How I spend my Wednesday Nights part 2

Todays adventure included the magical rubber bands and ankle weights attached to my hooves. Somewhere in there we tried to get my heel to touch my butt and it doesn't, and I'm guessing it won't. Then we did bench presses alternating with close grip lat pulldowns. Oh and I got to play catch with a medicine ball while doing crunches.

Good times.

Somedays

I swear this job is stealing IQ points from me. I listened to a conversation today about facial wrinkles and the types of unguents on the market to fight wrinkles. T has quite a wrinkle between her eyes, and has tried masking it with makeup, a la spackle, she's also tried a facial product that she was allergic to, then someone offered her butt lift cream. So we shall see if butt lift cream helps her face at all and if it does, I'll try it myself.

Things about cats

1. Awakening to the dulcet tones of a cat puking.
2. Having to chase the recently puking cat so he or she does not get his face in my cereal.
3. Awakening to the dulcet tones of cats fighting.
4. Trying to hear a phone conversation over a cat fight.
5. Stepping in fresh, hot cat hurl
6. Stepping in stale, cold cat hurl.
7. Cleaning out the cat box. 'nuf said.
8. Smelling the wet cat food.
9. Being awakened by a cat stomping on my bladder.
10. Cat farts.

Ritual

I must pack up my black suit, black shoes and traipse to a funeral later. My father's brother died (didn't we do this already? yes, but that was the oldest one.) He was my godfather and that makes for an interesting relationship. Not good, not bad just interesting. Can't say I ever went to him for spiritual guidance but when I saw him in August we bonded over our great affection for Sedona.

I'm resistant to attend this one, but I will because I can't quite imagine what it's like to lose all your siblings within a 3 month stretch. I know that would send me way near the edge, hell, it would send me way near the edge to lose one of them.

This will be, not surprisingly for this crowd, a funeral mass - Catholic. And there's to be an commitment ceremony (for his cremains, we're not mixing rituals here) but I'm going to miss that and just be there for the mass a/k/a church. If it takes place in a church - I just call it church or if it's annoying to me church fucking church. There was a time when I thought I wanted to be a nun. Brief time, because well there's the whole sex thing, and the whole Catholic thing. Overtime the Catholic thing lapsed to the point where I took vows as a Buddhist. Vows that include one about engaging in responsible sexual behavior. But hey, that works for me. Swearing it off entirely would not.

So I start off talking about a dirt nap and end with sex. Kind of the reverse of how it works for us getting here, huh?

When someone passes, Buddhists will pray and offer sacrifices (water, incense, flowers, fruit) for an easy Bardo, transition into the next phase, whatever phase that might be. And so I have offered the prayers and so forth and hopefully the Bardo will be easy for him. But I know the transition into life without B will be in many ways harder for those he left behind so I offer prayers and good energy for them too.

Happy trails, B.

J the Torturer or How I Spend Wednesday Night

I've worked with peronal trainers intermittently over the past 15 years. But about 2 years ago I found a world class trainer known as JTT (or J the torturer). We do some fun stuff. Todays adventure involved tug o' war between J, a giant rubber band and my butt, not for the faint of heart. Also, a collection of 3 giant rubber bands clipped to a manacle on my leg. We also do stretches and different kinds of upper body work.

The Wonders of Biology

There are certain biochemical phenomena that have been taking place within me monthly since I was 12. And to not put too fine a point on it I get nuts, stark staring, jumping out of my skin nuts and then in the hours leading up to the big event I find that I'm exhausted. As in, I could sleep standing up or while giving a massage (I've done it.)

I'm just curious as to if I'm exhausted from the energy devoted to being nuts whilst trying not to let it show, or if I'm just exhausted.

Hmm, wonder if I can patent this

If you've read other posts it will not surprise you to know that I have cats, 3 of them and just dropped a bundle on the artist known as Big Stripey. So in my infinitely twisted sense of balance and the rightness of things, I've decided that the four of us need to exercise. My latest exercise kick is a Latin Dance DVD by the good folk at Crunch Fitness. To involve the wildlife in this I've taken to fixing a stringed toy to my belt so it dangles and they can chase it. Yes, while I'm trying to figure out the difference between a samba step and a chacha. It keeps us all hopping and as we always said when I was growing up, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Grand

Both my grandfathers were born in January. One in 1892 and one in 1899. They each lived to ripe old ages - 103 and 96 respectively. They were such gentle souls and always over flowing with kindness toward me and my siblings and I still miss them a great deal even though they each delocalized over 10 years ago. I still think of them a great deal but especially in January, when we'd have celebrated their birthdays with dinner and cake and so forth.

My maternal grandfather had a deep rumbly voice but it was always gentle at least when directed at any of us. He was a great one for exercise so when we would visit we would go for walks to get the newspapers, mornings and afternoons. And should we encounter any dogs on the way he would give them a 'little woof-woof'. These would invariably be massive dogs, and they would respond with a woof woof right back and come over for a sniff and a scratch of the ears. And then my grand would laugh, then we'd be on to the next collection of dogs.

My paternal grandfather had a fairly soft voice, a quick wit and an intrinsic sense of the healing powers of chocolate. When he lived with us I spent a lot of time with him, probably because he never yelled. And I'm all about no yelling.

More Overheard at Work

Oh fresh hell, for the last 10 minutes I’ve been listening to a blistering diatribe on the part of one of my staff that another of my staff (who, by the way was kind enough to bring in doughnuts yesterday) should have known that she likes a coconut doughnut, and not a crème doughnut as D was led to believe. I’m all for stating a preference, but let it go, just let it go. Now, two others are being dragged into the fray. This is turning into a epic discussion, both long and inane. Somedays supervising this crew reminds me of being the oldest of 4, except in this instance I am younger than all but one of the characters involved in the discussion.

