are at war with ourselves, until we have peace with our parents, we will not have peace with ourselves.

As always, just one of the random possibly inane thoughts running around my head, your mileage may vary and I may be wrong. And someday monkeys might fly outta my ass.

10 May 2008

Hints from Hell

Yes, the fresh french fryed hell of IVRS and Muzak and hold. This'll tell you had to get a human on the phone.

http://www.gethuman.com/index.asp

02 May 2008

Avon Lady?

Today's lunch discussion centers around the variety of catalogs available from our local Avon lady, popularly known as Evil. Well, because she is, evil that is.

When one is presented with the stereotypical Avon lady in the media, they are perky, spunky, polite, possibly obsequious and petite. Although petite, Evil ain't perky, not on her best day, nor obsequious. She proceeded to tell two of her best customers that shd did not give them the Mark catalog because they do not wear the scents or any makeup and the clothing selections only went up to XL. When one of the ladies protested, Evil pointed out now you know you ain't gonna get that big ol' arm up in no XL and don't let me talk about get that ass in there. And if you did get yourself in it, you'd better stay your ass up on the porch with that mess, fool.

Sure makes me want to run right up and buy me some Avon.

27 April 2008

Chip of the Month Club

Who knew?

http://www.anchorsfoodfinds.com/chipofthemonth.html

26 April 2008

Spring Fever

Periodically I get an energy surge that puts me on the active side of mischievous, as opposed to the just thinking about it side of mischievous. and yesterday I moseyed past a coworker who was enjoying a snooze. I was travelling with a friend at that point and she saw me whip out my phone, and thinking that I was going to snap a photo of sleeping beauty, she sprinted for the door trying desperately and failing to repress laughter. I didn't even think to snap a photo, I triggered my ring tone which as luck would have it is a snippet of the theme song from the movie, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, complete with rifle fire.

Yes, I guess I'm kinda evil.

23 April 2008

So

I skipped town last week to go visit my sister M and her kids C, M and Z. Her husband was out of town on business during my visit so I will have to visit and harass him some other time. They're in Newport RI these days and well, one of these days I'll post some photos. It's beautiful there.

So now I'm back and uncertain as to what kind of energy I'm giving off because people from my past are appearing. D called me up out of the clear blue to see if I wanted to reiki the horse of a friend of a friend... maybe, which tends to beg the not. R, a former coworker/minion turned up at work today and wow, that woman is still a freakin' rollercoaster ride. So I'm wondering who the 3rd blast will be. V who was my reiki student for a while, one or another of my former classmates from massage school. Oh and yeah, there's a 25 year reunion coming up for that Catholic Penal institution I graduated from back in the drunken day. Further updates as events or inanity warrant.

15 April 2008

Good Lord Ain't I Prolific?

So the homeowners association (or as I prefer to call it the homeowners ass.) arranged for powerwashing of the facades. Apparently, the powerwashes were quite diligent as I came home to backwash of the powerwash in my foyer. It's a good thing they didn't blow any slugs in here, I'd a been pissed.

Who Knew?

Again from AOL - Pretty in Pink

Although you may acquaint it with a bad case of the runs, Pepto-Bismol works double duty as a facial mask. Thrifty women looking for the benefits of a spa facial, apply the chalky pink substance to their face and let its salicylic acid, a great facial peel, do its duty. Some believe that Pepto may be even milder and gentler than most commercial salicylic products because the same ingredients that coats your tummy also coats the face.

I could segue into a smart anatomical remark say about tits and ass, but will refrain, cuz I'm classy like that.

I can't let go...

from AOL - Butt Really

Preparation H cream is marketed to treat hemorrhoids, but beauty queens have long used a tiny dab under the eyes to reduce bags and dark circles after a long night. One ingredient in Preparation H is shark liver oil, a folk remedy for skin conditions. In Canada, the cream is formulated with BioDyne, a yeast derivative thought to smooth wrinkles. However, the maker of Preparation H, states that the product is not to be applied on the face.

