31 August 2006

Magnetism

I harbor no doubts that legions of mental health professionals have devised all manner of clinical guidelines for dealing with those unfortunate souls suffering from schizophrenia. And someday I may break down and research same, but today is not that day. Having had more up close and personal experience with schizophrenics than most commencing from a very tender age, I offer the following suggestions:

When they yell at you, do not yell back, do not respond in anyway, just get to steppin’.

Do not ever touch them while they are yelling at you or are otherwise agitated.

Do not ever, ever fuck with their foil wrappers. This, by the way, is one way to discern them from someone who might simply suffer from road rage. You don’t see a lot of road ragers with the foil hats.

I inquired of a friend what it might be about me that would attract schizophrenics to my energy, she indicated it would be my butt. Which would be covered in foil, and worshipped. I suppose all the while, folks would be awaiting instructions to emanate from same or wait for the Jiffy Pop to be done.

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