Books On CD

Most days my commute consists of a 100 mile round trip and I decided to use my time slightly more wisely by listening to books on cd. So today, I'm listening to Pema Chodron "From Fear to Fearlessness". She speaks of maitri - loving kindness meditation and compassion and how we are connected to all beings. I've been doing a variation on the compassion meditation for years (having taken vows and such it's all part of the deal). I've heard several people speak on the subject, read about, listened to various other Buddhist teachers on the subject and gone to Buddha camp. and each time I've caught the part about being compassionate with oneself but it never really quite sunk in until today.

A little backstory, I'm a sober alcoholic. It's been 22 years, 4 month and 6 days, but who is counting? I'd spent much of the last 6 weeks getting over a couple of cold and the cough that wouldn't leave. And for coughing, I can take cough drops or I can take a cough preparation with codeine (no dextromethorpan because it can interact way badly with something I take for my knees). Now, the advantage to codeine is that I sleep like a rock, this disadvantage - now that I've stopped coughing it is time to stop the codeine which I did Sunday night. And I've not slept more than 2 consecutive hours in the interim. So I'm frustrated with myself and irritable that I am having trouble sleeping again. Very frustrated, very irritable. So here is where the being compassionate with myself comes in, let go of my expectation that I'm either going to or not going to sleep. Breathe and if sleep doesn't come - chant to myself 'may I know happiness and the root of happiness.' And just be with that.

The View From Work

My workspace is surrounded by various calendars and schedules and data, live data, test data and all the fodder of the bureaucracy in which I work. There are pictures of my folks, my cats and nieces and nephews. And there's a strategically placed drawing which catches my eye every time I look away from my computer monitor. My friend JT made it for me, it's a picture of his mama and him, his cats and some snow men. I love that he made it especially for me, and I love that everyone in it is smiling at me.

And my favorite color today

would seem to be crazy. Good gracious. My friend and torturer P lost her father last week and the family held a memorial gathering today. I've known P for a number of years and since her mom is the office manager for the office o' torture, I know her too. When I worked my way through the rather long line to get to P and her mom and bro and sis, I could barely speak without becoming emotional. And I'm thinking to myself, 'self, wtf?'. It is not uncommon for me to become emotional at such gatherings, the energy is always quite sad, I'm apparently way too empathic or insane for my own damned good. Maybe when I'm an old lady I can hire out. But for now, I just feel badly for my friends.

Government Insanity

I may have mentioned before about the massage therapy licensure act that was pending in the Legislature. And I may have mentioned before that maybe, just maybe the state ought to enforce the prostitution laws or legalize that and tax it. Hello! So the bill has passed both houses of the lege here and has been dispatched to the gov for his signature (or not).

As an employee of the gubmint, I have to disclose any professional licenses issued by the state that I hold, ya know, to alleviate concerns about ethics because massage therapy and evil minion-dom go fist in glove. Really, it's my fucking ethics anyone needs to worry about? I didn't go to the Christmas party that the building management threw and I do not take any free pens away from the meetings with the bank we use that I have to attend. The attempts at ethics reforms here are pitiful and a joke.

Spring Time in January

Wow, it is beautiful out and I'm loving it. Hope you are too.

Thought Provoking

And heaven knows I hate to think but this was rather amazing...


http://www.oprah.com/videochannel/videochannel_player.jhtml?video=1178&category=31

This link is to an Oprah Site that shows a ten minute, very inspirational lecture from a dying professor. It has a mind blowing message and is well worth watching.

Energy Follows Attention

Ok, confession time, I have what is often euphemistically referred to as a New Age flaky side. While I don't find it to be particularly New Agey myself, I can see where people might find it easiest to categorize it that way. But I shall elaborate, I'm a convert to Buddhism, have taken vows and really attempt to live in accordance with Buddhist precepts. In some aspects of my life, my attention has fallen away a bit and for the new year I've essentially resolved to pull my head out and get more on track.

So in this attempt to get more on track, I listened to a CD of Caroline Myss (lecturer, medical intuitive, theologian and red hot trip) on my way home last evening, she was speaking to the Bristol Cancer Care group about healing and ways in which people can or cannot heal our selves. And drew the distinction between the healing of the body and the healing of the spirit, and how both require recalling our energy from wherever we divert it to that it does not belong. In essence, if we continue to invest our day to day spiritual energy in something from our past that cannot be changed, we are leaking energy. Leaks in our energetic system cause disease. And recalling our energy often requires forgiveness. This is the upshot anyway, Dr. Myss is quite conversant in the language of the mystic and so forth.

Her lecture caused me to recall how much energy I've expended in hatred, and anger and not forgiving and how much energy I gained when I was finally able to let go. I was about 40 and have discussed the process elsewhere in the blog. But the most telling thing about the process for me was that I started to look younger and I still do. Because I don't look haunted any longer, and I'm not because I was able to let go of so much of the energy vampiring I was doing to myself.

So in my quest for self improvement, I was again reminded of just how far I've come and this is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Milestone

First, Happy New Year to you! I know for most everybody it's 2 years into the New Year of 2008. But you'll get wished it again around February 8 for Losar, the Tibetan New Year. But I digress...

I have attained the 200,000 mile mark on my truck. This is happy making, I got 353,000 on my last car and am hoping to attain that on the truck.