Yes, it fascinates and yes, I'm still looking for that answer about flavor. And having fed shark liver to the beasts in my house, I would fear the use of the big H on either my face or its intended locus. As Sharkbutt the cat has no qualms, none, about pawing open my mouth to peer inside for remnants of fish of any ilk, I cannot take the chance he'd be looking in any of my other girlish orifices.

Freakin' Taxes

I have not done my own taxes in years, instead entrusting them to my trusty friend Jim who does them with a swift diligence that impresses and amazes me. So I'd given him my assembled materials a week and a half ago, but he'd not been back to work having ended up in the hospital. I know the federales and the state owe me some coin so I flied my request for extension and Jim says they'll be done tomorrow.

NP.

Diligently Researched Tankless Water Heater

Ok, if I was running 1-800-clean-shit here, I could see getting a tankless water heater. But we're talking 4k and I just don't use enough hot water to warrant it. So we have a new tanked water heater, it's fabulous, water is hot and floor and more importantly ceilings are dry.

13 April 2008

Son of a ...

I am a recovering worry addict, back when I was an active worry addict my major household concern was the hot water heater (yes, I realize, it might ought to have been the propensity for leaving the house with a stove burner on, but I digress.) My concern about the hot water heater was such that I replaced it first thing upon moving here ten years ago. Since said hot water heater does not appear to be panned (have a drain pan beneath it, in order that it might drain into said pan instead of say the kitchen ceiling) my concern was that it let rip and flood me house. Well, the good news is that it didn't do that. The leakage was small and relatively minor but of course, I discover it after 9 oclock last night. So, had to drain hot water heater, which should have been the hard part and was not. And had to turn the water off to the HWH which should have been the easy part but was not.

So yes, I blathering about all this to put off the inevitable cold shower and duly researching the magic that is a tankless hot water heater.

31 March 2008

Good Thing, I'm Already Queen




You Should Rule Jupiter



Huge and hot, Jupiter is a quickly turning planet with short days and intense gravity.



You are perfect to rule Jupiter, because you are both dominant and kind.

You have great strength and confidence, but you never abuse your power.



You are always right. Even if you make mistakes, you compensate for them... before anyone knows it.

Headstrong and ambitious, you always have a goal in mind. You are optimistic and believe thing things will always work out.

Though Obviously Not Evil Enough

Where there be cats, there be hairballs. And often as I loll about in my recliner there is a cat perched just over my head. Last night that was downfall, I was merrily typing away at a blog posting that ended up on the wrong blog and Puppy the cat briskly horked what felt like a footlong hairball down my neck.

So the 64% Evil rating seems to not phase her one little bit. Goddamn it to hell.

How Evil Am I?




You Are 64% Evil



You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.

Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

29 March 2008

Different Kind of Meme

Saw variations of this on a few blogs. My year in blogging, one can take the first paragraph of one’s first or last blogposting of the month for the past year. So here we go:

February 2008
As I've no doubt recounted here a time or two, I was raised Catholic and am now Buddhist, took some vows a few years ago. And it's interesting to sometimes hear how complex theories get dumbed down for the mainstream. I heard karma described as 'that's Buddhist for I'm rubber, you're glue'.

January 2008
Most days my commute consists of a 100 mile round trip and I decided to use my time slightly more wisely by listening to books on cd. So today, I'm listening to Pema Chodron "From Fear to Fearlessness". She speaks of maitri - loving kindness meditation and compassion and how we are connected to all beings. I've been doing a variation on the compassion meditation for years (having taken vows and such it's all part of the deal). I've heard several people speak on the subject, read about, listened to various other Buddhist teachers on the subject and gone to Buddha camp. and each time I've caught the part about being compassionate with oneself but it never really quite sunk in until today.

December 2007
I have been coughing up a lung for the better part of the last 10 days. And loath as I am to venture into a doc's office with the other germ spreaders (actually started into the doc in the box the other night but someone was vomicking into a waste can and I said to myself, "self, this here hack is not so bad", so I kept right on stepping.) Anyway, I hadn't previously realized that the antihistamines I take to keep the everyday allergens at bay (ya know, like the 3 cats) actually dry matters out so that I end up with this persistent evil cough. So, I've knocked off the friggin' antihistamines and the cough is dissipating finally. Yay!

