Yet Another Sign of Impending Doom

I received a link to the following below in an email from this vendor this morning. Yes, it's true I do wear underwear. More often than not they're black, beyond that there will be no further discussion of my dainties, which as is much of my wardrobe, purchased for functionality and, truth be told practicality. If I could find machine washable, bulletproof dainties to match my machine washable, bulletproof sports bras I'd be in hog heaven.

Imagine my surprise to find that JMS (a division of Sara Lee, who also bring you Champion and Hanes brand sportswear and used to bring you Coach handbags but now I digress) is marketing an EXTREME MAKEUNDER. Doom, I say doom!

To me this is just asking for people to make puppets out of them and sell them on ETSY!

DUDES!!

So would you believe Stripey my high maintenance cat has already successfully used the toilet apparatus? He did. I'm so proud, bursting with triumphant pride. And yes, it speaks ill of the quality of my life.

Because Aspirations for the End of Suffering of all Sentient Beings Does Not Keep Me Nearly Busy Enough

I've decided that it's time for the cats to be toilet trained. I'd seen this proposed for years and must confess to being exceedingly curious about the video many of the kits include. Who is the video for, the cats or the foodchik/dude? Since I did not buy an apparatus that involved video I still cannot answer that question. Photos and updates as events warrant or as my whim of iron moves me.

Fascia

Siiigh, I inadvertently strained the transversus abdominis in the lower medial left. Which basically means I jacked up my low belly adjacent to my groin and above my whup where such things attach, ok technically the musculature inserts to the symphasis pubis. Damn it to hell! and when I move my neck just right I feel that in my vajayjay and in a veritable sheath of connective tissue in between my neck and my whup. And my mission is to both rest and ice this region of my girlish self. Now I'm a big big fan of the therapeutic value of ice, the efficiency with which it reduces inflammation and that really nifty part after the throbbing bone chilling ache where things go numb. Not so much with either the bone chilling ache or it's predecessor freezing process on my belly. Whilst things are still inflamed (read painful) I cannot try any of my umpteen tricks for helping increase the circulation to the the regions in question.

Not sure quite how I did it, but since it's me, I'm pretty sure it was doing one damn dumb thing or another.

What part of May 19th at 10:00am do you not understand?

My main occupation these days is a payroll queen. We pay once a month and today we closed at 10:00am. At 10:05, someone whirled insisting that his system problem was my problem and demanding I fix it. A) not my system, not my problem B) you're late you need to kiss my ass in Macy's window motherfucker so get gone. So in not so many words I told him to fuck off and I called his boss and told her that if he pulled this shit again he was going out the window and we're on the 7th floor.

Until I was 40 my greatest regret in life was that I'd not killed anyone and then I mellowed out, but today that good old rage was back. I was ready to choke the eyeballs out of this fucker.

Blah, Blah, Freakin' Blah a meme deal

What is your occupation? Bliss Kitten, oh wait the one, I get paid for, full-time professional Evil Minion - Accounting and Finance

What color are your socks right now? One's black, one's white. Shut up. It was not a pretty morning

What are you listening to right now? The weeds being whacked

What was the last thing that you ate? Protein shake, oh wait drank that. Pre-bed dose of pure green, oh wait drank that too. Chicken.

Can you drive a stick shift? It's been a while but sure.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Usually Indigo, today Magenta, mainly because E Dillon referred to me as the bluebird of happiness, luckily I did not refer to her as the greenbird of mental illness.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? I think Elaine

How old are you today? 25 years younger than my mother, 31 years older than my oldest niece

Favorite drink? Iced red chai, water

What is your favorite sport to watch? rodeo

Have you ever dyed your hair? Um it's about 90% snow fucking white so yes

Favorite food? Mexican

Last movie you watched? Smart People - excellent flick

Favorite Day of the year? Any day I get to the beach, any day in AZ, September 24

What do you do to vent anger? Glare, Curse, rant, beat the snot out of the 80lb punching bag in the cats room

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was never what you'd call a child. brass knuckles

What is your favorite season? All but fall spring are enjoying most favored nation status.

Hugs or kisses? both goddamn it.

Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry


When was the last time you cried? I do not cry, I snot. Not recently What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and sharkbutt, he lurks there. I keep telling him we're gay friendly here and he can come out of the closet.