Another interesting aspect of the day, had one of this collection of characters hand me a pension check and say this needs to be reversed, this person is deadmentation. Hmmm, there's not much that cannot be effectively characterized by throwing the suffix mentation on it.

Oh and of course, I had one of those phone calls that started with I spoke to you last Monday (well, you didn't because I wasn't in), do you remember me? (from the approximately 400 people I speak to on the phone a week? uh, no.) You were gonna send me a check (wait, like I do for 50,000 other people, how about a name babe?) Mary Smith (may I have your retirement number?) What's that? (how about your social security number?) I don't have that with me. (I only have 400 Mary Smiths) Oh, honey I don't know. (don't honey me, fool. where did you retire from?) GE. (this is government, if you did not work for a governmental agency, I cannot help you, bye, bye now)

The Return of the Beast

Apparently, the beast returned from the hospital smelling of hospital so he had two days of the other cats snarling at him until I gave him a swipe with me bathtowel and now he smells like me. At least they're not snarling any more. They seem to be happy he's back.

Homecoming

Stripe J is back! Yay!!!!! Thanks to S and JT who took me to fetch him and helped me spirit him and all his new food home. Aside from trips for a snack or to the box Stripe J has been occupying space within 6 inches of me since his return. He was apparently a very good boy at the hospital and everyone who knew of him spoke highly of him to me. And when his personality changed, they knew he was sick again.

To recap, Monday his urethra blocked and he was unable to pee and in pain. So at 1045pm I whisked him off to the cat er. They unblocked him and kept him for the night, with the plan being to run water in and out of his bladder through the 2nd catheter placed for him. (he chewed through cath#1) The catheter was removed after 24 hours and he reblocked shortly after that. So he was recathed, and that blocked and there was some talk of surgical interventions. Cystotomy to scrape the crystals causing the blockages out of his bladder and PU surgery which is from what I understand amputating part of his penis to widen the opening so he can pee more readily. Fortuitously, it never came to that and now he's on RX food to dissolve the crystals in his bladder. And there we are.

Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit

Stripe J was quite scarce yesterday and I thought not a lot of it. Until I went looking for him at bedtime and heard him essentially scream in pain. So I grabbed a crate, grabbed him and off we went to the cat ER again. And as it turns out he was blocked and could not pee and was in pretty tough shape. They had to catheterize him. And he pulled it out so they had to catheterize him again. So now he pees and since he's feeling better, he's turned into his love sponge self and apparently was concerning himself with being pet and held. So hopefully he'll get out of stir tomorrow and we'll make another set of dietary adjustments.

Hey Aaaaaaabbottttttttttttttttttt

Yes, a facetious reference to the famed Abbott and Costello. The parental units and the sister are travelling this weekend. They are currently visiting a museum and the parents have misplaced the sister and are now in the gift shop. (BTW the sister will never see 30 again, just so we're clear on the players.) I know all this because the mothership phoned me and asked me to call the child's Blackberry to relay the gift shop locale because she cannot raise the child on her cell phone and doesn't have the crackberry phone number. I tell her I don't have the phone number either I will email her. So I do that and I text her, for good measure. She texts me back and when I go to phone the mothership to relay that the prodigal has been found, her phone is off.

I Missed Some Intense Ritual in the 'hood

They buried President Ford today and at the army base across the street from my house they performed a 50 gun salute at 5pm and a 21 gun salute at noon. Or so I'm told and so the stuff that fell off the walls tells me.

Fun.

Vomick!

There are certain things that one can count on to be true in life, where there’s smoke there’s fire, where there’s cabbage, there’s likely to be flatulence and where there’s cats, there’s hurl.

I step in puke fairly often as I have 3 cats and 2 of them vomit with seemingly very little impetus. Now Sharkbutt has joined the party since I step in a fresh, hot spot of hurl this morning. It was a bonding moment for us. Well, not really but there was a dance on my part and I sang the son of a bitch song.

Gratitude

All through my Reiki training, the Reiki masters I trained with were very careful and consistent to remind us to be grateful... to the universe for the lessons it brings to us, to the friends we have that teach us and nurture us, for the people who irk the living shit out of us and the lessons they bring, and to ourselves for being open to the experiences, realizing the learning opportunities.

So thank you and thank me.

Happy New Year!

May all beings know happiness and the source of happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings never be parted from the happiness that has no suffering.
May all beings abide in equanimity without attachment or aversion to near or far.

Watching Someone Else's Trainwreck

I'm watching Glen Beck interview Danny Bonaduce and they're talking about what a trainwreck of substance abuse Bonaduce's life has been. I'd seen parts of this interview one time previously. Apparently, there was a reality show Breaking Bonaduce made of it. I've done the trainwreck thing, although I really only did about 6 years of it before I decided to stop. And aside from alcohol did not encounter any substances worth abusing, the happy news there of course, being had I enjoyed any of my encounters with any other substances I'd be dead or heaven forbid have killed someone else.

Beck asks Bonaduce if he'd want his daughter to marry someone like him, and he said no, but that it's a step up because there was a time when he didn't want his daughter raised by someone like him. That struck me because as I worked through all my shit, I thought I would be an absolutely incompetent parent. And now, I realize I'd likely be able to do it well from a place of a certain amount of semi-enlightenment.