November 2007
In a recent conversation with my friend S, we happened upon the topic of business casual. In her world, which is necessarily more formal than my world, business casual is casual clothing appropriate for business. In my world, business casual simply means your business is covered up, and when people come to work with their business showing we send people home.

October 2007
This one was entitled Epithets I’ve used more than once today.
Fucking moron
Quasi-literate sparrow fart
Living Proof that Evil and Moronic Can Peacefully Coexist
Fucking Idiot
Raving Douchebag
World's Only Living Brain Donor
Fucking Loon
Fartface
(This suggests what I’ve always suspected was true, I’m a foul mouthed relic with an extremely vivid vocabulary.)

September 2007
I sometimes get twisted up by mindfulness and my lack thereof, and then the even less mindful folk I'm often surrounded by, remind me that I'm not meant to get it all perfectly right. I just need to pay attention but if I pay too close attention I will lose my mind.

August 2007
While I am quite fluent in English, having spoken it all my life, I consider my native tongue to be Douchebag. Douchebag is a lot like English yet far more profane. Even when the preface douchebag is unuttered it is implied and at work it seldom remains unuttered these days.


July 2007
I have spent 23 years of the 46 working at the same place. 15 at the same job.
Spent 21 years, 10 months of it sober (some at the beginning, oddly more in the current phase of me life).




June 2007
Today is the 9th anniversary of Puppy the cat having adopted me. She was a grown cat at the time so I'm not sure of her age or date of birth but I am sure of what day she came home with me. So for the sentimental jackass part, to celebrate I ventured to Wegman's for a half pound of tuna (yellowfin, $21.99 lb. But it gets worse, I fire up the charcoal grill wait for the coals to become grey and hot for searing (but not too much because the cats don't like it) and grilled the tuna, sprayed with PAM for the grill but otherwise as is. No garlic, no lemon, no pepper no nothing. When it was done, I split it and seasoned mine and we sang happy birthday to Puppy(ok, so I sang and the other 2 just looked) and chowed on grilled tuna fish. It was lovely but I am a sentimental ass.

May 2007
My friend J and I were chatting via email and she asked me what animal does she bring to mind. Hers is a very leonine energy, coupled with a hawkish awareness and vigilance. So I said a lion hawk if there was such an animal. When I asked her what she thought I might embody, she said a wolf. Because, I'm a loner when I choose to be, social when I choose to be and mysterious. I can work with that.

April 2007
Got home at midnight on Friday, noticed a missive from the IRS in the mail, the were merely explaining that my serial killer like handwriting precluded them from reading my banking info to direct deposit my refund. If you've got to get mail from the IRS or the initials as I fondly refer to them, that's the kind to get.

March 2007
Wireless networking should be idiot proof for an ably accomplished idiot such as my self and my even more ably accomplished idiot friend but nooooooooooooooooooooooo..... Goddamn router.

26 March 2008

Follow up to Why

Preparation H Ointment: Each tube contains: yeast as a live cell derivative (Bio-Dyne: Skin Respiratory Factor) 1% and shark liver oil 3%. Nonmedicinal ingredients: chlorhexidine gluconate, falba, flavor, lanolin, mineral oil and petrolatum. Tubes of 25, 50 and 75 g

No specifics to be gained aside from flavor. I'm guessing the shark liver oil is more zesty with a nice lemony flavor but we may not ever know.

Now my curiosity is turned to the possibility that one of the inert ingredients in Monistat -Magnesium Aluminum Silicate - is an active ingredient in road flares. Gives a whole sassy new meaning to come on baby light my fire, doesn't it?

F^ck, F&ck, F*ck

I did it again and don't even have the freakin' codeine as an excuse. I had a brief interlude before my torturer appointment to have some supper. So I fired up a skillet to heat some chicken, pasta and vodka sauce and didn't get it turned off until I returned from my appointment 90 minutes later. Obviously, I'm not suffering from any kind of obsessive disorders, but shit this inattentiveness ain't good.

20 March 2008

Why?