Who is the friend you have had the longest? Who is the friend you have known the shortest? I don't effing know, this friendship stuff is not my first time around an incarnation with any of you.
Favorite smells? SM, cinnamon

Who inspires you? In no particular order, my mom, SM, LC, my friends, dalai lama, IJJ, Sugano Sensei

What are you afraid of? losing a loved one, losing my mind (which is, I suppose losing a loved one)

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? spicy

Favorite car I like? Black Mazda 3 Speed hatchback

Favorite cat breed? muttleys

Number of keys on your key ring? 3 rings, 2 keys, a leatherman on one, 12 keys on the other, 3 keys on the other

How many years at your current job? 24 on September 17 but really who's counting

Favorite day of the week? Saturday

How many states have you lived in? 2 - NJ and PA

Do you think you're funny? yes, when I'm not fearing for my remaining 3 sane brain cells, yes.

Where to go when you need TMI

The NY tabloids of course,

TMI

Now, if you want to give it a miss, I understand but don't want you to miss the high points, it is a gold lame leopard print thong with flames along the waistband belonging to Jason Giambi to which the article refers. Players wear it to break a hitting slump. It is washed in between wearings. And I'm guessing unless Giambi starts hitting real soon, he's going to be the only one wearing it for a time.

Knowing that my own mothership had several ironclad rules, I can only imagine how appalled the mothership of J. Giambi is to read on the front page of the NYDailyNews about her son sharing his panties.

Love this

and if I knew to whom to attribute it, I would, in a hot minute.

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me...It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied..."The one I feed."

Hmmm

What does it say about me that I wanted to call in sick to work to go to Ithaca for a hunger strike? And then what does it say that I won't do it?

I've been to Buddha Camp with these folks and they're good souls. Being around the monks was truly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Anyway, more about them here Namgyal Ithaca


Dear Students and Friends,

The Namgyal Venerable Monks, along with the Tibetan Association of Ithaca, will be leading a two-day Tibetan Sympathetic and Solidarity Hunger Strike on May 16 – 17, 2008, in honor of Tibetans who have lost their lives, those who still suffer under Chinese rule for the cause of Tibetan freedom, and to further raise awareness and highlight the urgent need for the following actions in Tibet:

· The opening of a concrete dialogue between His Holiness the Dalai Lama and the Chinese government
· The United Nations sending an independent international envoy to fully investigate the human rights situation in Tibet
· The Chinese government allowing doctors and medical equipment into Tibet, extending immediate care to those in need of medical attention
· The Chinese government releasing all monks and lay persons currently imprisoned for engaging in human rights protests in Tibet
· The Chinese government ending the killings and torture of innocent Tibetans throughout the whole of Tibet
· The Chinese government allowing international media into Tibet, for unobstructed free press throughout the whole of Tibet

The Namgyal Venerable Monks and Tibetan Association members will be at the Ithaca Commons, Center Pavilion, from 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM on Friday and Saturday, May 16 & 17, where they will be engaged in meditation, prayers for the cause of Tibetan freedom and world peace, and dedication prayers for those who have passed in the struggle for a free Tibet. Namgyal students, friends and community members are welcome to participate in each full-day 12-hour fast, or for any amount of time throughout each day of the two-day Tibetan Sympathetic and Solidarity Hunger Strike.

With warm regards,
Namgyal Monastery

Venue: Ithaca Commons, Center Pavilion
Time: Friday May 16th, 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM
Saturday May 17th, 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM

My Consiglieri and Me

So have you ever walked into a room, perhaps hostile to the subject at hand or not, but seemingly completely unwittingly set in motion a series of choices that changes your life forever? It has happened to me, more than once within the last 10 -15 years and I’ve been lucky enough to be paying sufficient attention to at least be able to look back and see just what it is I’ve set in motion.
In October of 1994, my friend Barb told me about Aikido, a martial art I knew very little about but hey, it was martial, it was art, I went and watched the class she was taking, and I signed up. Met some new people, learned all kinds of new and mostly good things about myself. Then in December 2000, I’m on the phone with my friend IJJ and I am supposed to be studying for a final in The Economics of Healthcare and after hanging up with IJJ, I sit and read the stuff for the zillionth time and say to myself, self something’s gotta give. So back to Aikido (which by the way is where I’d met IJJ) my Sensei is finishing up his course of study at Somerset School of Massage. And something resonated with me as massage was something I’d always wanted to do, and would usually do for anyone that’d stand still for it. So by March 2001, I’m enrolled for the June 2001-2002 12 month class at SSMT. Now, I’d always enjoyed school, always enjoy learning stuff and I was enraptured by massage school, anatomy, grease, the whole bit.
It’s useful to note, that at this point I had so many rough edges still that it’d be fair to call me prickly or even nuts, because I was but that’s a story for another day. Well, 3 months, almost to the day of starting massage school was 9-11-01 and knowing what I know now about energy and so forth – there was a major energetic shift on the planet. But at that point, I knew very little of energy but can recognize the energetic shift in hindsight. In November of 2001, there came the weekend that marks almost the halfway point of massage school – Experience Weekend, or let’s pimp the continuing ed to a captive audience for 2 days. Basically each of the continuing ed instructors, presented an hour and a half or so, on whatever their particular offering was. So I was quite excited about the Neuromuscular Therapy, Shiatsu, all the hands on stuff, Chi Kung was interesting but still a little ‘wifty’ for me. So Sunday morning, my cohort Ro drags me into the front row of Reiki which to me seems to be all wifty all the time. I’m not a front row dweller, generally preferring to take the smart ass back corner by the window seat. But here we were front and center and my body language was resistant, ok, it was hostile, arms crossed over my chest, legs crossed and the steely weather eye ball cast upon the presenters.
The main presenters were 2 reiki master candidates, and a Reiki master. Now I will say this about that, the Reiki Master – A – pure eye candy. Looks like Angelina Jolie’s taller sister. The Reiki master candidates – E had and has the kindest eyes and L radiates life force – if you’d not ever seen a force of nature before you might not know what to look for, I have seen quite a few in my time and L is certainly one of them. So there was talk of energy – ki – which of course, I knew of from Aikido, and one does not develop at least some skills at chucking people around the room without a decent working knowledge of ki. Then there’s Rei, now in my training Rei means to honor, but in reiki they refer to rei as universal or spiritual. And when combined into reiki it’s universal life force energy, which surrounds and is in everything. Everyone has some natural ability to be tuned into this life force energy but the study and practice of reiki increases your connectedness. And by the way, at the time I WAS BUYING NONE OF IT, wouldn’t have taken a free coupon had one been offered. So they had us offer one another Reiki, and here I am sitting in the front row, thinking what the fuck so loudly, I’d bet it was audible. Ro had placed her hands on my head then shoulders in the demonstrated style and then someone else came over and put a hand on the back of my left shoulder. It felt as if my heart shifted from right to left in my chest and my body started to hum. Tripped me out. Now, one would not ever refer to me as a kinetic person, I am much more of a slave to inertia and momentum, but after this I had to go outside and jump up and down and my 30 year battle with insomnia was won. Yes, after one hands on deal from something I was absolutely resistant to, A still tells stories about this. And to make an exceedingly long story short, the first continuing ed class I signed on for was Reiki 1, then Reiki 2, then Advanced Practitioner and 2 years later I found myself in the Reiki Master course. The Reiki Master course as practiced by the Center of Living Light (purveyors of Reiki and Light) is a year long adventure where the coursework is centered mainly around one subject and that subject was me. So whilst, I was doing the formal monthly coursework with A, L and I had become close friends and she helped guide me down the road of what I like to call who the fuck am I and what have I done with the real me? She really did the heavy lifting to get me to where and who I am today. And for that I’m overwhelmed with gratitude, and if you know me now and didn’t know me before you should be too. And if you know me now and knew me before you’re still in freakin’ awe.
So to illustrate, when I first started in this RMC (Reiki Master Candidate), I was so disinclined to discuss my feelings, I would not use the word ‘feelings’ preferring instead to call them the ‘f’ word. Hell, disinclined to discuss I was disinclined to admit I had any feelings ever about anything. So, L, helped me to cross that divide and not by dragging me kicking and screaming although sometimes I felt that might have been funner or at least funnier. But by gently asking questions, and going all the way into what the shit was really about, and what core of feelings I was actually trying to handle or more accurately trying to not handle. (I will engage in a certain amount of this with people who seek it, but I’m a blunt instrument where L is finely tuned, insightful and brilliant) Also, there is the whole business of decoding the messages the universe tries to hip us up with, and there were so many messages, I didn’t want to see or hear, but I was never alone in having to deal with them. So I did, and that I think has made much of the difference in allowing me to completely change my life.
I am blessed with several friends named L and to distinguish them this L is referred to as my consigliere, she’s a very gifted one and I was lucky to have been led to make all the different choices that led me to this place and this time, with this consigliere. So if you read all this way, would you be so kind as to send L good energy and a warm thought? Thanks, we appreciate it.