Is there a flavoring agent in Preparation H?

19 March 2008

The Times They Are a Changin'

I ventured to Costco today, and if one is familiar with Costco, one knows that the witching hours for free samples run from about 1130 or so until about 3 or so. And the selections generally vary among food groups. Not food pyramid food groups mind you, but beverages, snacks, meat, dessert and a cleaning product. So today we had quite the selection - the nearly ubiquitous chicken product - on this day a nugget in the shape of a dinosaur. Irish cheese that was priced to move post the day of St. Patrick, some deep fried turkey loaf, some kind of mango salsa-whole wheat pasta situation and lamb. I come from the school of thought that sheep make nice sweaters not such a nice entree, and well, lamb always seemed to run on the high end of edibles. I shot off a text message to the mothership, who seemed somewhat doubtful that what I report was indeed true and now I could kick myself for not having snapped a photo of the sheep offering.

18 March 2008

Ponderings

Every now and then the 'defense of marriage crowd' gets their collective panties in a bunch about gay marriage and I wonder why it is they carry on so vociferously about gay marriage but don't make nearly as much noise about the liberalization of the divorce laws. And then we see the legally married folks in the news like your Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, your Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee or Kid Rock or whoever else. And what is it precisely that marriage is being protected from? And I could venture down the road of Michael Jackson and the party with whom he managed to reproduce. And I think you churchy motherfuckers need to pull your heads out of your asses one ear at a time and get real. It ain't the people who are fighting for the rights you take for granted that you need to protect marriage from. It's the morons who need a hundred dollars, a blood test and a coupla witnesses on a drunken tear in Vegas. And really it's the kids that need to be protected from marriage. See Brown, Nixmary, for starters.

I do understand that many in the Judeo Christian tradition find marriage to be a religious experience, Buddhists do not. It is an earthly pursuit and whether it is earthly or a religious pursuit, part of the point of it was the protection of kids. So maybe, just maybe society could work on that.

17 March 2008

Random Stuff

As no doubt shocks you, I come from a long, long line of what in polite company is often referred to as smart alecks. Last night I was out for dinner with the parental units a/k/a Lil and Rupe and the youngest sister a/k/a Boog. We were dining in a small family owned and operated restaurant as my parents have dined with fair regularity for probably close to 30 years. And by fair regularity I mean weekly, but alas I digress. So one of our fellow patrons at an adjacent table is on the cell phone and Rupe and I find it hard to resist answering the questions she is asking of the party on the other side of the phone call (and by the way, she's initiating thhe phone calls... tacky) so at a point she says to her conversant, 'so are you alright?' My retort is I'm a tattooed bliss kitten, with a killer rack and an ass that won't quit. Rupe and Boog inhale their respective sips of beverage before choking with laughter. Lil doesn't hear me so I have to repeat myself, of course, this is the time when the background music fades to silence, so the other 10 people in the restaurant hear this revelation about me in all its descriptive glory to my motherships everlasting horror.

Speaking of everlasting horror, do you think former governor McGreevey and his estranged wife were expecting to be outted on the front page of the NY Post? And is it too too much to ask that their daughter be spared any of this at all?

14 March 2008

Gratitude

Seems to me I ought to express gratitude to the univers more often than I do so here we go.

I'm grateful for my the lovely Miss S and her J. I'm grateful for my friends and family making up all the gradations of that scale that goes from nuts to not. I'm way grateful that the only time I've ever been client #9 of anything was when I got to the deli counter when they were still taking the last of the single digit numbers. I'm grateful for my job and all the things - tangible and not it brings to my life. Including but not limited to my alter ego - Laqueetah - evil attitudinal minion par excellence.

Now if you read that there last post prior to this one, it's rather obvious that I do harbor some discontent with the world as it is. The world being so fraught with pitfalls for children (see Brown, Nixmary - as awful as that situation is) the sex abuse scandal mentioned in previous posts. That nutbag Eliot Spitzer, can we get a big ol' and what the fuck were you thinking for him? And I could of course, go on and on ad nauseum. But I won't. Takes more energy than it's worth and it's energy that I can and will use to put good energy out into the universe. I have done a whole ass load of praying over the last 40 odd years, hell I could pray before I could read. And while I have questions in my mind as to the extent to which my prayers may or may not have helped improve anything, I know they sure didn't hurt. So, I hardly ever pray in Latin anymore, usually a mixture of Tibetan and English. And much of it is chanting which just melts my butter for reasons I can even describe but it doesn't hurt (well maybe the cats ears) and it might help.