Meme thingy
OK...I saw this meme on Shazza's Blog
http://randomthoughtsandactsofstupidty.blogspot.com

I didn't want to be left out so I did it too!

How to: put your itunes/ipod on shuffle and press next for each question. write down the song that's playing as an answer.
If anything, it's a good way to see what kind of music is on other peoples iPods. And just how many Rolling Stones songs I've got on this ipod.

1) How would you describe yourself? Damn, I wish I was your Lover Sophie B Hawkins
2) What do you like in a guy/girl? Push It Salt n Pepa
3) What is your motto? Early in the Morning Robert Palmer
4) What do your friends think of you? It's Only Make Believe Robert Gordon
5) What do you think about often? I touch Myself The Divinyls
6) What do your parents think of you? Say Hey, Crystal Waters
7) What do you think of your best friend? Wasted On the Way Crosby Stills Nash and Young
8) What do you think of the person you like? Offshore Chicane
9) What do you want to be when you grow up? Wondering Where the Lions Are, Bruce Cockburn
10) What do you think when you see the person you like? Waiting on a Friend Rolling Stones
11) What song will they play at your wedding? Vertigo U2
12) What will they play at your funeral? Beautiful Day U2
13) What is your hobby/interest? She's a Beauty - The Tubes
14) What is your biggest fear? Too Much Time on My Hands Styx
15) What is your biggest secret? Cecelia Simon and Garfunkel
16) What do you think of your friends? First Cut is the Deepest Cheryl Crow
17) What is your theme song? She Was Hot - Rolling Stones
18) What do you think of your family?Under Pressure Queen and David Bowie
19) What is your best friend's theme song? Inside Out Phil Collins
20) What is your mood right now? Rumble Doll Patti Scialfa
21) If your heart could talk what would it say? I need a lover Pat Benatar
22) What do your co-workers think of you? You Shook Me All Night Long Melissa Etheridge
23) What does your future look like? Somewhere In Between Lifehouse

Mother's Day

Happy mother's day to all you mothers out there. It always seems to me that choosing to become a mother is possibly the most hopeful action one might undertake in this lifetime. It's also brave as hell too. Buddhists believe that each being we encounter was at one time or another our mother or our child, and that we would go far karmically as well as increase the amount of kindness in the world if we treated one another as such.

And yes, I'm plenty cognizant of the relationship challenges many of us face with our mothers, but because of the fundamental nature of the human parenting situation, the give and take, which on most of our parts involved a whole lot more taking than giving as we grew up... anyway, the following resonates with me, and it's early so I know it's one Buddhist or another that said it, I read it in something Dean Sluyter wrote - as long as we are at war with our parents we are at war with ourselves, until we have peace with our parents, we will not have peace with ourselves.

As always, just one of the random possibly inane thoughts running around my head, your mileage may vary and I may be wrong. And someday monkeys might fly outta my ass.

Hints from Hell

Yes, the fresh french fryed hell of IVRS and Muzak and hold. This'll tell you had to get a human on the phone.

http://www.gethuman.com/index.asp

Avon Lady?

Today's lunch discussion centers around the variety of catalogs available from our local Avon lady, popularly known as Evil. Well, because she is, evil that is.

When one is presented with the stereotypical Avon lady in the media, they are perky, spunky, polite, possibly obsequious and petite. Although petite, Evil ain't perky, not on her best day, nor obsequious. She proceeded to tell two of her best customers that shd did not give them the Mark catalog because they do not wear the scents or any makeup and the clothing selections only went up to XL. When one of the ladies protested, Evil pointed out now you know you ain't gonna get that big ol' arm up in no XL and don't let me talk about get that ass in there. And if you did get yourself in it, you'd better stay your ass up on the porch with that mess, fool.

Sure makes me want to run right up and buy me some Avon.