10 March 2008

New Deadly Sins

Please be advised that the article linked to below has set me off:

CNN Wayoflife

This here quote has me off for starters. "Girotti said the Catholic Church continued to be concerned by other sinful acts, including abortion and pedophilia.

He said Church authorities had reacted with rigorous measures to child abuse scandals within the clergy, but
he also claimed that the issue had been excessively emphasized by the media.
Emphasis mine.

Over the past 50 odd years 14,000 people filed complaints that they were abused by clergy and abuse related costs reached $2.3 billion. ( Clergy Sex Abuse Payouts Nearly Double). So it seems to me that the issue was inadequately emphasized by the media. One assumes the dollar amount quoted above is simply quantifying the amount paid to defend these claims and the attempts to pay damages to the victims. There is no earthly way to compute a dollar value on the kind of damage done to these victims.

Here's what I think, hell is going to have reserved seating, next to the furnace for the perpetrators and enablers of this abuse. If 14,000 people have filed claims then at least 140,000 people were abused by these holier than thou pedophile scum sucking, god licking whorebot priests and those unconscionable cowardly cretins that looked the other way, ignored the complaints, transferred the priest to an unsuspecting parish without warning them about the rumors, turned its back on the poor abused kid.

So this has bankrupted some dioceses - good, it's about damned time. I hope it bankrupts the Vatican. For this overblown overeducated sparrow fart of a Pope to accuse the media of having made too much of this travesty of church enabled abuse is indicative of the ongoing cluelessness of the Catholic Church and just how extinct it needs to be.

Having completed the vast majority of my formal education at Catholic Schools I believe I'm uniquely qualified to type this quote yet again: IF God is so smart, why doesn't he hire better help?

I found this bit of info fascinating as well.

A recent survey said that 60 percent of Italian Catholics do not go to confession.

Traditionally the Catholic church has had a list of seven deadly sins, that of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride established by Pope Gregory the Great in the 6th century.

The terms entered the popular vocabulary after the publication of Dante's "Divine Comedy."

The deadly sins are in contrast with venial sins - relatively minor sins that can be forgiven.

A person that commits a mortal sin risks burning in hell unless absolved through confession and penitence.

Now the Vatican says it is time to modernize the list to fit a global world.

I've got a news flash for them, as bad as it is to commit these sins that affect a global community, pedophilia transcends that because it puts the victim into a hell from which death is the only escape.

29 February 2008

Inanity

As I've no doubt recounted here a time or two, I was raised Catholic and am now Buddhist, took some vows a few years ago. And it's interesing to sometimes here how complex theories get dumbed down for the mainstream. I heard karma described as 'that's Buddhist for I'm rubber, you're glue'.

28 February 2008

Search And Destroy

Well, I was feeling energetic upon my arrival home from work today and set forth with my trusty black light and my $25 spray can of anti-cat-funk and sprayed all the hotspots on the carpet which aside from the 3 piles of hurl included several unknown stains that glowed brightly in the luminescence of the black light. So I sprayed and sprayed and whilst I'm not quite sure what sort of solventy type, air plane glue scent we're all inhaling here, we're inhaling plenty of it. And someone rolled in it and had to be rinsed. He was not pleased. I'm certain he will discuss it on his blog.

19 February 2008

Down Dog

It would seem I've got a spot of tendonitis in my left infraspinatus tendon and that whole rotator cuff is a bit of a train wreck. I was reading the motherships Yoga Journal today in which it suggested if you could externally rotate your shoulders whilst executing the downward facing dog pose you could strenghten the infraspinati and supraspinati and the other li'l devils that make up the rotator cuff. The trick being that one does not excessively externally rotate these puppies lest one pop the head of the humerus out of the shoulder girdle like it belonged to a Barbie doll or something.

As I am an adventurous kind of gal, I will be whipping out the old yoga mat and giving this a test drive. And so long as I don't fuck up my shoulders I'll report how it goes.

So...

I've been off the codeine for a week and holy shit, it's like I'm a different person. Note to self - opiates=depressants and really, we need no additional help. I harbor no illusions of me being an energetic soul on my very best of days. But it's almost as if I didn't get out of this friggin' recliner to do anything but work, eat, sleep and get tortured. And occasionally clean a cat box for the better part of 2 months. This is a road I've been on before and as I described in the episode where our heroine leaves the house with a stove burner on, I needed to pull my head out of my ass quick like. So now it is out. And that's better. And maybe now I'll get my damn taxes done.

18 February 2008

Another Meme Deal

Saw this on Shazza's blog and as I'm not coherent enough for original thought right now, here we go.

Where is your cell phone? In my pocket

Vehicle? Pickup truck

Hair? Yes, it's brown with some blonde stripeys in it.

Father? Nope, Foodchik, but yes I have one. He is also tall, blue eyed and snarky.

Your favorite thing? My WTF magnets

Dream last night? not that I recall

Favorite drink? Water

Room you are in? We just call it downstairs here.

Your ex? brilliant, funny, awash in irony.

You are? Tall, blue eyed, snarky

What do you want to be in ten years? Debt free and comfortable, and working as a massage therapist specializing in babies (easier on the hands)

Who did you hang out with today? catz

What you're not? suffering fools gladly.

Muffins? duh.

One of your wish list items? I had more free time and was less chaotic

Where is the ____? remote. somewhere.

The last thing you did? Read about new book Soprano State and ordered it from amazon

What are you wearing? sedona tshirt, black and multicolor printed fish sarong and hiking boots. Glamour is my middle name.

?

Your pet(s)? 3 cats and some shit in the refrigerator that'd come to life if I let it come to room temp.

Your computer? Dell

Your life? It's an adventure.

Your mood? loopy.

Missing? sassafrasmama

What are you thinking about right now? sassafrasmama, coffee, socks would have been a warmer idea.

Your shoes? hiking boots

Your work? I am a full time professional minion.

Your summer? summery

Your favorite colour? Indigo

15 February 2008

Happy Belated Valentine's Day

Yes, I realize it's the ides of February already, and well, I spent the big day yesterday, working and then getting my hair did. Siiiiigh, I am turning into high maintenance girl after having spent my life as no maintenance girl. Anyway, I spent last Saturday happily celebrating the Day of the Valentine with the lovely Sassafras Mama. And it was grand and most delightful.

Tonight, I spent hosting a Reiki Circle, as I do the third Friday of most months. Reiki is a hands on healing modality and at the circles we generally talk about what Reiki is and why people do it and might like to receive it and so forth. And what it all boils down to is unconditional love. Sometimes absolute strangers walk into the room and after we've spoken about Reiki, offer an explanation, and a guided meditation and hands on reiki, they often talk excitedly about what they felt and are curious about what it means. And they keep coming back.

12 February 2008

Fresh Hell Damn, I Scare Me

My Uncle Jim used to say it's better to be lucky than good. Uncle Jim had a lot of choice sayings but that will be a subject for another day. I made a pot of chili today, commenced making it about 1045am (this becomes important later), it has to simmer for about an hour after the meat has been browned and so forth. So let's say it was done at noon. I put it into containers in the fridge. And went upstairs to shower and meet the 'rents for lunch. Come back from lunch and decide it's time to nap. Take a look at the chili pot and think this needs some soapy water in it. And went up for my nap. Came back down from the nap and went into the kitchen for some ice water and notice that the burner flame is still on under the chili pot. Yes, 6 hours later and I'd left the house. How lucky am I that my house didn't burn down? Pretty freakin' lucky.

09 February 2008

Random Ponderings

There is so much astir in the world today, war in Iraq and Afghanistan, breathtaking incompetence in Washington and Trenton, presidential campaigns and most of my focus and energy remains (as it has for the past year) on cat pee. Deep background, I have 3 cats, they were all adopted out of 'strayhood' Puppy D was first among the cats that chose me to be her foodchik and I have served as such for nearly 10 years. Stripe J was the second, I got him as a 2lb 6 week old kitten and now he is an 18lb 8 year old menace with urinary tract issues. Sharkbutt came to me as a 12 week old 5 lb kitten and he's been around for 3 years. So Puppy D and Sharkbutt are (knockwood) bomb proof. Every once in a while we get a little hairball action and that's that.

Stripe is a whole 'nother story. One fine summer afternoon I came home to find him on his back penis distended unable to get up. I said to myself, self, this is not bad. Especially he was panting and not in a way that one necessarily associates with a distended penis. So I crated him off to the cat ER where it was determined his ureter was blocked. He stayed in for 4 days and $800 and 2 chewed catheters and 3 baths later he came home. Last winter I came home to not be able to find Stripe, normally Stripe would be more aptly named Suppository because he is always up my ass. So I go in search of himself, hear him yowling and stuck on his back with penis distended and we whirl off to the cat ER, 1 week and 2 grand later he comes home with prescription food and me with a twitch.

So now, I'm fiendish in my observation of his behavior, too much grooming of the nethers puts me into a state of heightened awareness, as does any kind of yowling. In addition to the prescription foods, he's also on cat gatorade which would be more familiar to you as chicken broth.

With all the unrest in the world today, I'm kind of grateful that my main consuming worry is Stripe and the mystery of can he pee.

07 February 2008

Zicam Is the Shizzizzle

For some reason, this winter has plagued me with 3, count them 3 head colds. I hate head colds. It's not unusual for me to get one a year but 3 and it's only the first week in February is a bit extreme. I had been taking an assortment of herbal cold remedies and immune booster deals. Olive leaf extract being a key ingredient, in addition to the vitamin C. Vitamin C and I have a very challenging relationship but more on that later. When I came home from work on Tuesday the onset of the cold was sudden and throat grabbing. I was a desperate girl, so I followed the directions and shot Zicam up my nostrils q 2 hrs as advised (somewhere online not in the accompanying literature) and today, 2 days later, it's almost gone. I've still got a little hoarseness. But everything else is gone including the earache. This rocks!

Zicam is fabulous!

02 February 2008

Fish and the Lion

I have 3 siblings (and yes, technically they are all younger, technically as a matter of dates on birth certificates, however; 2 of them have offspring which cranks them up there in the age book) Their birthdays all fall within the 10 day period from 31 January to 9 February. And gasp.... my baby sister a/k/a Boog is turning 40. I enjoyed when I turned 40, but am having an issue or two about her crossing of the great divide.

So the family I grew up in consisted of 3 Aquarians, 1 Aries (popsicle) and 2 Leos (the mothership and me). It made/makes for an interesting mix of personalities and so forth, although I suspect that is more a function of being nurtured to be at least partly smartassed most days.

So happiest of birthdays to all of you all.

29 January 2008

Books On CD

Most days my commute consists of a 100 mile round trip and I decided to use my time slightly more wisely by listening to books on cd. So today, I'm listening to Pema Chodron "From Fear to Fearlessness". She speaks of maitri - loving kindness meditation and compassion and how we are connected to all beings. I've been doing a variation on the compassion meditation for years (having taken vows and such it's all part of the deal). I've heard several people speak on the subject, read about, listened to various other Buddhist teachers on the subject and gone to Buddha camp. and each time I've caught the part about being compassionate with oneself but it never really quite sunk in until today.

A little backstory, I'm a sober alcoholic. It's been 22 years, 4 month and 6 days, but who is counting? I'd spent much of the last 6 weeks getting over a couple of cold and the cough that wouldn't leave. And for coughing, I can take cough drops or I can take a cough preparation with codeine (no dextromethorpan because it can interact way badly with something I take for my knees). Now, the advantage to codeine is that I sleep like a rock, this disadvantage - now that I've stopped coughing it is time to stop the codeine which I did Sunday night. And I've not slept more than 2 consecutive hours in the interim. So I'm frustrated with myself and irritable that I am having trouble sleeping again. Very frustrated, very irritable. So here is where the being compassionate with myself comes in, let go of my expectation that I'm either going to or not going to sleep. Breathe and if sleep doesn't come - chant to myself 'may I know happiness and the root of happiness.' And just be with that.

18 January 2008

The View From Work

My workspace is surrounded by various calendars and schedules and data, live data, test data and all the fodder of the bureaucracy in which I work. There are pictures of my folks, my cats and nieces and nephews. And there's a strategically placed drawing which catches my eye every time I look away from my computer monitor. My friend JT made it for me, it's a picture of his mama and him, his cats and some snow men. I love that he made it especially for me, and I love that everyone in it is smiling at me.

14 January 2008

And my favorite color today

would seem to be crazy. Good gracious. My friend and torturer P lost her father last week and the family held a memorial gathering today. I've known P for a number of years and since her mom is the office manager for the office o' torture, I know her too. When I worked my way through the rather long line to get to P and her mom and bro and sis, I could barely speak without becoming emotional. And I'm thinking to myself, 'self, wtf?'. It is not uncommon for me to become emotional at such gatherings, the energy is always quite sad, I'm apparently way too empathic or insane for my own damned good. Maybe when I'm an old lady I can hire out. But for now, I just feel badly for my friends.

12 January 2008

Government Insanity

I may have mentioned before about the massage therapy licensure act that was pending in the Legislature. And I may have mentioned before that maybe, just maybe the state ought to enforce the prostitution laws or legalize that and tax it. Hello! So the bill has passed both houses of the lege here and has been dispatched to the gov for his signature (or not).

As an employee of the gubmint, I have to disclose any professional licenses issued by the state that I hold, ya know, to alleviate concerns about ethics because massage therapy and evil minion-dom go fist in glove. Really, it's my fucking ethics anyone needs to worry about? I didn't go to the Christmas party that the building management threw and I do not take any free pens away from the meetings with the bank we use that I have to attend. The attempts at ethics reforms here are pitiful and a joke.

08 January 2008

Spring Time in January

Wow, it is beautiful out and I'm loving it. Hope you are too.

Thought Provoking

And heaven knows I hate to think but this was rather amazing...


http://www.oprah.com/videochannel/videochannel_player.jhtml?video=1178&category=31

This link is to an Oprah Site that shows a ten minute, very inspirational lecture from a dying professor. It has a mind blowing message and is well worth watching.

05 January 2008

Energy Follows Attention

Ok, confession time, I have what is often euphemistically referred to as a New Age flaky side. While I don't find it to be particularly New Agey myself, I can see where people might find it easiest to categorize it that way. But I shall elaborate, I'm a convert to Buddhism, have taken vows and really attempt to live in accordance with Buddhist precepts. In some aspects of my life, my attention has fallen away a bit and for the new year I've essentially resolved to pull my head out and get more on track.

So in this attempt to get more on track, I listened to a CD of Caroline Myss (lecturer, medical intuitive, theologian and red hot trip) on my way home last evening, she was speaking to the Bristol Cancer Care group about healing and ways in which people can or cannot heal our selves. And drew the distinction between the healing of the body and the healing of the spirit, and how both require recalling our energy from wherever we divert it to that it does not belong. In essence, if we continue to invest our day to day spiritual energy in something from our past that cannot be changed, we are leaking energy. Leaks in our energetic system cause disease. And recalling our energy often requires forgiveness. This is the upshot anyway, Dr. Myss is quite conversant in the language of the mystic and so forth.

Her lecture caused me to recall how much energy I've expended in hatred, and anger and not forgiving and how much energy I gained when I was finally able to let go. I was about 40 and have discussed the process elsewhere in the blog. But the most telling thing about the process for me was that I started to look younger and I still do. Because I don't look haunted any longer, and I'm not because I was able to let go of so much of the energy vampiring I was doing to myself.

So in my quest for self improvement, I was again reminded of just how far I've come and this is a beautiful, beautiful thing.